DENIAL

Our organization has a Palliative Care program along with the hospice program.   I went out to meet with “Jim”, and his wife, “Laura”, to admit Jim to palliative care.  Jim was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease eight years ago.  He has been living in the memory care unit of a local residential care facility.  Laura lives nearby and visits Jim frequently. 

The moment I walked into Jim’s room, Laura shared stories about Jim’s work and his successful investments.  She stated strong appreciation for all that he has given her by his hard work.  She so appreciates that they have the funds for Jim to live in the facility where he is getting the best care.  She does not have to be his caregiver, but is able to be his wife; which is the best gift for both of them. 

Jim has been slowly declining and becoming weaker.  His appetite is declining whereby he has lost twenty pounds in the last three months.  Laura is trying so hard to do what she feels he would tell her to do, but then stated how difficult it would be to not select what procedures that are available. 

One can be in denial until the last moment.  It helps one cope when living through such an emotional and stressful situation.  I can be the Queen of denial myself, at times. 

DENIAL 

 

They have been married for over fifty years.

He was a successful businessman

which allowed her to follow her dream

of becoming an elementary school teacher.

 

“He has always taken care of me

by working hard and investing well.

Now that he no longer understands,

 it is my turn to take care of him.”

 

He is so confused and forgetful

as his disease is taking a toll.

His biggest concern; his worst complaint

                    “I am so tired”.

 

He has a liver mass that may be cancer.

Surgery is scheduled later this month.

She wants every treatment that is available for him;

“I want him, to hopefully, be able to get stronger”.

 

He is full code, full intervention, no matter what;

even though his body is quietly slowing down.

She is aware and inside knows the truth,

“I am in a great state of denial”.

 

Intellectually we all know the truth,

but denial is a powerful coping method.

It allows us to deal with any stressful event

                    in small baby steps.

 

The truth will forever be in her sight;

but she’ll hold onto denial as long as needed.

It will help her to be where she needs to be;

until the perfect time for her to truly see

                    and acknowledge reality.