AS WOULD I

We admitted, “Annie” to our hospice program today.  Annie, ninety-seven years old, suffered a major stroke one month ago.  She had been living her life independently until that time.  The stroke has left her weak and needing to ambulate using a walker.  Annie walks slowly as is a bit wobbly on her feet. 

Annie has moved in with her daughter, “Jennie”.  Jennie is her mother’s primary caretaker.  Annie struggles with feelings of being a burden to her daughter.  She is having such a hard time being dependent.  She misses being the one able to help another.  She was able to talk about her wonderful ninety-seven years, but what she is facing today has so much power over her. 

While Annie was talking about her life before, and now how it currently is, I could so relate to what she was saying.  I had the thought that if I were in her shoes, I bet I would be feeling quite the same.  Her words made a lot of sense to me.  

Annie was a Social Worker, as am I.  Annie felt fulfilled helping another, as do I.  Annie hated not having those opportunities any longer; as would I.  I have shared with others, “I want to die the day before I become dependent.”  I validated and normalized Annie’s emotions, but was able to turn to the good she has done in her life.  We were able to talk about her wonderful and supportive family.  

I would love to return for another visit to give her the needed support.  I told her that I so admired and respected her for being able to speak her truth.  But then more, for the good she has done in her life.  I added, “You are one tough and strong woman and that is a huge compliment.”   I wish her peace and comfort.

AS WOULD I

 

She has been, oh so healthy

her first ninety-seven years.

Now, one month ago,

all has so dramatically changed.

 

She suffered a major stroke;

leaving some weakness; some confusion.

But the worst for her is being “a burden”;

needing to rely on her family for help.

 

She feels so sad about what has happened;

knowing her life will never again be the same.

“I can’t call it depression;

               I am just feeling low.”

 

She was the one everyone turned to

when needing some help or support.

She was always there for everyone,

but now struggles being the one in need.

               As would I.

 

She is so familiar with helping another;

not being the one needing the help.

When asked about her spirituality;

she wholeheartedly answered;

                “I believe in people”.

 

We spoke about her goals of care.

“What can we do to help you best?”

She calmly said, “I’ve had a good life.

I just want to die in peace”.

               As would I.