ONE WEEK

The hospice nurse and I went out to meet, “Cathy”, sixty-seven, and her husband, “Mitch”.  Fifteen years ago, Cathy took a fall at her work causing chronic back and neck pain.  Cathy has been struggling with this pain for years. 

Cathy has such a positive attitude about life.  She has accepted her terminal diagnosis completely.  In spite of being diagnosed just one week ago, she has already processed her emotions and is embracing the positive side of her illness and mortality.  

Her husband is fighting to keep her alive saying, “The doctor told us yesterday that she had only a few weeks.  I need her to be here longer than that.”   During the visit, e was struggling with the reality of it all causing tears to flow.   When I asked him what helps him cope when times get a little tough, he lovingly answered, “I hug Cathy.”  

Cathy has a strong Lutheran faith while Mitch spoke about loving nature.  He shared that “Sitting outside around nature helps me cope.”  Mitch then softly added, “I have my dog, my Benny”.  I have no doubt that Mitch will continue to struggle for a while.  Fortunately, our hospice bereavement department follows up for thirteen months with support groups, counseling and phone calls.  God bless both Cathy and Mitch.

ONE WEEK

 

They’ve been married over forty years.

Their love so strong between them.

They each have two children,

but it’s each other with whom they cling.

 

She hasn’t been feeling well for weeks;

becoming weaker as the days moved on.

Two months ago, she fell and broke her hip.

              Surgery, rehab, convalescent.

 

Her weakness continued on

resulting in many medical tests.

One week ago, they told her,

“It is an aggressive cancer;

with no treatment; no cure.”

 

He is struggling hard to process this.

“It is happening way too fast.

She’s not eating or drinking much at all.

She has to stand up and fight!”

 

She has a completely different coping skill.

“My Lutheran faith helps me believe.

I know I am dying.

When it is my time, I will go.”

 

“I look forward to hugging my loved ones

who are in Heaven watching over me.

Once I have crossed over and died,

I no longer will worry about all of this.”

 

She copes by facing her reality

in such a realistic and truthful way.

Her faith is amazingly that strong

as she has come to terms with her mortality

          in only one short week.

 

HER BELIEF

 “Irene”, seventy-three, was diagnosed with stomach cancer one month ago.  Her oncologist recommended she undergo chemotherapy.  Irene, who is strong in her commitments, strongly declined.  She was then referred to our hospice program. 

The moment you walk into Irene’s home, you feel such strong energy.  Irene lives with her adult granddaughter, “Laura”, who is her caregiver.  Irene currently is able to manage most of her own needs.  Irene and her granddaughter know that that will likely change before too long. 

Irene has totally accepted her situation with any fears or questions.  She was involved in a motor vehicle accident eight years ago and has had side pain since that time.  She understands how the pain does impact her life and would like the pain to be totally gone.  She sees death as a viable option that will erase her pain.  I spoke of hospice’s gift of comfort care.  I am not sure if she fully understood as living with her pain for so many years. 

It was when I asked her about her spirituality, she totally consumed that topic.  Her faith is such a strong, supportive force in her life.  It was beautiful to see what unconditional love she had for her family and her faith. 

I wish her the best.  I no doubt know that Irene will definitely do it her way.

HER BELIEF

 

She was diagnosed recently with cancer.

She has taken it all in stride saying,

“I have had a good, long life.

This is what it is all about.”

 

She has suffered so many losses along the way.

Three of her four siblings have already died.

She has lost a daughter, a grandson, her mother.

She again takes this in stride saying, “This is life.”

 

She has a very strong Christian faith,

which guides her completely throughout each day.

When asked what helps her cope,

she easily will state, “It’s all up to God.”

 

She has no fears or concerns at all.

“I can’t wait to again hug my daughter,

my ten-month old grandson, my mother.

               I am truly ready to die.”

 

She then tenderly pointed to her left shoulder,

quietly stating, “God sits right here.”

Then quickly pointing to her right shoulder,

while softly adding, “Jesus sits right here.”

 

Her strong faith so clearly guides her.

She receives and understands it her true way.

It is her genuine acceptance; her truth.

But mostly, it is her strong commitment to her

unconditional faith; her unconditional beliefs.

 

"HI JILL"

I met Jill two months ago when the nurse and I went out to admit her to our Palliative Care program.  Jill suffered from ovarian cancer.  Her medical journey was rocky as Jill wasn’t attentive to the prescribed medical plan.  Jill had a lifelong addiction to meth.  She had one daughter and one teenage grandson, who lived locally.  

Jill lived in a shelter as was homeless.  She had been living in a tent by the nearby river, but her health issues made that plan a bit difficult.  Jill had a lot of energy from a powerful personality.  Her emotions would swing from sadness to full joy, craziness and laughter.  She made me laugh so easily as her stories about her life were so “off the wall” and funny.  She loved to make others laugh.  The more I would laugh, the more she would go on with another crazy story.  She had such a vibrant personality. 

Due to Jill’s medical journey and decline, the hospice nurse and I went out last week to admit her to hospice.  Jill was a bit wobbly on her feet, but due to her energetic personality, it was hard to notice.  Jill was recently told by her physician that her disease was terminal.  Jill spoke of deep sadness hearing that from her doctor, but then would quickly change the subject to something, that again, would make me laugh.  Jill’s compassionate side showed up so beautifully when we shared that hospice will be around for 13 months after her death giving bereavement support for her daughter and grandson. 

Jill’s death came quickly.  She suddenly collapsed one day, while walking through the hallway at the shelter.  She likely was dead before she hit the floor as she bled out.  I was so shocked when I heard the news three days ago.  Since her abrupt death, she has so strongly been on my mind.   These past few days, I find myself having silent talks with Jill letting her know how much she touched all whom she met in her life.  I want to make sure she knows her life was perfect for her.  I will never forget her and, so remarkably, her beautiful soul.

"HI JILL"

 

I have only met you twice;

two months ago, and then again, last week.

With both visits, you touched my soul so deeply.

You so naturally embraced my heart.

 

The connection so surprised me

as you and I, it seemed, were so different.

You had a lifelong meth addiction;

you fully lived each moment,

               with no concern of what came next.

 

But then, you so easily made me laugh.

Your stories, although outrageous, were fun to hear.

You completely accepted each day’s drama,

with a heart full of tenderness for your family.

 

Your sudden death three days ago

has left me sad as I am strongly grieving the loss.

You made a huge difference in this world;

to your family; to your friends; and yes, to me.

 

I want you to know I saw your beautiful being,

even though you tried to hide it with your fervent demeanor.

Deep inside, you had love, compassion and truth.

That is your amazing legacy to all of us left behind.

 

I hope to meet you again on the other side

where you are healthy and so full of life.

I want to hear more crazy stories and laugh.

I will so want to see you at least one more time

to be able to again say

               “Hi Jill.”

 

HER TRUTH

 “Jamie” just turned fifty-five a few weeks ago.  I first met Jamie two months ago when we admitted her to our Palliative Care program.  I immediately connected with Jamie on so many levels; the primary one being her humor.  Jamie has accepted her Ovarian Cancer diagnosis while being in a strong decline these past few weeks.  

Jamie has had a lot of challenges in her life.  Her mother died when she was a teenager.  In addition, three of her five siblings have preceded her in death.  Jamie spoke so beautifully about her one brother, who was only 18 months older than her.  He died two years ago and she still misses him so strongly today.  Jamie shared stories about her brother that were fun and whimsical.  She adored her brother and a few tears did appear while talking about him.  Jamie did add, “I was so angry, I wanted to kill him!”   

While her emotions swayed, Jamie always ended up laughing.  She was very comical and had me laughing a lot.  She got a kick out of making others laugh.  It was great.  I believe her laughter has always helped her through the tough times she has experience throughout her life.  Keep laughing Jamie.

HER TRUTH

 

She’s had it rough during her life.

Many family deaths early on;

homeless for so many years;

along with a lifelong drug addiction.

 

Early this morning, we met with her at the shelter

to admit her to our hospice program.

Her cancer has rapidly spread;

with no more available treatment.

 

No matter what you ask her,

through the good, the bad, the ugly,

she always will, without hesitation,

tell you her absolute truth.

 

She has a very energetic personality

talking non-stop while laughing, oh so hard.

She easily admitted tripling one medication

while confessing her recent meth use a few days ago.

 

She accepts all of this with “This is called life.”

Easily adding, “I am dying.

When it is time to go, I’ll go.

               My bus is here”.

 

Her life.

          Her Truth.