CROSSROADS

The hospice nurse and I met up with “Danny” and his mother, “Cynthia” this morning.  Danny is living on property in a friend’s RV.  He has been living in the RV for several months.  Prior to that time, he was living in his car.  Danny had his first drink at age fifteen.  He learned early that alcohol helped him drown down his pain. 

Danny’s mother loves him so, but feels so helpless as knows there is not much that can be done.  Danny’s liver is failing and he has internal bleeding.  He is very nauseas with makes eating difficult for him.  He cannot keep any food down as it upsets his stomach tremendously.  Danny has been in a recent decline.  He can only walk a few feet without getting short of breath.  His pain is so intense that it leaves him restless while lying on his small couch.  

My heart aches for him.  Was this the only journey he was able to choose?  Life is full of crossroads.  At each crossroad he encountered, he used alcohol to help him move forward across the road.  A part of me feels, if only……  I would like to believe that there are so many amazing journeys for us all, but the journey we all take, is it the only one for us?  Danny brings up so many life questions to me. 

I so wish him peace, comfort, and solace.  It feels that those are his only options for a everlasting crossing.

CROSSROADS

 

He’s been drinking for years.

He says up to 12 beers each day.

His liver is shot; his pain intense;

         not eating much at all.

 

We walked into the motor home;

no heat; no water; no electricity.

He was lying on the small couch;

restless, squirmy, uncomfortable.

 

He heard his doctors strongly tell him

to stop drinking as it will undoubtedly kill him.

But then, he had two shots of vodka before we came;

         “I needed it to calm my nerves.”

 

At thirty-six, he is way too young to suffer so.

Unfortunately, at a very young age,

he believed alcohol was helping him cope

when hitting those challenging crossroads of life.

 

Being with him made me so sad.

I wanted to comfort him; to fix things

while knowing there is nothing more

that anyone could possibly do.

 

His next likely gateway

may be his biggest crossroad of all;

transitioning from a formidable life

         to hopefully; a peaceful afterlife.