CHECKLIST

 

 “Jennifer”, thirty-nine, was admitted to hospice today.  Jennifer was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago.  She stopped her last chemotherapy and radiation one week ago as her cancer was continuing to grow.  There are no further treatment options for her.  Jennifer lives with her husband and four young children all under the age of eleven. 

Jennifer has been fighting her disease the best way she knows how.  Her philosophy is “Do all that you need to do to succeed”.  She likely met hospice eligibility a few weeks ago, but told her physician, “I will only go onto hospice when I am imminent.”   Reality hit Jennifer three weeks ago when she suddenly became short of breath.  Along with the struggle to breathe, she also became so very weak.  It was then when the reality of her status and prognosis became real to her. 

We all want control in our lives and want to do, what we need to do to feel that power.  Jennifer made a list of all that she felt she needed to do before she dies.  I so admired Jennifer as she told her truth.  She let us know so clearly what she needed and how she thinks.  It so directs our hospice staff down the path to where we truly can help patients and families. 

Being so young, here biggest worry is her four children.  Speaking to them so honestly has given Jennifer the courage to let go when her time comes.  I felt so honored to have met her.  Jennifer is an amazing individual with a huge heart and loving soul.   I wish her all the best. 

ADDENDUM:  Jennifer died two days after our Admission Visit.  I do not think Jennifer was surprised as instinctively she knew.  All of the rest of us were totally surprised.  She definitely did it her way, which is the most perfect way of all.

CHECKLIST

 

She was diagnosed two years ago.

Radiation and chemotherapy to no avail.

The cancer has now metastasized.

No more treatment to be done.

 

She is not yet even forty years old.

Four young children in the home.

A husband who is devoted and by her side.

She had not been even close to letting go.

 

Three weeks ago, all that changed.

She made up a personal checklist

listing all that she needed to do

before her time here on Earth was done.

 

She hadn’t yet told her parents,

even though it has been two years.

She was trying so hard to protect them;

“In our Asian culture, cancer is taboo.”

 

She spoke to her parents last weekend.

She’s not quite sure how much they heard.

She then gathered her four children around,

telling them directly that “Mommy is ill.”

 

This morning she checked off her last task.

She wrote down all of her passwords;

giving her husband the completed list

easing his access into her accounts.

 

She so knew what she needed to do.

She accomplished all of that and more.

She spoke of a strong sense of relief,

“I am now truly ready to go.

         I am at peace.”