DOING JUST FINE

I saw two patients one day apart with a similar sudden onset of a disease. "Grace", ninety-five, had been healthy her entire life. A few years ago she moved in with her daughter to get the additional help. Grace was slowing down as expected for most of us as we reach our nineties. Grace's daughter, "Diana", had hired help during the day so that mom would have someone around while Diana was at work.

Four days ago, Grace had a massive stroke which so totally knocked her down. Grace is now bedridden and not eating at all. She is hard to arouse as is imminent. Her two daughters were present at our hospice admission visit. Both were sharing family stories about their mother. They used a lot of humor and were laughing while paying tribute to their mother.

Likely for Grace, this is the best way to go; quick without suffering. But then, it is so difficult for the family to believe how rapidly everything has changed. This is a wonderful family who do support their mother, and each other as well.

Today, the hospice nurse and I admitted, "Paul", eighty years old, to hospice. Two weeks ago, the family knows the exact date, they heard from the doctor that their dad had cancer which has spread to his bones.

His wife and daughters spoke of how strong Paul was. His decline was so rapid. He is now bedridden while eating and drinking very little. Paul has lost 15 pounds these past two weeks. Tears flowed, but their love shined through so beautifully.

Death is never easy; whether swift or slow. No matter which way it occurs, the patient will be forever missed. Patients are so much more than their diagnosis. Both families shared stories of their loved ones. Those stories best describe the life of two wonderful people. That is so much more of who they truly are.


DOING JUST FINE　

She's had a long healthy life.
Living well for over 95 years.
"She's needed a bit of help this past year,
but teasing us all always helped her cope."

All that changed four days ago.
A massive stroke knocked her down.
No longer eating or drinking.
Sleeping all of the time.

Her two daughters know it is her time.
She's had years many of us never get.
But still age does not matter at all.
          "She will always be our beloved Mom."

He, too, had a similar occurrence.
Two weeks ago, he was putting in a new floor;
washing the car; pulling weeds out back.
An unexpected cancer diagnosis changed it all.

It is so surreal to his family.
He suddenly became so weak.
He stopped eating and has lost weight.
He stays in bed sleeping all of the day.

He was such a strong man the family says.
He held on for as long as he could.
He decline is so rapid.
         They know his time is near.

Both families are coping the best they can.
Struggling to process the rapid decline.
"This is so shocking; so surreal."

"How did this happen as fast as it did?"
They had been doing
          just fine."
 

SO GRATEFUL

"Marie", sixty-two, was recently diagnosed with liver cancer. Marie also suffers from liver damage from using street drugs for almost fifteen years. She has been clean for over thirty years, but her body has not done well. In addition, to liver disease, Marie also suffers from cardiac disease.

We drove into this small mobile home park where travel trailers were all around. Marie only moved in a month ago after being homeless for a short while. She had no possessions as was forced to move out of a rented room because she could not afford the rent. It was then she lost all of her belongings. Marie was so excited about decorating her new home. Creativity is one of her special gifts. Also, she is a strong survivor. She has slowly collected the necessary items in order to maker her Fifth Wheel her home.

Marie had such an upbeat personality. She spoke of the horrors of her life so factually. She shared how her mother never wanted her. "I can forgive her, but I can never forget what she did." Marie has a large group of supportive friends who eagerly help her when the needs arise.

Marie was so grateful for her life as it was. I so admired her for her strength. She also is a perfect role model for living a positive life. Life is all about perspective. Marie's attitude keeps her in good spirits. She is realistic and so aware of what she needs to do to live her life as best as she can. She is truly an amazing inspiration.


SO GRATEFUL

She looked a bit wobbly on her feet
as she walked down the front steps.
She had to be totally outside
in order to buzz us in through the front gate.

She was so grateful for her home;
a large Fifth Wheel inside the small mobile park.
She had no possessions on the day she moved in.
Slowly gathering essential belongings
          to help her make it a home.

Her entire life has been a struggle.
She's learned how to be strong.
A mother who never wanted her.
A loving father who died so young.

Those early years, she coped using drugs.
It was the only option she felt she had.
She's been clean now for over thirty years,
but her body has taken the toll.

She has always been so realistic.
Speaking and hearing her truth.
She spoke of appreciation for her friends.
It is them who give her comfort and serenity.

She has no fears; no concerns.
She knows she is soon going to a better place.
"I've always been so upbeat.
          I am now totally at peace."

She truly and clearly is
          so unconditionally grateful.


　

　

　

　

　

THEIR NORMAL

"Kate", eighty years old was being discharged this afternoon from a hospital secondary to a chronic heart condition. Kate has been in a recent decline to where she is much weaker, becoming more confused and needing assistance with all of her daily activities.

Kate lives with her sister, "Diana" and her niece, "Holly". Holly is the primary caregiver for both of her aunts. Kate was being discharged late in the day. I was able to go to her home to meet with her family to explain the hospice support and to complete the paperwork. I never met Kate as she arrived home after I was gone. The hospice nurse was coming after me to be at the home when Kate arrived home by ambulance.

The home was so difficult to find as there was a tremendous amount of vehicles blocking the address and front door. I called Holly as I could not find their home. Holly came out and unlocked the front gate and stood on the sidewalk which so helped me know where to go.

Holly walked me into a small living room with boxes piled up near the ceiling. Diana was sitting in a nearby chair. They directed me to sit on a very small stool. The three of us all sat very close together. Diana immediately expressed her humor. She had me laughing as to where I was able to tease her back, which she loved.

They both loved for Kate unconditionally and spoke seriously of how best they could care for her. But then, before too long, their teasing would start again. Humor so strongly helped both of them cope. We never spoke of the clutter in the home. There was a clear walkway back to the bedrooms, so the family could maneuver around the home.

It is fascinating to me how each of us are comfortable in a certain environment. I do not like clutter at all; whereas many are okay with a lot more. It is such a personal comfort zone. I felt honored to have met Diana and Holly. Their love shined, blocking out the crowded environment. In the end, it is love that truly counts most of all.


THEIR NORMAL　

We all naturally adjust
to our own personal normal.
It is our standard; our routine.
It is to where we so easily flow.

They lived in a rougher side of town.
Their home was hard to locate.
Hidden behind an abandoned truck;
a run-down trailer and a decaying boat.

She walked me through their front door
into a crowded, cluttered living room.
Boxes piled high full of sundry belongings.
Nowhere to sit but a small stool.

They so beautifully welcomed me inside.
So appreciative that hospice was there to help.
Their humor so easily flowed; sarcastic and fun
while good naturedly including me in.

I was drawn in by their compassion;
by their loving, beautiful hearts.
While my attention was clearly focused on them;
I forgot about their cluttered menagerie.

They were relaxed in their home.
It was comfortable to both of them.
Most could not live that way;
but it somehow worked naturally for them.
It so truly was
          their normal.