HER PERSPECTIVE

"John", ninety-three, suffers from cardiac disease. He recently suffered a heart attack which has left him weak and needing more help with his daily activities. John has been married to his wife, "Betty" for almost sixty years. They have three children, but. unfortunately, none live nearby.

Betty is John's primary caregiver. John is able to ambulate without any devices, but does move slow. At the beginning of our visit, we asked Betty how we could specifically help her, as each time we asked a general question, Betty would tell us a story in such a negative way. We thought that asking her for specific details would help her to let us know her needs. Betty just could not do that. No matter what we asked, we always heard about a new complaint she has held onto for many years.

I spoke with John separately at the end of the visit, while the nurse was talking to Betty about John's medications. He apologized for her and I responded by telling him that it was good that she was letting us know what did not work, but our goal is to help both of you in a way that would work. One could feel the deep love he had for his wife.

At the end of the visit, I asked Betty about what she did to help herself over the rough patches in her life. For once, she thought about it and said she has a close girlfriend. She added that she had just spoken with her yesterday on the phone. Her friend lives about thirty minutes away. I told Betty that I had a homework assignment for her. I told her that the first thing to do, once we leave, is to call her girlfriend for support. She had such a "Yes" look on her face. I hope she did call her friend as she needs support to be provided to her in a positive way. That is something that is so hard for her to find. I hope our visit, even for just a little bit, helped her to do that.


HER PERSPECTIVE

Life is all about perspective.
We all view occurrences our own unique way.
We all can receive some good along with some bad.
Our distinct reaction is what can help keep us sane.

She is close to eighty years old.
She has a sweet husband who adores her.
She is his primary caretaker
as she is fifteen years his junior.

We came out to offer support.
Asking her about ways we could help.
She never did answer us directly,
but did share a story from years past.

She spoke about a flood when she was a kid.
How the fireman led them the opposite way.
“They pointed us North, but we should have gone South.
They handled everything so wrong.”

She shared so many stories while we were there.
Her emotion consistently angry and strong.
How the doctors don’t know what they are doing;
or the contractor whose costs were sky high.”

A lifetime of negativity is her normal.
She must gain something by embracing the down side.
I hope our support can turn things around a bit
in order to softly expose her to the good in life.

To gently modify
          her powerful perspective.