HER PERSPECTIVE

"John", ninety-three, suffers from cardiac disease. He recently suffered a heart attack which has left him weak and needing more help with his daily activities. John has been married to his wife, "Betty" for almost sixty years. They have three children, but. unfortunately, none live nearby.

Betty is John's primary caregiver. John is able to ambulate without any devices, but does move slow. At the beginning of our visit, we asked Betty how we could specifically help her, as each time we asked a general question, Betty would tell us a story in such a negative way. We thought that asking her for specific details would help her to let us know her needs. Betty just could not do that. No matter what we asked, we always heard about a new complaint she has held onto for many years.

I spoke with John separately at the end of the visit, while the nurse was talking to Betty about John's medications. He apologized for her and I responded by telling him that it was good that she was letting us know what did not work, but our goal is to help both of you in a way that would work. One could feel the deep love he had for his wife.

At the end of the visit, I asked Betty about what she did to help herself over the rough patches in her life. For once, she thought about it and said she has a close girlfriend. She added that she had just spoken with her yesterday on the phone. Her friend lives about thirty minutes away. I told Betty that I had a homework assignment for her. I told her that the first thing to do, once we leave, is to call her girlfriend for support. She had such a "Yes" look on her face. I hope she did call her friend as she needs support to be provided to her in a positive way. That is something that is so hard for her to find. I hope our visit, even for just a little bit, helped her to do that.


HER PERSPECTIVE

Life is all about perspective.
We all view occurrences our own unique way.
We all can receive some good along with some bad.
Our distinct reaction is what can help keep us sane.

She is close to eighty years old.
She has a sweet husband who adores her.
She is his primary caretaker
as she is fifteen years his junior.

We came out to offer support.
Asking her about ways we could help.
She never did answer us directly,
but did share a story from years past.

She spoke about a flood when she was a kid.
How the fireman led them the opposite way.
“They pointed us North, but we should have gone South.
They handled everything so wrong.”

She shared so many stories while we were there.
Her emotion consistently angry and strong.
How the doctors don’t know what they are doing;
or the contractor whose costs were sky high.”

A lifetime of negativity is her normal.
She must gain something by embracing the down side.
I hope our support can turn things around a bit
in order to softly expose her to the good in life.

To gently modify
          her powerful perspective.

"WHY SCOTT?"

I received a telephone call early this afternoon from a co-worker.  She informed me that Scott had died suddenly this morning.  I have worked with Scott for over five years. He was one of our hospice nurse case managers. Scott was very low key and never got rattled or stressed over any situation. He was a great team player as would work weekends whenever needed without complaint. Scott had a very calm, unhurried manner.

Scott fell down his stairs a week ago. He had some side pain and missed work all last week. Scott never missed work. It made us all realize how much pain he must have been in. I thought Scott would be at work next week without a doubt. It will be a huge loss for us all not having Scott around.

Every morning, Scott and I would arrive at the hospice office a few minutes apart. He would always walk by and say "Good morning" to me. He would talk about his love of swimming or would joke at himself for not swimming that morning. He would then immediately walk into the kitchen and get his cup of coffee.

Scott had a very large heart toward his co-workers, his patients and families. He would meet up with families and do what was needed to be done without any commotion. He had this large blue binder which he put all of his patient paperwork into. The side seam was split open, but it didn't matter to Scott, as it worked well for him.

I am still shocked as it is so unbelievable. I can't help but wonder, "Why? What is it all about". I know you are up there in heaven with all who love you. I have to believe that it was your time to go. You will never be forgotten by us down here. Prayers for peace, love and joy to you Scott. You will be forever missed.


 "WHY SCOTT?"

We lost one of our own today.
It was sudden and caught us all by surprise.
Hearing the sad news has left me shocked.
I can't stop thinking about him
          while continuing to ask "Why?"

We all work in the hospice field.
You would think we should know
and not have to ask "Why?"
"What is life and death all about?"

We would meet every morning on schedule
always arriving a few minutes apart.
He customarily would walk by and say "Hi"
and then head to get his morning coffee.

He had such a quiet, low-key manner.
Nothing would ever get him overwhelmed.
He would meet a family with high energy
and walk in with such composure,
it calmed the entire situation down.

Your legacy will always remain with all of us.
We will continue to share your stories
along with laughter to embrace your life.
But for a while, I'm sure we'll all continue to ask;
          "Why Scott?"

THE JOURNEY

Tracy, a dear friend and co-worker, lost one of her friends a little over two months ago. Her friend, Ute, suffered from Pancreatic Cancer. Ute was single and lived alone. She had no family locally so relied on her large group of friends for support. Tracy was her dearest friend in addition to being one of her primary caregivers.

Tracy informed me three days ago that there will be a Celebration of Life for Ute this coming weekend. Tracy wanted to speak at the Memorial, but wasn't quite sure what to say. She asked me to write a poem for her to read. I asked her to jot down a few thoughts that she had about her friend and what might she like to share with folks at the Memorial.

Yesterday, Tracy texted me several thoughts. It was so amazing as right after dinner, I went upstairs to my computer with hopes of writing a poem for Tracy. I sat down and it all came spilling out so quickly. As I was finishing up and completing the last line, I struggled with replacing the word "journey" with another. I could not quite capture the right word. I sat quietly for just a moment and the word "life" just popped in my head. For me, that was the perfect word.

I truly believe Ute helped me write this poem as she spiritually relayed the perfect word to me. After Tracy read the poem this morning, I told her that Ute was with me as I wrote the words. In addition, I shared how I also believe that the poem also expresses Ute's thanks right back to Tracy. The poem is a mirror that reflects to both Tracy and Ute. I feel so honored that Tracy asked me to write a poem. I also feel so blessed that Tracy will be reading it today at her friend's Celebration of Life. Thank you Tracy and Ute. There are no words that will truly express my deep appreciation.


THE JOURNEY　

Life is an ongoing journey
of different roads; different views.
At times the pathway can be bumpy
or smoothly paved with a silken glow.

It was an honor to walk with you
on a journey that always changed.
Up and down, right and left;
          a privilege all the same.

I was never surprised you became a teacher
as education came so natural to you.
You taught me about living while you were dying;
          the toughest subject of all.

How blessed I felt to walk the journey with you.
I’ll forever treasure the memories so near to my heart.
You gifts to me will never be forgotten.
So thank you for sharing your life with me.