BE A MAN

The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Charlie", eighty-eight years old, to our hospice program today. Charlie lives with his wife, "Glenda", with whom he has been married fifty-eight years. Charlie was his wife's caretaker as her health is poor.

One week ago, Charlie was doing fine and managing okay, when suddenly he was rushed to the hospital due to chest pain and having difficulty breathing. Charlie suffered a heart attack. It was then discovered that he had severe lung disease. Charlie refused any treatment and wanted to return home.

He was discharged home this morning. When the hospice nurse and I walked into Charlie's home, we met his wife and daughter, "Diana". Diana lives nearby and is very involved and supportive to her parents. Charlie was determined to continue to do his life like he has always done before, but with his weakness, he had a difficult time walking around.

Charlie shared that he did not want to live this way. He wants to be involved in his life and daily activities. He wants to take care of his wife. Charlie was very honest and straightforward. He saw life in a simple way. His primary focus was his definition of what it takes to be a man. Anything less than that was not an option for him.

He's had a history of a suicide attempt and hinted at that being an option for him today. His daughter has removed all the weapons from the home and has hired attendant care to help both of her parents. Family will closely monitor his medication in order to protect Charlie from attempting anything rash.

I respected Charlie for his honesty. He defined life pretty simply. His goal in life was to always, "Be a man".


BE A MAN

He was taught and raised,
with incredibly strong beliefs,
about what it takes
          to be a man.

He must always have the strength
to conceal any weakness,
while taking care of his family
no matter what life may bring.

He has beautifully taken care of her
for over the fifty years of their marriage.
Her health has declined; she needs his help.
He has always been there right by her side.

Now he, suddenly, needs some help.
His heart and lungs are wearing out.
His decline has been rapid and severe.
"I just don't want to live this way."

He was straightforward and honest,
while sharing his thoughts of suicide ideation.
He's had one unsuccessful suicide attempt years ago.
He feels that still is an option today.

I asked him about a verbal contract with me.
"Will you call our hospice if those thoughts again arise?"
He looked at me with a quiet smile,
"I can't make that contract with you?"

We hope to give him comfort and support.
It is a tough battle to fight as we are up against
someone knowing he will likely lose
in his overwhelming struggle to simply
          "Be a man."