The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, "Rosa" to our hospice program. Rosa, eighty-seven years old, had been very independent one week ago. Suddenly she became extremely weak and was admitted to the hospital for several days. The doctors feel she likely has a cancer, but Rosa chose not to have any further tests. She just wanted to go home.
Rosa has a very large, extended family, who all live nearby. This is an extremely connected family who are so focused on what is best for Rosa. The family is very realistic regarding her recent decline and poor prognosis. One might look at this family and only see what the family does not have monetarily. But to me, I saw millionaires of love intertwined with each and every one of them.
Rosa does not speak English, but she would grab my hand and say "Gracious" over and over. She had the most beautiful smile. Her heart was huge. She is the matriarch of such a wonderful family. She taught them all well.
"Catherine", ninety-six, was admitted to hospice today for end stage cardiac disease. She too, had a rapid decline, although had been needing help for quite a while. I spoke with Catherine's son on the phone after the visit. He lives several hours away but does visit often. His primary focus is making sure all of his mother's needs are met.
He arranged for twenty-four hour care in the home. Two friends of Catherine are sharing that support. One stays with Catherine four days a week, while, "Lorraine", her friend of sixty years, is with her the other three days. Lorraine totally amazed me with her enthusiasm and determination to make sure Catherine is well cared for. I was more surprised when Lorraine shared that she just celebrated her ninety-first birthday.
Lorraine may not be biologically related to Catherine, but she definitely is family. Lorraine supporting Catherine says a lot about Lorraine, but it also says a lot about Catherine. Again, Karma. It gives us all hope.
KARMA
I am a strong believer of Karma.
"What goes around, comes around."
Families strongly advocating for a loved one.
I amazingly see it every day in my work.
A week ago, she was doing just fine.
Then suddenly all that changed.
Now bedridden; not eating; totally dependent.
A likely cancer diagnosis if they ran more tests.
She has no income as was a homemaker by trade.
Widowed years ago; raising her five kids alone.
All, four generations of family, live nearby.
Loving her, caring for her, faithfully by her side.
She, on the other hand, has no family in town.
Her son, who loves her unconditionally, visits when he can.
Her friend of sixty years though, is very involved.
She, and one other, are with her full time.
She's been her friend for over sixty years.
She stays with her three days each week.
She is devoted and believes it is for her to do.
She has so much energy for someone ninety-one.
These two families are so full of love.
I feel so honored to witness such devotion.
Two prime examples of why I strongly believe,
"What goes around, comes around."
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Saturday, February 10, 2018
SHE NEEDS CONTROL
"Jennifer", forty-seven, was diagnosed with cancer years ago. She had been in remission, but found out eight months ago that her cancer is back. Jennifer has such a strong spirit and fought to live her life to the fullest. She thought hard about how she could live her life her way, in spite of her illness.
Jennifer said she has always known she would not live a long life as cancer runs rampant in her family. Both her parents have preceded her in death. She spoke about many other family members who died from the same illness. Jennifer felt a strong need to control her disease in order to live her life to the fullest.
She had planned on working three more weeks, but with sudden, dramatic symptoms leading her to the ER last night, she knows her time has been cut shorter than she dreamed. We all die the way we live and Jennifer is no different from the rest of us. She continues to strive for ways to remain in control.
She is realistic about her poor prognosis and recent decline while continuing to find ways to manage her deadly disease. I wish her peace in her heartfelt journey.
SHE NEEDS CONTROL
She is not surprised she has cancer.
"Cancer runs rampant in my family.
My mother died at age fifty-seven.
I have always known I would never live long."
She planned on working another three weeks,
but last night she ended up in the ER.
Weakness, pain, shortness of breath.
The reality of her disease screaming loud.
Making plans, doing tasks, being in charge.
She's tried so hard to remain in control.
Now knowing that her cancer is progressing,
it is winning the battle, not her.
Like her mother, she thought
she would have fifty-seven years.
Now aware she will die ten years sooner,
is tough for her to grasp; to believe.
She asked about the End-of-Life Option Act.
What and where does she need to go?
Making decisions, making plans.
She needs control.
Jennifer said she has always known she would not live a long life as cancer runs rampant in her family. Both her parents have preceded her in death. She spoke about many other family members who died from the same illness. Jennifer felt a strong need to control her disease in order to live her life to the fullest.
She had planned on working three more weeks, but with sudden, dramatic symptoms leading her to the ER last night, she knows her time has been cut shorter than she dreamed. We all die the way we live and Jennifer is no different from the rest of us. She continues to strive for ways to remain in control.
She is realistic about her poor prognosis and recent decline while continuing to find ways to manage her deadly disease. I wish her peace in her heartfelt journey.
SHE NEEDS CONTROL
She is not surprised she has cancer.
"Cancer runs rampant in my family.
My mother died at age fifty-seven.
I have always known I would never live long."
She planned on working another three weeks,
but last night she ended up in the ER.
Weakness, pain, shortness of breath.
The reality of her disease screaming loud.
Making plans, doing tasks, being in charge.
She's tried so hard to remain in control.
Now knowing that her cancer is progressing,
it is winning the battle, not her.
Like her mother, she thought
she would have fifty-seven years.
Now aware she will die ten years sooner,
is tough for her to grasp; to believe.
She asked about the End-of-Life Option Act.
What and where does she need to go?
Making decisions, making plans.
She needs control.
Saturday, February 3, 2018
THEY DON'T KNOW
We admitted three patients to our hospice program today. Two suffered from Alzheimer’s and were quite debilitated, while the other had a cancer diagnosis.
I have always thought that not knowing how forgetful and dependent one was, it might be a blessing. Meeting these two confused patients today made me stop and think a bit more about that thought. Both of them were struggling with not knowing what to do and not being able to communicate their questions or thoughts.
The gentleman with cancer was also struggling with what was happening to him. He totally knew his prognosis and poor status. He knew what the two patients with dementia did not. All three were struggling with, "Why?" and "What is it all about?" Whether one understands or not, it became clear a bit more to me today, that no one ever knows. I truly believe there is no simple answer to such powerful questions.
THEY DON'T KNOW
She was diagnosed years ago.
Her symptoms increasing over time.
Alzheimer's, dementia, forgetfulness.
Somehow it is just all the same.
She has no short term memory.
No recollection of anything past.
She just doesn't know while asking,
"What do I need to do?"
He no longer talks, but shouts out.
Mumbling words with no meaning.
He has lost one of his greatest gifts;
his intellect; his mind.
He has a PhD in history.
He has always sought out answers.
No longer able to do so.
Is it a blessing in disguise
that he doesn't understand why?
He was told yesterday his status is terminal.
No more treatment to be done.
He is processing all of this information.
He too, wants to know why.
Being aware or not aware,
it somehow seems the same.
Asking questions with no answers.
All struggling to regain control.
They just don't know,
but then, neither do we.
We likely never will.
I have always thought that not knowing how forgetful and dependent one was, it might be a blessing. Meeting these two confused patients today made me stop and think a bit more about that thought. Both of them were struggling with not knowing what to do and not being able to communicate their questions or thoughts.
The gentleman with cancer was also struggling with what was happening to him. He totally knew his prognosis and poor status. He knew what the two patients with dementia did not. All three were struggling with, "Why?" and "What is it all about?" Whether one understands or not, it became clear a bit more to me today, that no one ever knows. I truly believe there is no simple answer to such powerful questions.
THEY DON'T KNOW
She was diagnosed years ago.
Her symptoms increasing over time.
Alzheimer's, dementia, forgetfulness.
Somehow it is just all the same.
She has no short term memory.
No recollection of anything past.
She just doesn't know while asking,
"What do I need to do?"
He no longer talks, but shouts out.
Mumbling words with no meaning.
He has lost one of his greatest gifts;
his intellect; his mind.
He has a PhD in history.
He has always sought out answers.
No longer able to do so.
Is it a blessing in disguise
that he doesn't understand why?
He was told yesterday his status is terminal.
No more treatment to be done.
He is processing all of this information.
He too, wants to know why.
Being aware or not aware,
it somehow seems the same.
Asking questions with no answers.
All struggling to regain control.
They just don't know,
but then, neither do we.
We likely never will.
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