WE NEVER KNOW

As hospice workers, we often get asked, "How much time do I have?" We have no answer to give. We can offer a "guestimation", but we truly do not know. We all die the way we live. We grab all the coping tools we need. It is so different for each of us. One truly does it his or her own individual way.

We admitted, "Julia", to our hospice program today. Her symptoms appeared last week. The doctors thought it likely was a rare cancer. The only option was a clinical trial. Julia declined any further treatment as the treatment would only give her a few more months at most. She knew her cancer was not curative. She did not want to suffer any side affects of treatment. She wanted quality of life, not quantity.

The doctors confirmed her diagnosis only yesterday. She was not surprised as this past week has been a downhill journey with increased weakness and pain. The hospice nurse addressed her pain and weakness issues quickly. Hospice nurses are so gifted with giving comfort care. I have done hospice for years and truly know that the number one gift hospice gives to patients is definitely comfort care.

I heard that she died in the wee hours this morning. I was so taken by surprise. I thought she had weeks to live, but it must have been her time. For her, the swiftness may have been a blessing, but for her family it will be hard. Her husband declined any bereavement follow up, but I will call him to offer support.

I truly believe that for all of us, when it is our time, we will let go. It gives me comfort knowing she is in peace. Her family will grieve and cope the best they can. Our hospice bereavement department is there for them whenever they need.


WE NEVER KNOW
　
She was walking around one week ago.
She was living her life as usual.
Symptoms appeared; likely cancer.
Confirmed yesterday afternoon.

We admitted her to hospice today.
She declined the option of a clinical trial.
She was so weak and in pain.
Her decline has been extremely rapid.

They both used humor to cope.
Being realistic, but laughing a lot.
It was all so new; so surreal.
They had planned on many more years.

He handles his emotions intellectually.
He declined any bereavement follow up.
"I will call if I need anything.
                   I am really doing okay."

She died early this morning.
Two days after her diagnosis.
It took all of us by surprise.
No time to prepare oneself at all.

I believe we all go when it is our time,
although it takes so many by surprise.
Embrace each and every moment
as the truth indisputably is;
                   We truly never know.