HIS BIRTHDAY

Sixty-seven year old, "Shirley", has been in poor health for many years. Shirley lives with her husband, "Jake", who is twelve years older than she. The couple have four adult children and multiple family members who all live nearby in their small town. This is a very large, extended family who are all very devoted to each other.

The patient had been in the hospital multiple times this previous month. She has been through a lot of treatment for her cancer, but when the doctors offered kidney dialysis, Shirley declined. She became confused and unresponsive while in the hospital. The family wanted to follow Shirley’s wishes to be able to go home. That is when they contacted our hospice for help.

The hospice nurse and I met the family late this afternoon at the patient’s home. Her husband, their four children and numerous other extended family were all holding vigil. One could feel the strong love in this home. We observed each family member caring for each other. Humor was a huge coping mechanism for this family. They were sharing how Shirley would always be laughing so loudly. She never complained about anything, but would rather look on the positive side of what life gives out.

Jake got serious and shared how he wanted Shirley home today as it was his birthday. He told Shirley a few days ago to hang on until his birthday; and she did. Jake said he will be ok after she dies because of his strong faith and his amazing family. Jake and his family are such a strong example of being able to give love to another. What a remarkable family.


HIS BIRTHDAY

Being twelve years older than she,
he always thought she'd outlive him.
But recently things have dramatically changed.
He knows her time is now near.

She's been in the hospital almost a week.
There is nothing more to be done.
He hopes to get her home today.
This special day; his birthday.

She is unresponsive, imminent, hardly aware,
but she did make it home by four.
He stroked her face to say welcome home.
His loving heart so sincere.

Such a large family all gathered around.
Telling her stories; laughing out loud.
Teasing each other in such a positive way.
Obviously, humor, helping them cope.

In the end, he truly knows and strongly believes
it is not what is in your life, but whom.
He felt so blessed that she made it home
on this special day;
                   his birthday. 

A PERFECT PLAN

An urgent referral was made to hospice for "James", eighty-four, who had a sudden decline since he suffered a stroke several weeks past. James has ultimately been in a skilled nursing facility following that stroke.

The hospice nurse and I met James's son, "Dan", and his daughter-in-law, "Julie" in the lobby of the nursing facility. The staff directed us to a conference room down the hall from James room for us to inform the family about hospice supports and to complete the admission paperwork.

Dan immediately started telling us stories about he and his dad and how close they were. While sharing these stories, Dan face would redden and his tears would flow. He would hold onto his wife's hand and continue to share his memories.

Ten minutes into the visit, the admission nurse, out of character, suddenly stood up and said she was going to check on James. She came back a moment later informing us that the patient was near death. Dan and Julie quickly left the room to sit with James. Ten minutes later, James took his last breath.

I have always believed that patient's let go when the time is right for them. It makes me wonder, did James know hospice was there to give comfort to his son? Did James know it was okay to go while his son sat by his bedside? I truly believe we all did witness James's perfect plan.


A PERFECT PLAN

We met them there at ten;
like we had previously scheduled.
We sat in a conference room
not far from where his father slept.

He spoke about his life
and what his father meant to him.
His grief so strong that tears would flow.
They were so sad by his recent decline.

We started to talk about hospice support.
Twenty-four hour care by a dedicated team.
Help us to follow your father's wishes.
Guide us to do things his way.

The hospice nurse hastily left
to check on how his father was doing.
She came back quickly saying,
"He is dying right now; you better come."

Ten minutes later, he was gone.
Letting go with his son by his side.
Did he choose this perfect time to leave?
Did he know there was support for his son?

A gift from a son; he didn't die alone.
A gift from a father; peacefully leaving this life.
Each giving the other a token of love.
All in all;
          indeed it was;
                   a perfect plan.

HE HAS

Sixty-three year old, "Bill", was diagnosed with throat cancer three years ago. He has since been on a feeding tube as can no longer swallow any food or liquid. Bill was referred to hospice as there is no further treatment for him.

Bill lives in the small town where he was born and raised. Three of his children live close by. Bill has a tremendous number of family and friends who are so involved and supportive. He lives in a very tiny apartment in the rough part of town. The strongest impression is all that he doesn't have.

The minute one walks into his tiny apartment, that first impression is immediately gone. Bill has so much love for others and a strong acceptance of personal challenges. We spoke about the loss of not being able to eat or taste food. Food is such a part of every culture in the world. It is a large part of what we do when family is visiting or we are on vacation.

Bill spoke about his losses in such a positive way. He totally has accepted his cancer and limitations. He has a lot of humor and laughs so easily. He knows that he cannot fight his cancer. He has chosen to accept it and continue to enjoy his life to the fullest. He sees death as "an adventure." Bill is such an amazing teacher to us all.


HE HAS

First impressions are powerful.
Conclusions come flying pretty fast.
He lives in such a small apartment.
Hardly any place to sit yourself down.

He's fought his cancer for several years.
A feeding tube keeps him alive.
He has no teeth, his clothes are frayed,
He has so little to get by.

But he astounds you with his attitude.
He smiles, he laughs, he is an amazing guy.
His positive thinking; his corny humor.
His philosophy is, "One step at a time."

He has no fears about dying.
He's not sure about heaven or hell.
"I am at peace with my God.
Death will take us where we need to go."

Initially one notices what he has not,
but once meeting him, you observe so much more.
He has peace, acceptance, love in his life,
while embracing his challenges with open arms.

One can't help noticing
           all that
                     he has.

"I AM SORRY"

"Joseph", sixty-two, was diagnosed with cancer four years ago. He had been doing fine, until four days ago, when he rapidly declined. Joseph lives with his wife, "Barb". They have a daughter, "Annie", living nearby. Joseph stopped eating several days ago and stopped drinking water yesterday. He is bedridden, unresponsive and actively dying.

The hospice nurse and I walked into Joseph's home to do our hospice admission. Barb led us into the kitchen to sit down at the kitchen table. Moments later, Annie walked in. She immediately cried and hugged me so tightly, while saying several times, "I am sorry." So many folks, myself included, say "I am sorry" when we ever cry. One need not ever express regret, but somehow we do feel apologetic.

This family is such a strong example of why hospice workers do what we do. It is so rewarding. This family kept thanking us while crying, but it is us who need to say thank you to them. Barb and Annie’s words were telling us we made a difference to them today. It doesn’t get much better than that.


"I AM SORRY"

Four days ago he was walking.
They thought he had some time.
Now he is bedridden, unresponsive.
Likely hours to days is all.

We walked into their home to support them.
She immediately cried and fell into my arms,
saying, "I am sorry" at least three times.
I held her tight, knowing she needed the embrace.

I praised her for showing her emotions.
It's good not keeping things inside.
It releases your pain, your strong grief.
It's not easy having someone you love die.

They asked about having a priest come out
to bless her father before he dies.
I made a phone call to our chaplain.
A priest was coming in one hour's time.

She was so appreciative. she hugged me
while strongly crying one more time.
Saying again, "I am sorry", but so thankful.
"You were meant to be here today".

She didn't have to apologize to us at all.
We are the blessed ones to be able to come.
It is humbling and an honor to do our work.
We thanked them for all they gave to us.
The gifts do run
               both ways.