READY TO GO

“Janelle”, ninety-one, has had a long history of cardiac disease. She was widowed for many years and has been living alone. Janelle did not look or act her age at all. Two weeks before, she made her daily trek down to the Senior Center, several blocks away, to engage in their daily activities.

She was very social and had many friends. She lived in a one bedroom home behind her grandson and his family’s home. Her grandson and his wife would check in on her, but pretty much, Janelle was able to come and go independently.

Ten days ago, she ended up in the hospital because of her heart condition. The plan was for Janelle to stay in her own home in order that her son, “Gary”, her grandson and his wife would be available to give her the “around-the-clock” care she needed. Gary lived about twenty minutes away, but would be spending much of his time with his mother.

There was no more treatment for Janelle’s damaged heart. She was now on continuous oxygen. When the admission nurse and I walked in, we found Janelle sitting at the kitchen table dabbling at her food. She said her appetite was gone. She also added that she was so weak now. I encouraged her to lay down if she needed, but she wanted to sit up to hear what we had to say. The nurse immediately went with Gary to check out Janelle’s medication. Janelle then turned to me and said that she was ready to go, but Gary wasn’t ready for her to go.

Janelle added that she had no fears about dying, but her primary concern was for her son. She didn’t know how to tell him that she was ready to go. I offered to share the information with him and she immediately responded, “Yes, please.!” After Janelle went to lie down, I shared her wishes with Gary. I shared how it sometimes helps if one can give a loved one permission to go. I said it is okay if you can’t. Just follow your heart and the words will come.

Hours later, Janelle’s illness took a dramatic downward turn. Within two days, she was unresponsive and bedridden. She died two days after our meeting. It seemed fitting, as she had been so independent and in charge during her life. Janelle would have wanted to go this way; quickly and peacefully. Gary was able to give his mom permission to go. Because of her family’s understanding and support, she indeed had a good death.


READY TO GO

　
She has always been very independent.
She lived each day to the fullest.
She was always ready to go;
lunch with friends; Senior Center activities.

Her decline was swift and debilitating.
It caught everyone off guard.
She needs help now with everything.
She can no longer live alone.

With tears in her eyes,
she turned to me and said,
“I am worried about my son.
I am ready to go, but he’s not.”

I asked if she wanted me to tell him.
She eagerly replied, “Yes!”
I informed him of her wishes.
Tearfully, he said, “I understand.”

Two days later, she was bedridden.
She was unresponsive and close to death.
With heartfelt words, he gave her permission to go.
Hours later she quietly passed.

She heard what she needed to hear.
He said she went “calmly with peace”.
“We couldn’t have had it any better.”
Both now ready,
         for her to let go.