Three months ago, ninety-one year old “Inga” fell and broke her hip. While in the hospital recovering, she came down with pneumonia. She was then transferred to a skilled nursing facility to recover. Inga also suffers from end stage cardiac disease. She has been in a recent decline to where she is weaker, eating less and a bit more confused.
Inga normally lives with her husband, “Eddie”. They have been married seventy years. Eddie is ninety-six years old and still gets around using a walker. Inga and Eddie live in a senior retirement community which offers independent living, assisted living and skilled nursing. Inga has been in the skilled nursing unit for two months and is ready to return home to Eddie, who is in assisted living housing section.
Inga and Eddie have three adult children. Their middle son, “Dennis”, visits daily to check in on both of his parents. They had another daughter, “Janet”, who died years ago from cancer. Their eldest son lives in another state and is unable to do any “hands-on” help.
The hospice nurse and I met with Inga and Dennis today to admit Inga to hospice. Inga is bedridden and requires assistance with all of her needs. The plan is for Inga to return home tomorrow. Dennis has arranged for twenty-four hour attendant care for his parents. Dennis had been visiting his parents daily and feels that both of his parents will be much happier together. Dennis states it also will be a lot easier for him to assist them.
Inga smiles so easily with her only focus being to get home to Eddie. Her smile was huge when the hospice nurse informed her that she will be going home tomorrow. Inga has no fears about dying saying she has people she wants to visit. I know that as a mother, the first person she will run to will be her daughter Janet. I can visualize Inga with a huge smile when greeting her daughter. Go in peace, Inga.
GOING HOME
She’s made it to ninety-one years.
Her life has been full.
No matter what; good times or bad,
she will always have a quick smile.
She’s recovering from pneumonia.
She’s been in one hospital or another.
She just wants to get back home
to her husband of seventy years.
They live with around-the-clock care.
They both know they can’t do it alone
He’s ninety-six, but doing better than her.
They’ve been apart much too long.
She knows her days are numbered.
Her strong faith erases any fears.
“I am ready to go to Heaven.
There’s lots of people I want to visit.”
She’ll be in her own bed tomorrow,
with her husband again by her side.
She will get her final wish
before it’s time for her to
go home.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Saturday, April 11, 2015
TOUGH TIMES
“William”, eighty-eight, suffers from Parkinson’s Disease and dementia. He’s suffered from the Parkinson’s for twenty-five years. He has had dementia for ten of those years.
William is married to “Julia”, his wife of forty-eight years. They have one son, who is estranged. Julia had been caring for William in their home until two years ago when she realized, she could no longer manage him. William now resides in a nearby Board and Care home where Julia can visit daily. Julia has her own health issues as walks with a walker. She has had two hip surgeries on the same hip as the first one didn’t work correctly. In addition, she has back problems. Each time Julia shared a story about the struggles in her life, she would always add, “What are you going to do?”
William has been in a recent decline to where he is bedridden, eating very little and sleeping most of his days. He is very hard of hearing and confused; speaking only one to two words at a time. William slept through our entire hospice visit.
The moment we walked in, Julia started to share her stories. She was born in Czechoslovakia. During World War II, her family fled to Germany as the Russians were invading her country. Her family eventually settled in London. When Julia was eighteen, she received a Visa to move to San Francisco. That is where she and William met.
Julia also spoke of her estranged son and how she is best friends with his “ex-ex-ex-ex” girlfriend. In addition, she spoke of all of her own health problems. She has several close friends and a number of very good neighbors. She added that she can get lost in a good book. She says she will read anything she can get her hands on.
Julia takes things in stride with a very positive attitude. She does not complain, but shares these stories with a smile and a laugh. She is so aware of what she can control in life and what she cannot. She keeps moving forward saying, “What are you going to do?” Julia says she will be relieved when William dies. Not for her, but for him. She says he has no quality of life at all. She knows she will miss him, but hates to see him this way.
I know Julia will be okay after all is said and done. She will handle William’s death like all of her other life challenges; with grace, humor and acceptance. She is my hero. She embraces life and works the most out of what she has, choosing not to dwell on what she has lost. “What are you going to do?”
TOUGH TIMES
Her life has been full of heartache.
It’s been one thing after another.
Recent times have been tough for her.
It’s like she got more than her fair share.
She smiles so easily when sharing her stories.
She has no bitterness, no resentment, no blame.
Her life is a dramatic, historical novel.
She looks forward to reading the next page.
Her family left their home during the war.
They had no choice but to abruptly leave.
She was seven and saw it as an adventure.
To a new land, a new culture, a new beginning.
She has her own health problems;
their son is estranged.
Finances are a struggle,
but she’ll never complain.
He got sick twenty-five years ago.
His decline has been steady and slow.
First his body, then his mind.
She continues to smile and plug away.
She has such a positive outlook on life
no matter what comes her way.
She knows to let go when she can’t control.
With a smile, she truly believes,
“What are you going to do?”
William is married to “Julia”, his wife of forty-eight years. They have one son, who is estranged. Julia had been caring for William in their home until two years ago when she realized, she could no longer manage him. William now resides in a nearby Board and Care home where Julia can visit daily. Julia has her own health issues as walks with a walker. She has had two hip surgeries on the same hip as the first one didn’t work correctly. In addition, she has back problems. Each time Julia shared a story about the struggles in her life, she would always add, “What are you going to do?”
William has been in a recent decline to where he is bedridden, eating very little and sleeping most of his days. He is very hard of hearing and confused; speaking only one to two words at a time. William slept through our entire hospice visit.
The moment we walked in, Julia started to share her stories. She was born in Czechoslovakia. During World War II, her family fled to Germany as the Russians were invading her country. Her family eventually settled in London. When Julia was eighteen, she received a Visa to move to San Francisco. That is where she and William met.
Julia also spoke of her estranged son and how she is best friends with his “ex-ex-ex-ex” girlfriend. In addition, she spoke of all of her own health problems. She has several close friends and a number of very good neighbors. She added that she can get lost in a good book. She says she will read anything she can get her hands on.
Julia takes things in stride with a very positive attitude. She does not complain, but shares these stories with a smile and a laugh. She is so aware of what she can control in life and what she cannot. She keeps moving forward saying, “What are you going to do?” Julia says she will be relieved when William dies. Not for her, but for him. She says he has no quality of life at all. She knows she will miss him, but hates to see him this way.
I know Julia will be okay after all is said and done. She will handle William’s death like all of her other life challenges; with grace, humor and acceptance. She is my hero. She embraces life and works the most out of what she has, choosing not to dwell on what she has lost. “What are you going to do?”
TOUGH TIMES
Her life has been full of heartache.
It’s been one thing after another.
Recent times have been tough for her.
It’s like she got more than her fair share.
She smiles so easily when sharing her stories.
She has no bitterness, no resentment, no blame.
Her life is a dramatic, historical novel.
She looks forward to reading the next page.
Her family left their home during the war.
They had no choice but to abruptly leave.
She was seven and saw it as an adventure.
To a new land, a new culture, a new beginning.
She has her own health problems;
their son is estranged.
Finances are a struggle,
but she’ll never complain.
He got sick twenty-five years ago.
His decline has been steady and slow.
First his body, then his mind.
She continues to smile and plug away.
She has such a positive outlook on life
no matter what comes her way.
She knows to let go when she can’t control.
With a smile, she truly believes,
“What are you going to do?”
Saturday, April 4, 2015
READY TO GO
“Janelle”, ninety-one, has had a long history of cardiac disease. She was widowed for many years and has been living alone. Janelle did not look or act her age at all. Two weeks before, she made her daily trek down to the Senior Center, several blocks away, to engage in their daily activities.
She was very social and had many friends. She lived in a one bedroom home behind her grandson and his family’s home. Her grandson and his wife would check in on her, but pretty much, Janelle was able to come and go independently.
Ten days ago, she ended up in the hospital because of her heart condition. The plan was for Janelle to stay in her own home in order that her son, “Gary”, her grandson and his wife would be available to give her the “around-the-clock” care she needed. Gary lived about twenty minutes away, but would be spending much of his time with his mother.
There was no more treatment for Janelle’s damaged heart. She was now on continuous oxygen. When the admission nurse and I walked in, we found Janelle sitting at the kitchen table dabbling at her food. She said her appetite was gone. She also added that she was so weak now. I encouraged her to lay down if she needed, but she wanted to sit up to hear what we had to say. The nurse immediately went with Gary to check out Janelle’s medication. Janelle then turned to me and said that she was ready to go, but Gary wasn’t ready for her to go.
Janelle added that she had no fears about dying, but her primary concern was for her son. She didn’t know how to tell him that she was ready to go. I offered to share the information with him and she immediately responded, “Yes, please.!” After Janelle went to lie down, I shared her wishes with Gary. I shared how it sometimes helps if one can give a loved one permission to go. I said it is okay if you can’t. Just follow your heart and the words will come.
Hours later, Janelle’s illness took a dramatic downward turn. Within two days, she was unresponsive and bedridden. She died two days after our meeting. It seemed fitting, as she had been so independent and in charge during her life. Janelle would have wanted to go this way; quickly and peacefully. Gary was able to give his mom permission to go. Because of her family’s understanding and support, she indeed had a good death.
READY TO GO
She has always been very independent.
She lived each day to the fullest.
She was always ready to go;
lunch with friends; Senior Center activities.
Her decline was swift and debilitating.
It caught everyone off guard.
She needs help now with everything.
She can no longer live alone.
With tears in her eyes,
she turned to me and said,
“I am worried about my son.
I am ready to go, but he’s not.”
I asked if she wanted me to tell him.
She eagerly replied, “Yes!”
I informed him of her wishes.
Tearfully, he said, “I understand.”
Two days later, she was bedridden.
She was unresponsive and close to death.
With heartfelt words, he gave her permission to go.
Hours later she quietly passed.
She heard what she needed to hear.
He said she went “calmly with peace”.
“We couldn’t have had it any better.”
Both now ready,
for her to let go.
She was very social and had many friends. She lived in a one bedroom home behind her grandson and his family’s home. Her grandson and his wife would check in on her, but pretty much, Janelle was able to come and go independently.
Ten days ago, she ended up in the hospital because of her heart condition. The plan was for Janelle to stay in her own home in order that her son, “Gary”, her grandson and his wife would be available to give her the “around-the-clock” care she needed. Gary lived about twenty minutes away, but would be spending much of his time with his mother.
There was no more treatment for Janelle’s damaged heart. She was now on continuous oxygen. When the admission nurse and I walked in, we found Janelle sitting at the kitchen table dabbling at her food. She said her appetite was gone. She also added that she was so weak now. I encouraged her to lay down if she needed, but she wanted to sit up to hear what we had to say. The nurse immediately went with Gary to check out Janelle’s medication. Janelle then turned to me and said that she was ready to go, but Gary wasn’t ready for her to go.
Janelle added that she had no fears about dying, but her primary concern was for her son. She didn’t know how to tell him that she was ready to go. I offered to share the information with him and she immediately responded, “Yes, please.!” After Janelle went to lie down, I shared her wishes with Gary. I shared how it sometimes helps if one can give a loved one permission to go. I said it is okay if you can’t. Just follow your heart and the words will come.
Hours later, Janelle’s illness took a dramatic downward turn. Within two days, she was unresponsive and bedridden. She died two days after our meeting. It seemed fitting, as she had been so independent and in charge during her life. Janelle would have wanted to go this way; quickly and peacefully. Gary was able to give his mom permission to go. Because of her family’s understanding and support, she indeed had a good death.
READY TO GO
She has always been very independent.
She lived each day to the fullest.
She was always ready to go;
lunch with friends; Senior Center activities.
Her decline was swift and debilitating.
It caught everyone off guard.
She needs help now with everything.
She can no longer live alone.
With tears in her eyes,
she turned to me and said,
“I am worried about my son.
I am ready to go, but he’s not.”
I asked if she wanted me to tell him.
She eagerly replied, “Yes!”
I informed him of her wishes.
Tearfully, he said, “I understand.”
Two days later, she was bedridden.
She was unresponsive and close to death.
With heartfelt words, he gave her permission to go.
Hours later she quietly passed.
She heard what she needed to hear.
He said she went “calmly with peace”.
“We couldn’t have had it any better.”
Both now ready,
for her to let go.
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