"I AM DONE"

“Doris”, ninety-four, was widowed six weeks ago after a seventy-three year marriage. Doris suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although forgetful, Doris is still very much aware. The hospice nurse and I met with Doris and her daughter, “Kendra” to open Doris to hospice. Doris has been in a recent decline to where she is only eating bites of food each day. Doris is getting weak and spends most of her days in bed.

Kendra shared that her mother has been depressed for years, but things have exacerbated since her father died. Her father was sick for only a short time before he died. He had been so active in the assisted living community where now just Doris resides. He also had been Doris’s caretaker.

For most of the visit, Doris sat with us at the kitchen table with her eyes closed. She had her head hung down as if she were sleeping. Doris heard every word we said, as with the mention of her husband’s name, she would open her eyes and smile. Doris didn’t talk much, but would always articulate a few words when speaking of her husband.

Kendra cannot completely grieve the loss of her father due to mom’s need for help and attention. Kendra lives about ninety minutes away and stays overnight every Monday to help out. Kendra has hired twenty-four hour attendant care to be with Doris.

Kendra is trying to be supportive for Doris, but is struggling with her mother’s decline so close to her father’s death. It is a double hit for Kendra. Kendra puts on a good face for her mother, but her tears do show easily when talking about her father. Fortunately, Kendra has a lot of support from her own family and co-workers. Hospice also has wonderful support to help Kendra and her mother with their individual grief and feelings of loss. I only hope that both Kendra and Doris find their much needed peace.


“I AM DONE”
　

Her parents were the perfect pair.
Soul mates from the start.
Dad is whom mom lived for;
but now he is gone.

She has always had some depression;
but it was he who kept her strong.
Now she has given up on life,
“I am done.”

She isn’t eating much at all.
She is losing lots of weight.
She spends most days in bed.
“Why can’t I just die?”

Their pain is still raw and deep
as it has only been six weeks.
Mom has given up on life;
while she is trying to just hold on.

Mom’s face shows no emotion;
while her tears easily flow.
She pats mom’s hand in understanding.
She wants to do the right thing;
       until
              she is done.