Later this week, it will have been a year that I was admitted into the hospital for a ruptured appendix. While in the emergency room, I had an “out-of-body” experience. I almost died that day, but felt it wasn’t my time while standing outside heaven’s gate. The entire experience of being in the hospital 19 days and fully recovering from such a critical diagnosis, while getting a peek of the other side, has been life changing.
Feeling the love of so many is what has stayed with me. I have always had so many that I care about and have known that so many care back to me as well. But living the reality of that support has reached another amazing level. This experience has brought up so many questions with no answers for me. Why did I experience this? What do I need to do with this?
I have always been one to follow my heart and have been sharing my incredible story when it felt right to do so. I have had so many remarkable experiences with sharing my story. I have come to terms that likely I don’t need to know why or what to do with it. I feel that the story needs to be shared. I trust that feeling, so that is what I do.
The hospice nurse and I went to the same hospital today to admit a new patient to our service. While walking into the hospital and experiencing the familiar environment, memories came flooding back. I have such mixed emotions of amazement, blessings and astonishment. That experience was one of the toughest things I have ever had to go through, but the love and support is what stays with me. It might be what others with Post Traumatic Stress Disease (PTSD) experience, although I feel I have PTBD, (Post Traumatic Blessed Disease).
I feel blessed to have had this experience even with all of the fear and pain. I wouldn’t change a thing. It has changed my life in so many amazing ways. I thank God each and every day for stretching me to a higher awakening.
ALMOST A YEAR
It has been almost a year
since I saw the other side.
Fall was in the air,
when God blessed me with divine.
It’s been an amazing year.
Sharing my story with so many.
Trying to comfort with my experience.
Needing to enlighten and reveal.
I still am trying to process things,
while attempting to stay in the flow.
Sharing the story when my heart directs.
Not knowing what else to do with it all.
I walked those same hospital halls today.
The first time in almost a year.
All the emotions have flooded back;
the amazement; the blessings; the fears.
I am still not sure why I got a small peak;
a glimpse of the other side.
Maybe one day I will understand,
but for now, I will continue to share,
as that’s all that I know,
like I have been doing
for almost a year.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Saturday, October 18, 2014
"I AM DONE"
“Doris”, ninety-four, was widowed six weeks ago after a seventy-three year marriage. Doris suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although forgetful, Doris is still very much aware. The hospice nurse and I met with Doris and her daughter, “Kendra” to open Doris to hospice. Doris has been in a recent decline to where she is only eating bites of food each day. Doris is getting weak and spends most of her days in bed.
Kendra shared that her mother has been depressed for years, but things have exacerbated since her father died. Her father was sick for only a short time before he died. He had been so active in the assisted living community where now just Doris resides. He also had been Doris’s caretaker.
For most of the visit, Doris sat with us at the kitchen table with her eyes closed. She had her head hung down as if she were sleeping. Doris heard every word we said, as with the mention of her husband’s name, she would open her eyes and smile. Doris didn’t talk much, but would always articulate a few words when speaking of her husband.
Kendra cannot completely grieve the loss of her father due to mom’s need for help and attention. Kendra lives about ninety minutes away and stays overnight every Monday to help out. Kendra has hired twenty-four hour attendant care to be with Doris.
Kendra is trying to be supportive for Doris, but is struggling with her mother’s decline so close to her father’s death. It is a double hit for Kendra. Kendra puts on a good face for her mother, but her tears do show easily when talking about her father. Fortunately, Kendra has a lot of support from her own family and co-workers. Hospice also has wonderful support to help Kendra and her mother with their individual grief and feelings of loss. I only hope that both Kendra and Doris find their much needed peace.
“I AM DONE”
Her parents were the perfect pair.
Soul mates from the start.
Dad is whom mom lived for;
but now he is gone.
She has always had some depression;
but it was he who kept her strong.
Now she has given up on life,
“I am done.”
She isn’t eating much at all.
She is losing lots of weight.
She spends most days in bed.
“Why can’t I just die?”
Their pain is still raw and deep
as it has only been six weeks.
Mom has given up on life;
while she is trying to just hold on.
Mom’s face shows no emotion;
while her tears easily flow.
She pats mom’s hand in understanding.
She wants to do the right thing;
until
she is done.
Kendra shared that her mother has been depressed for years, but things have exacerbated since her father died. Her father was sick for only a short time before he died. He had been so active in the assisted living community where now just Doris resides. He also had been Doris’s caretaker.
For most of the visit, Doris sat with us at the kitchen table with her eyes closed. She had her head hung down as if she were sleeping. Doris heard every word we said, as with the mention of her husband’s name, she would open her eyes and smile. Doris didn’t talk much, but would always articulate a few words when speaking of her husband.
Kendra cannot completely grieve the loss of her father due to mom’s need for help and attention. Kendra lives about ninety minutes away and stays overnight every Monday to help out. Kendra has hired twenty-four hour attendant care to be with Doris.
Kendra is trying to be supportive for Doris, but is struggling with her mother’s decline so close to her father’s death. It is a double hit for Kendra. Kendra puts on a good face for her mother, but her tears do show easily when talking about her father. Fortunately, Kendra has a lot of support from her own family and co-workers. Hospice also has wonderful support to help Kendra and her mother with their individual grief and feelings of loss. I only hope that both Kendra and Doris find their much needed peace.
“I AM DONE”
Her parents were the perfect pair.
Soul mates from the start.
Dad is whom mom lived for;
but now he is gone.
She has always had some depression;
but it was he who kept her strong.
Now she has given up on life,
“I am done.”
She isn’t eating much at all.
She is losing lots of weight.
She spends most days in bed.
“Why can’t I just die?”
Their pain is still raw and deep
as it has only been six weeks.
Mom has given up on life;
while she is trying to just hold on.
Mom’s face shows no emotion;
while her tears easily flow.
She pats mom’s hand in understanding.
She wants to do the right thing;
until
she is done.
Saturday, October 11, 2014
MEMORIES
Eighty-four year old, “Eddie” suffers from end-stage cardiac disease. Eddie is married to “Victoria”, his wife of sixty years. Eddie and Victoria met when Eddie and his family moved into the neighborhood. Victoria and Eddie were eighteen and twenty-two years old; respectively. Eddie’s family invited Victoria and her family over for cake and coffee. All the family members went except for Victoria as she had been previously invited to a baby shower.
The next day, Eddie showed up at her door with cake and coffee. She was smitten and the two began dating from that day on. Eddie and Victoria moved into their current home over fifty years ago. The home is full of so many mementos and photos. Every spot is covered with old photos of generations of family members. Mixed in between are souvenirs from fishing trips and other vacations.
Eddie and Victoria have two adult sons. The two boys live on the same property in separate houses. Both boys are available as needed to help their mother care for their father. Eddie has declined rapidly these past few months to where he now is bedridden and needing assistance with all of his needs. Victoria, too, has a heart condition and is on oxygen. Her sons are able to help her with any lifting that is needed as well as being available so Victoria can run errands and do the grocery shopping.
When the nurse and I first entered the home, Victoria shed some tears when talking about Eddie dying. She knows it won’t be long as he is eating very little and is so weak. Her face will shift from sadness quickly if you ask her about Eddie’s life. She will light up, sit for a minute, and share several stories. She is so proud of him. It is quite obvious how much she loves him.
When the nurse asked Eddie if he would like a hospital bed, he replied, “No, I want my mate by my side.” Eddie’s only concern is Victoria and Victoria’s only concern is Eddie. They both have been doing something right for sixty years. They are an inspiration. I wish them well.
MEMORIES
Their home is full of memories.
Keepsakes of days now past.
Numerous yellowed photographs;
generations of smiling faces.
She had so many stories to share
of their sixty years as man and wife.
How they met when he moved nearby.
Properties touching by the back fence.
His decline has been swift.
She struggles to let him go.
She’ll tear up knowing it won’t be long.
“The years have gone way too fast”.
Her face lights up when asked about him.
She’ll sit quietly for a moment or two,
then share a story about him, adding,
“He’s such a nice man.”
If you ask him about his worries;
he’ll immediately mention her.
For himself, he says he’s doing okay.
“I’m eighty-four years old.
Nothing scares me.”
The next day, Eddie showed up at her door with cake and coffee. She was smitten and the two began dating from that day on. Eddie and Victoria moved into their current home over fifty years ago. The home is full of so many mementos and photos. Every spot is covered with old photos of generations of family members. Mixed in between are souvenirs from fishing trips and other vacations.
Eddie and Victoria have two adult sons. The two boys live on the same property in separate houses. Both boys are available as needed to help their mother care for their father. Eddie has declined rapidly these past few months to where he now is bedridden and needing assistance with all of his needs. Victoria, too, has a heart condition and is on oxygen. Her sons are able to help her with any lifting that is needed as well as being available so Victoria can run errands and do the grocery shopping.
When the nurse and I first entered the home, Victoria shed some tears when talking about Eddie dying. She knows it won’t be long as he is eating very little and is so weak. Her face will shift from sadness quickly if you ask her about Eddie’s life. She will light up, sit for a minute, and share several stories. She is so proud of him. It is quite obvious how much she loves him.
When the nurse asked Eddie if he would like a hospital bed, he replied, “No, I want my mate by my side.” Eddie’s only concern is Victoria and Victoria’s only concern is Eddie. They both have been doing something right for sixty years. They are an inspiration. I wish them well.
MEMORIES
Their home is full of memories.
Keepsakes of days now past.
Numerous yellowed photographs;
generations of smiling faces.
She had so many stories to share
of their sixty years as man and wife.
How they met when he moved nearby.
Properties touching by the back fence.
His decline has been swift.
She struggles to let him go.
She’ll tear up knowing it won’t be long.
“The years have gone way too fast”.
Her face lights up when asked about him.
She’ll sit quietly for a moment or two,
then share a story about him, adding,
“He’s such a nice man.”
If you ask him about his worries;
he’ll immediately mention her.
For himself, he says he’s doing okay.
“I’m eighty-four years old.
Nothing scares me.”
Saturday, October 4, 2014
CHECKERS
Ninety-seven year old “Olive” suffers from end stage cardiac disease. She has been widowed for years and had been living alone until recently when she moved in with her son and his family. Olive needs help during her day. She uses a walker to get around.
I went out to shadow our chaplain during her visit today. Before the visit, the chaplain told me about Olive and how she loves to play checkers. The chaplain plays three to four games with each weekly visit. Her goal is to get Olive to open up spiritually if and when she needs to do so.
Olive had me from the moment I walked into her home. She had us all laughing with her delightful sense of humor. She will laugh so easily. She loves to tease and just laughs so much harder if you tease her back.
Olive couldn’t wait for the chaplain to set up the checker board. As usual, Olive won all three games. She is so good at Checkers, her family won’t play with her. Olive’s nine year old grandson was visiting. He says he plays with Granny. He added that he wins some of the times.
Olive has so much spunk and energy, I would have guessed her age fifteen years younger than her nine-seven years. She is a gem and a role model for all of us in how to fully enjoy life. There isn’t much that can get her down. Way to go Olive!!!!
CHECKERS
She loves to play checkers.
She’ll beat you most every time.
She laughs when she’s jumps your man,
but equally giggles when you jump hers.
She’ll share life stories while she plays.
Reminiscing about the olden days.
Telling us about when they bought their first home.
The down payment, not money, but an old Packard they owned.
She has a great sense of humor.
Laughing at how she’s going to tease her son.
Knowing he will phone tonight.
Looking forward to his nightly call.
She doesn’t look or act her age.
If one guesses, they likely would be wrong.
She has so much life and energy.
Her mind is as sharp as they come.
She’ll continue to laugh; to share her life.
She’ll continue to play her game.
“Well come on, set up the checker board”,
just like she has for almost all of her
ninety-seven years.
I went out to shadow our chaplain during her visit today. Before the visit, the chaplain told me about Olive and how she loves to play checkers. The chaplain plays three to four games with each weekly visit. Her goal is to get Olive to open up spiritually if and when she needs to do so.
Olive had me from the moment I walked into her home. She had us all laughing with her delightful sense of humor. She will laugh so easily. She loves to tease and just laughs so much harder if you tease her back.
Olive couldn’t wait for the chaplain to set up the checker board. As usual, Olive won all three games. She is so good at Checkers, her family won’t play with her. Olive’s nine year old grandson was visiting. He says he plays with Granny. He added that he wins some of the times.
Olive has so much spunk and energy, I would have guessed her age fifteen years younger than her nine-seven years. She is a gem and a role model for all of us in how to fully enjoy life. There isn’t much that can get her down. Way to go Olive!!!!
CHECKERS
She loves to play checkers.
She’ll beat you most every time.
She laughs when she’s jumps your man,
but equally giggles when you jump hers.
She’ll share life stories while she plays.
Reminiscing about the olden days.
Telling us about when they bought their first home.
The down payment, not money, but an old Packard they owned.
She has a great sense of humor.
Laughing at how she’s going to tease her son.
Knowing he will phone tonight.
Looking forward to his nightly call.
She doesn’t look or act her age.
If one guesses, they likely would be wrong.
She has so much life and energy.
Her mind is as sharp as they come.
She’ll continue to laugh; to share her life.
She’ll continue to play her game.
“Well come on, set up the checker board”,
just like she has for almost all of her
ninety-seven years.
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