DYING

“Paul”, seventy-nine, suffers from end stage lung disease. Paul is widowed and lives alone in a mobile home park. Paul has one daughter, “Terry”, who lives nearby. The plan is for Paul to move in with Terry when he is no longer able to live alone.

Paul is still able to manage all of his needs without help. Paul chooses not to drive any longer because of the strong medication he is taking. Paul has several good neighbors who will help him whenever he needs them. Paul is pretty stubborn and it is that stubbornness that is keeping him going each day.

Terry calls her dad daily to check in. Terry wants to help him in any way she can, but Paul is resistant to reach out to her or anyone. Paul has a strong, independent personality. Likely it is that determination that is keeping him going as well.

Paul feels guilty that dying is taking so long as he feels Terry has put her life on hold for him. He knows that Terry and her husband want to move to be near her husband’s family in Australia.

Paul states he has had a good life with no regrets or unfinished business. He is ready to go. He feels he is just waiting around to die. I told Paul that he is living as much as each and everyone of us. We are all living until we breathe our last breath. I hope Paul can find his peace and find some joy in the days he has left.

DYING
　

He’s known to be quite stubborn.
Always wanting to be in charge.
He’d be thankful for a sudden heart attack.
“Let’s get this dying over with”.

His daughter wants to help him out.
She calls daily to check in.
He says he doesn’t need the help.
He tells her that he’s doing okay.

He says she’s stubborn and bosses him around.
She gives him lots of advice.
I say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Conversations sometimes end in a fight.

He feels she’s put her life on hold for him.
She’s made plans after he is gone.
He feels guilty making her wait,
“Dying is taking way too long.”

He’s in a slow decline,
but still able to easily get around.
With his daughter on his mind, he will sadly say,
I didn’t think dying would be this hard.”