ANGRY

Eighty-two year old “Orrin” suffers from end stage lung disease. Orrin is on continuous oxygen and has been getting weaker and weaker by the week. Orrin lives with his wife of thirty-seven years, “Donna”. Donna and Orrin have three children between them. Unfortunately, all of the children live in the Midwest and unable to help out.

Each time I made a visit, Orrin would greet me with this wonderful smile. He would welcome me into his home and state how glad he was that I was there. He was a charmer and so enjoyed company.

It is quite obvious how much Orrin and Donna love each other. Within moments of meeting the two of them, one notices how much they care for the other with their words and thoughtfulness. Their marriage is also based on truth and trust. They are both brutally honest with each other. During those honest conversations, oftentimes their anger rises up.

Orrin started to decline quickly to where he was total care. He was bedridden and not sleeping at night. Donna was getting exhausted and tried hiring attendant care and using hospice’s respite and volunteer support. Because of her lack of sleep, those plans were not effective. Donna decided to place Orrin in a nearby Board and Care home. Donna felt guilty, but knew she had no choice. I told her that what Orrin needs most from her is for her to be his wife. By placing him in a board and care home, she can focus on giving him the love only a wife can give.

Donna didn’t inform Orrin of her plans until the gurney transport was at the front door. Orrin was furious and felt betrayed and abandoned by Donna. Donna visited Orrin daily, but he continued to be angry and depressed.

I made a visit to see Orrin to give him support. He continued to be angry and felt abandoned. The following morning, as I was walking into the hospice office, I noticed a copper penny right by the front door. I picked it up and wondered who had died and was telling me that they were okay. Several minutes later, I heard that Orrin had died two hours before.

I have experienced and heard so many stories about copper pennies being a vessel from the other side letting us know they are okay. Somehow it makes sense and I believe that the penny was a message from Orrin telling me he was okay. I pray he has found his peace.


ANGRY
　

He had the sweetest smile.
He could charm you with his words.
He loved having company.
He loved his wife even more.

Her patience was quickly getting depleted
as she was drained and wearing out.
She had to get some sleep,
but there was no one else to help.

She could not keep up the demanding pace
so she arranged for him to go to a facility.
She didn’t tell him of her plans,
until the transport was at the front door.

He believed she didn’t love him any longer.
He felt abandoned and betrayed.
He’d lash out to those nearby adding,
“I’m angry at the world!”

My last visit was hard for him.
His smile replaced by a scowl.
His charm replaced by swear words.
So many regrets were holding him down.

I found a penny this morning.
Hard not to notice, lying by the hospice front door.
I wondered who was leaving a message.
Then moments later, learned he had died.

I’d like to think he was telling us
that he is fine and doing well.
No more doubt about his wife’s love for him.
His charm and smile forevermore around.