“Ward”, eighty-seven was only on hospice for one day. Ward suffered from leukemia and his decline was swift. I called the home and spoke with Ward’s wife, “Nina”, about scheduling a visit. Being a Friday, she asked that I call her early next week as her family were all coming into town. She added that she felt Ward was nearing the end of his life. She denied any current need and we agreed that I would call her after the weekend.
Ward died later that same evening with all of his family around. After the weekend, when I spoke with Nina, it was to offer condolences. Nina said she was doing just fine as she has a very supportive, close-knit family. She did say that there was one thing that I could do for her. She said she was getting so stressed over all the paperwork that needs to be completed.
Ward’s memorial was only two days away and she was told by the mortuary that they cannot release a body without a death certificate signed by the patient’s doctor. I made a quick phone call and was informed that the certificate would be ready later this afternoon. I called Nina back and informed her of what I was told. I shared that it is all done electronically and the funeral home should have the paperwork by day’s end.
Nina could not thank me enough. She was so grateful. It made me stop and think about the profoundness of little things. It doesn’t take much to make a phone call or say thank you. Both of us were grateful for the other doing “one little thing.”
ONE LITTLE THING
His decline was swift.
Not much time to adjust.
Family quickly rallied and were together,
when he took his final breath.
I called to offer condolences.
To let her know that she’s not alone.
To avail herself to our bereavement support;
counseling, phone calls, mailings, groups.
She said she and the family were doing okay.
She knows they will be just fine.
Her only stressor is all the paperwork,
if I could help with one little thing.
She felt overwhelmed by all the details.
Her emotions were running raw.
I made the phone call to ease her mind.
It didn’t seem much at the time.
She was so grateful and said,
“You did me a big favor today.
I can take a nap now and really sleep.
Thank you so much for helping me”.
It was my pleasure to help her out.
A few moments of my time.
A simple phone call to me was huge for her.
Both feeling grateful because of
one little thing.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
ANGRY
Eighty-two year old “Orrin” suffers from end stage lung disease. Orrin is on continuous oxygen and has been getting weaker and weaker by the week. Orrin lives with his wife of thirty-seven years, “Donna”. Donna and Orrin have three children between them. Unfortunately, all of the children live in the Midwest and unable to help out.
Each time I made a visit, Orrin would greet me with this wonderful smile. He would welcome me into his home and state how glad he was that I was there. He was a charmer and so enjoyed company.
It is quite obvious how much Orrin and Donna love each other. Within moments of meeting the two of them, one notices how much they care for the other with their words and thoughtfulness. Their marriage is also based on truth and trust. They are both brutally honest with each other. During those honest conversations, oftentimes their anger rises up.
Orrin started to decline quickly to where he was total care. He was bedridden and not sleeping at night. Donna was getting exhausted and tried hiring attendant care and using hospice’s respite and volunteer support. Because of her lack of sleep, those plans were not effective. Donna decided to place Orrin in a nearby Board and Care home. Donna felt guilty, but knew she had no choice. I told her that what Orrin needs most from her is for her to be his wife. By placing him in a board and care home, she can focus on giving him the love only a wife can give.
Donna didn’t inform Orrin of her plans until the gurney transport was at the front door. Orrin was furious and felt betrayed and abandoned by Donna. Donna visited Orrin daily, but he continued to be angry and depressed.
I made a visit to see Orrin to give him support. He continued to be angry and felt abandoned. The following morning, as I was walking into the hospice office, I noticed a copper penny right by the front door. I picked it up and wondered who had died and was telling me that they were okay. Several minutes later, I heard that Orrin had died two hours before.
I have experienced and heard so many stories about copper pennies being a vessel from the other side letting us know they are okay. Somehow it makes sense and I believe that the penny was a message from Orrin telling me he was okay. I pray he has found his peace.
ANGRY
He had the sweetest smile.
He could charm you with his words.
He loved having company.
He loved his wife even more.
Her patience was quickly getting depleted
as she was drained and wearing out.
She had to get some sleep,
but there was no one else to help.
She could not keep up the demanding pace
so she arranged for him to go to a facility.
She didn’t tell him of her plans,
until the transport was at the front door.
He believed she didn’t love him any longer.
He felt abandoned and betrayed.
He’d lash out to those nearby adding,
“I’m angry at the world!”
My last visit was hard for him.
His smile replaced by a scowl.
His charm replaced by swear words.
So many regrets were holding him down.
I found a penny this morning.
Hard not to notice, lying by the hospice front door.
I wondered who was leaving a message.
Then moments later, learned he had died.
I’d like to think he was telling us
that he is fine and doing well.
No more doubt about his wife’s love for him.
His charm and smile forevermore around.
Each time I made a visit, Orrin would greet me with this wonderful smile. He would welcome me into his home and state how glad he was that I was there. He was a charmer and so enjoyed company.
It is quite obvious how much Orrin and Donna love each other. Within moments of meeting the two of them, one notices how much they care for the other with their words and thoughtfulness. Their marriage is also based on truth and trust. They are both brutally honest with each other. During those honest conversations, oftentimes their anger rises up.
Orrin started to decline quickly to where he was total care. He was bedridden and not sleeping at night. Donna was getting exhausted and tried hiring attendant care and using hospice’s respite and volunteer support. Because of her lack of sleep, those plans were not effective. Donna decided to place Orrin in a nearby Board and Care home. Donna felt guilty, but knew she had no choice. I told her that what Orrin needs most from her is for her to be his wife. By placing him in a board and care home, she can focus on giving him the love only a wife can give.
Donna didn’t inform Orrin of her plans until the gurney transport was at the front door. Orrin was furious and felt betrayed and abandoned by Donna. Donna visited Orrin daily, but he continued to be angry and depressed.
I made a visit to see Orrin to give him support. He continued to be angry and felt abandoned. The following morning, as I was walking into the hospice office, I noticed a copper penny right by the front door. I picked it up and wondered who had died and was telling me that they were okay. Several minutes later, I heard that Orrin had died two hours before.
I have experienced and heard so many stories about copper pennies being a vessel from the other side letting us know they are okay. Somehow it makes sense and I believe that the penny was a message from Orrin telling me he was okay. I pray he has found his peace.
ANGRY
He had the sweetest smile.
He could charm you with his words.
He loved having company.
He loved his wife even more.
Her patience was quickly getting depleted
as she was drained and wearing out.
She had to get some sleep,
but there was no one else to help.
She could not keep up the demanding pace
so she arranged for him to go to a facility.
She didn’t tell him of her plans,
until the transport was at the front door.
He believed she didn’t love him any longer.
He felt abandoned and betrayed.
He’d lash out to those nearby adding,
“I’m angry at the world!”
My last visit was hard for him.
His smile replaced by a scowl.
His charm replaced by swear words.
So many regrets were holding him down.
I found a penny this morning.
Hard not to notice, lying by the hospice front door.
I wondered who was leaving a message.
Then moments later, learned he had died.
I’d like to think he was telling us
that he is fine and doing well.
No more doubt about his wife’s love for him.
His charm and smile forevermore around.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
DYING
“Paul”, seventy-nine, suffers from end stage lung disease. Paul is widowed and lives alone in a mobile home park. Paul has one daughter, “Terry”, who lives nearby. The plan is for Paul to move in with Terry when he is no longer able to live alone.
Paul is still able to manage all of his needs without help. Paul chooses not to drive any longer because of the strong medication he is taking. Paul has several good neighbors who will help him whenever he needs them. Paul is pretty stubborn and it is that stubbornness that is keeping him going each day.
Terry calls her dad daily to check in. Terry wants to help him in any way she can, but Paul is resistant to reach out to her or anyone. Paul has a strong, independent personality. Likely it is that determination that is keeping him going as well.
Paul feels guilty that dying is taking so long as he feels Terry has put her life on hold for him. He knows that Terry and her husband want to move to be near her husband’s family in Australia.
Paul states he has had a good life with no regrets or unfinished business. He is ready to go. He feels he is just waiting around to die. I told Paul that he is living as much as each and everyone of us. We are all living until we breathe our last breath. I hope Paul can find his peace and find some joy in the days he has left.
DYING
He’s known to be quite stubborn.
Always wanting to be in charge.
He’d be thankful for a sudden heart attack.
“Let’s get this dying over with”.
His daughter wants to help him out.
She calls daily to check in.
He says he doesn’t need the help.
He tells her that he’s doing okay.
He says she’s stubborn and bosses him around.
She gives him lots of advice.
I say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Conversations sometimes end in a fight.
He feels she’s put her life on hold for him.
She’s made plans after he is gone.
He feels guilty making her wait,
“Dying is taking way too long.”
He’s in a slow decline,
but still able to easily get around.
With his daughter on his mind, he will sadly say,
I didn’t think dying would be this hard.”
Paul is still able to manage all of his needs without help. Paul chooses not to drive any longer because of the strong medication he is taking. Paul has several good neighbors who will help him whenever he needs them. Paul is pretty stubborn and it is that stubbornness that is keeping him going each day.
Terry calls her dad daily to check in. Terry wants to help him in any way she can, but Paul is resistant to reach out to her or anyone. Paul has a strong, independent personality. Likely it is that determination that is keeping him going as well.
Paul feels guilty that dying is taking so long as he feels Terry has put her life on hold for him. He knows that Terry and her husband want to move to be near her husband’s family in Australia.
Paul states he has had a good life with no regrets or unfinished business. He is ready to go. He feels he is just waiting around to die. I told Paul that he is living as much as each and everyone of us. We are all living until we breathe our last breath. I hope Paul can find his peace and find some joy in the days he has left.
DYING
He’s known to be quite stubborn.
Always wanting to be in charge.
He’d be thankful for a sudden heart attack.
“Let’s get this dying over with”.
His daughter wants to help him out.
She calls daily to check in.
He says he doesn’t need the help.
He tells her that he’s doing okay.
He says she’s stubborn and bosses him around.
She gives him lots of advice.
I say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Conversations sometimes end in a fight.
He feels she’s put her life on hold for him.
She’s made plans after he is gone.
He feels guilty making her wait,
“Dying is taking way too long.”
He’s in a slow decline,
but still able to easily get around.
With his daughter on his mind, he will sadly say,
I didn’t think dying would be this hard.”
Saturday, July 5, 2014
A WEEK
Eighty-six year old, “Mona”, suffers from melanoma that has spread to her bones. Mona lives with “Sonny”, her husband of sixty-six years. Five months ago, Mona was told that her cancer had spread. It was a rough week for the family, as three days prior, Sonny suffered a stroke.
Over the course of these past five months, Sonny has improved to where he is able to walk around without any devices and manage his own needs. Mona had been doing well for all of this time as well. Between the two of them, they easily managed most of their needs. Mona and Sonny have four adult children; although only two live nearby. Their daughter, “Debra”, has moved in to take care of them. Debra works as a school teacher, but typically can be home by mid afternoon. The family has hired help as well so that Mona and Sonny are only alone a few hours each day.
The two of them had been managing quite well until this past week. Mona wanted to live until Sonny’s 90th birthday, which was five days ago. All of the family were able to attend the party which made quite a crowd. Mona spent most of the day in bed as she was not feeling well. Mona said that relatives would sit by her bedside throughout the day. She said it tired her out even more.
Mona would like to set another goal in the future to have something to look forward to, although spoke of how difficult this past week has been for her. She has never had the fear of dying, but still is not ready to go. With these new changes and decline, the reality of what is going on is starting to set in. Mona is getting tired, but not yet ready to let go. I only hope for her to be able to make it to her next goal.
ADDENDUM: Mona died peacefully 3 weeks later with her family at the bedside.
A WEEK
She had been in a slow decline,
but still able to easily get around.
Her goal was to enjoy his 90th birthday.
That day has now come and gone.
This week has been a rough one for her.
She’s nauseas and doesn’t want to eat.
She is weak more often now.
She’s spending more time in bed.
She wants to look forward to an outing,
but those days are becoming less and less.
Things are changing so quickly now.
Her quality of life is fading fast.
She has no fear of dying,
but isn’t ready for it to come.
She has always been such a social person.
She’s isn’t ready to let go.
She has always faced life head on.
Not surprisingly, she’s handling this the same.
The reality of her decline is setting in.
“This week has been
one bad day.”
Over the course of these past five months, Sonny has improved to where he is able to walk around without any devices and manage his own needs. Mona had been doing well for all of this time as well. Between the two of them, they easily managed most of their needs. Mona and Sonny have four adult children; although only two live nearby. Their daughter, “Debra”, has moved in to take care of them. Debra works as a school teacher, but typically can be home by mid afternoon. The family has hired help as well so that Mona and Sonny are only alone a few hours each day.
The two of them had been managing quite well until this past week. Mona wanted to live until Sonny’s 90th birthday, which was five days ago. All of the family were able to attend the party which made quite a crowd. Mona spent most of the day in bed as she was not feeling well. Mona said that relatives would sit by her bedside throughout the day. She said it tired her out even more.
Mona would like to set another goal in the future to have something to look forward to, although spoke of how difficult this past week has been for her. She has never had the fear of dying, but still is not ready to go. With these new changes and decline, the reality of what is going on is starting to set in. Mona is getting tired, but not yet ready to let go. I only hope for her to be able to make it to her next goal.
ADDENDUM: Mona died peacefully 3 weeks later with her family at the bedside.
A WEEK
She had been in a slow decline,
but still able to easily get around.
Her goal was to enjoy his 90th birthday.
That day has now come and gone.
This week has been a rough one for her.
She’s nauseas and doesn’t want to eat.
She is weak more often now.
She’s spending more time in bed.
She wants to look forward to an outing,
but those days are becoming less and less.
Things are changing so quickly now.
Her quality of life is fading fast.
She has no fear of dying,
but isn’t ready for it to come.
She has always been such a social person.
She’s isn’t ready to let go.
She has always faced life head on.
Not surprisingly, she’s handling this the same.
The reality of her decline is setting in.
“This week has been
one bad day.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)