ALL ALONE

Ninety-four year old “Judith” suffers from end stage cardiac disease and dementia. She has been confused for many years and has been living in a locked memory center for the past seven years. Judith is widowed and has no children. Her husband died eighteen years ago. Her only family are several nieces and nephews.

One niece, “Sheila”, is her conservator and manages all of Judith’s affairs. Sheila never visits Judith and prefers to handle everything over the telephone or e-mail. When admitting patients to hospice, there are several pages of paperwork that need a signature. Judith asked that hospice fax the paperwork to her for completion.

I went out to visit Judith at the Memory Care Unit. The unit it small as there are only ten residents. There is a dining room and a sitting room for activities. Each resident has their own room. I found Judith in the sitting room listening to a musician entertaining the residents.

The attendant told Judith she had a visitor and wheeled her to her room. Judith didn’t seem to mind being interrupted. Judith is very forgetful, but was very forthcoming when asked about her earlier life. I was not sure how much was accurate, but Judith was willing to share a lot. At the end of my visit, I asked her if she wanted to go back to listen to the musician. Without much emotion, Judith answered yes.

It made me sad to learn that Judith never had any visitors. Her family never comes and Judith really is all alone. Her affairs are handled as a sense of duty only. The staff are very kind and gentle with her and the other residents, but there is turnover and often there are new faces helping out.

The one advantage of Judith’s dementia, is that she is not aware that she has no visitors. She didn’t appear happy or particularly sad. With her flat affect, it is hard to really know how much she understands. I only hope she knows that she is in good hands and that the staff at the Memory Care Unit do care about their residents.

ALL ALONE

　
Her eyes have that far away look
of acceptance without being aware.
She doesn’t seem necessarily happy,
nor particularly distressed about much of anything.

She goes along as they guide her.
She doesn’t resist at all.
All her needs are taken care of,
but so much she just does not know.

She’s lived there over seven years,
with nine others needing help like her.
Doors are locked to keep them safe.
They would never make it alone on their own.

Her only family are nieces and nephews,
but they never come around.
One niece handles all her decisions,
by e-mail, texting or the telephone.

She doesn’t grasp that family never visits.
She knows the staff, but they come and go.
Confusion may have some advantage,
as there is no awareness ever of being
         all alone.