LOSSES

Eighty-six year old “David” suffers from dementia. Two months ago, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. The tumor was quite large, but the doctor wanted to try radiation in an attempt to stop the growth. The treatment was ineffective and the tumor continues to grow.

David lives with “Mary”, his wife of fifty-eight years. Mary is eighty years old and the primary caretaker for David. She is in good health, but caring for her husband has taken a toll and she is getting worn out. David gets her up several times during the night to go to the bathroom. As a result, neither are getting good sleep.

I went out to meet with David and Mary today for the first time. Mary talked about all of her losses. Mary shared that they had four children. One son died of AIDS at the age of twenty-seven. Their eldest daughter died two years ago from lung cancer. They have two other daughters living on the East Coast. Mary’s remaining sibling, a brother, died three months ago. Currently, Mary’s niece and cousin are both on chemotherapy for cancer. Mary’s tears started to flow when talking about her family.

Mary has two close girlfriends from whom she gets tremendous support. Mary also belongs to a women’s club which gets her out of the house. In addition, she gets the needed support from friends there as well. With all of the losses that she has experienced, her support network of friends is what keeps her going.

Mary appreciates all that she has. Instead of looking at what she has lost, she focuses on what she has. I filled out some long term care insurance paperwork for her and she was so thankful. Mary spent a large part of our visit talking about her losses and wiping tears. She was such a delight to be with. My role as her social worker was so easy as she was so receptive to anything that I offered.

At the end of my visit, Mary walked me out to my car as I had a resource I wanted to give to her. As I gave her the booklet, she thanked me for all that I had done for her. For me, it was so easy to help her; but for her it was huge. She is a perfect example of why I do what I do. I feel like I gave her a penny and she gave me a million dollars. My job is not work, it is an amazing blessing.


LOSSES
　

The first thing you notice is her genuine smile;
as she welcomes you at her front door.
She’ll graciously offer you a cup of coffee,
wanting you comfortable in her modest home.

She’ll talk about his cancer.
How the tumor continues to grow.
His confusion from the dementia.
How she is starting to get worn down.

She told me about all of her losses;
two children, her siblings, a niece.
Some years ago; most recent.
Then her tears would start to flow.

One would understand if she were angry,
as somehow it doesn’t seem quite fair.
But she easily counts all of her blessings,
appreciating all that she has.

She was a joy to be with; an honor for me,
but simple things are often profound.
I knew my visit was huge for her
because as we parted, she quietly said
         “You put a bright light into my day.”