Eighty-six year old “David” suffers from dementia. Two months ago, he was diagnosed with brain cancer. The tumor was quite large, but the doctor wanted to try radiation in an attempt to stop the growth. The treatment was ineffective and the tumor continues to grow.
David lives with “Mary”, his wife of fifty-eight years. Mary is eighty years old and the primary caretaker for David. She is in good health, but caring for her husband has taken a toll and she is getting worn out. David gets her up several times during the night to go to the bathroom. As a result, neither are getting good sleep.
I went out to meet with David and Mary today for the first time. Mary talked about all of her losses. Mary shared that they had four children. One son died of AIDS at the age of twenty-seven. Their eldest daughter died two years ago from lung cancer. They have two other daughters living on the East Coast. Mary’s remaining sibling, a brother, died three months ago. Currently, Mary’s niece and cousin are both on chemotherapy for cancer. Mary’s tears started to flow when talking about her family.
Mary has two close girlfriends from whom she gets tremendous support. Mary also belongs to a women’s club which gets her out of the house. In addition, she gets the needed support from friends there as well. With all of the losses that she has experienced, her support network of friends is what keeps her going.
Mary appreciates all that she has. Instead of looking at what she has lost, she focuses on what she has. I filled out some long term care insurance paperwork for her and she was so thankful. Mary spent a large part of our visit talking about her losses and wiping tears. She was such a delight to be with. My role as her social worker was so easy as she was so receptive to anything that I offered.
At the end of my visit, Mary walked me out to my car as I had a resource I wanted to give to her. As I gave her the booklet, she thanked me for all that I had done for her. For me, it was so easy to help her; but for her it was huge. She is a perfect example of why I do what I do. I feel like I gave her a penny and she gave me a million dollars. My job is not work, it is an amazing blessing.
LOSSES
The first thing you notice is her genuine smile;
as she welcomes you at her front door.
She’ll graciously offer you a cup of coffee,
wanting you comfortable in her modest home.
She’ll talk about his cancer.
How the tumor continues to grow.
His confusion from the dementia.
How she is starting to get worn down.
She told me about all of her losses;
two children, her siblings, a niece.
Some years ago; most recent.
Then her tears would start to flow.
One would understand if she were angry,
as somehow it doesn’t seem quite fair.
But she easily counts all of her blessings,
appreciating all that she has.
She was a joy to be with; an honor for me,
but simple things are often profound.
I knew my visit was huge for her
because as we parted, she quietly said
“You put a bright light into my day.”
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
TRIBUTE
“Katherine’s” mother died a few months ago from lung cancer. Katherine lives in Switzerland and flew over a year ago to help care for her mom. Katherine’s husband has visited several times to spend time with Katherine and her mom.
Katherine is now going through paperwork and cleaning out her mother’s home. Katherine is from a small family and the burden of such a huge task is all on her shoulders. She is taking it slowly and in stride. She plans on returning home next week.
Katherine called up the hospice nurse and asked to meet with both of us. She wanted to see us one last time before she left to return home. Katherine is a classical singer and has a lucrative career in Switzerland. Catherine has recorded several CD’s. In addition, she sings in a local Swiss playhouse.
Katherine shared that she wrote a song about her grieving process. She wanted the hospice nurse and I to hear it as she said we both would understand. Neither of us had heard her sing or play the piano before. She sat down at the piano and sang so beautifully. One could tell she was singing from the depths of her soul. All three of us had tears in our eyes.
Katherine was paying tribute to her mom in the only way she knew. The nurse and I have asked for a copy when she records it. It is a song that needs to be heard. An amazing tribute to her amazing mom from an amazing daughter.
TRIBUTE
She came from across the ocean.
Not sure how long she would be.
Mom was weak and needed help.
She knew she wouldn’t return right away.
Days turned into weeks; then months.
The two of them grew close.
Lots of time to share intimate thoughts.
Blessed moments she’ll never forget.
Now it is time to pack up the boxes.
Time to empty out the drawers.
She is donating clothes and furniture.
Getting ready to return home.
She is a classical singer by trade.
Singing is how she expresses her heart.
She wrote a song about her grief.
Knowing we’d understand, she wanted us to hear.
She sang from the depths of her soul.
I know her mom was listening nearby.
We all had tears in moistened eyes;
feeling the pain of her huge loss.
She sang about emptying the house;
cleaning out files; giving things away.
Symbolic images of letting go;
all beautifully composed in a magnificent song.
A musical tribute
to a special mom.
Katherine is now going through paperwork and cleaning out her mother’s home. Katherine is from a small family and the burden of such a huge task is all on her shoulders. She is taking it slowly and in stride. She plans on returning home next week.
Katherine called up the hospice nurse and asked to meet with both of us. She wanted to see us one last time before she left to return home. Katherine is a classical singer and has a lucrative career in Switzerland. Catherine has recorded several CD’s. In addition, she sings in a local Swiss playhouse.
Katherine shared that she wrote a song about her grieving process. She wanted the hospice nurse and I to hear it as she said we both would understand. Neither of us had heard her sing or play the piano before. She sat down at the piano and sang so beautifully. One could tell she was singing from the depths of her soul. All three of us had tears in our eyes.
Katherine was paying tribute to her mom in the only way she knew. The nurse and I have asked for a copy when she records it. It is a song that needs to be heard. An amazing tribute to her amazing mom from an amazing daughter.
TRIBUTE
She came from across the ocean.
Not sure how long she would be.
Mom was weak and needed help.
She knew she wouldn’t return right away.
Days turned into weeks; then months.
The two of them grew close.
Lots of time to share intimate thoughts.
Blessed moments she’ll never forget.
Now it is time to pack up the boxes.
Time to empty out the drawers.
She is donating clothes and furniture.
Getting ready to return home.
She is a classical singer by trade.
Singing is how she expresses her heart.
She wrote a song about her grief.
Knowing we’d understand, she wanted us to hear.
She sang from the depths of her soul.
I know her mom was listening nearby.
We all had tears in moistened eyes;
feeling the pain of her huge loss.
She sang about emptying the house;
cleaning out files; giving things away.
Symbolic images of letting go;
all beautifully composed in a magnificent song.
A musical tribute
to a special mom.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
FULL LIFE
Ninety-nine year old “Elaine” suffers from dementia, although alert and aware. She is very hard of hearing and struggles with conversations around her, although knows her family and has an understanding of her health decline in these recent weeks. Elaine is able to walk slowly, with assistance, using a front-wheel walker. She needs help with all of her activities of daily living.
Elaine is widowed and lives in an Assisted Living Environment. Her husband died eight years ago at the age of ninety-two. Elaine has five adult children of which four live locally. All of her children are supportive to her and each other.
I met Elaine for the first time today. She has beautiful skin and does not look her age at all. She is a smart dresser and looks classy. If I was told she was seventy-five, I would have easily believed it. Her children shared that mom was a very strong, independent soul. Lately though, her children have taken over many responsibilities for mom’s care. Thoughtfully, the children often include mom with decisions that need to be made.
Elaine’s children spoke of mom’s dry sense of humor and how she would laugh so easily. The family teased each other while sharing many family stories. My heart felt sad for Elaine as she couldn’t keep up with the conversation or the laughter. Her face would have a puzzled look at times. One knows that she misses those times when she would be able to participate in the humor.
Elaine has suffered many losses in her ninety-nine years. Now with her recent health decline and dependence, the losses are huge for her. We all have heard someone say, “I want to live to be 100.” It is a huge milestone for anyone to reach that age. Unfortunately, it is typically matched with poor health. I heard someone share one time, “I want to die the day before I become dependent.” That sounds like a great plan to me.
FULL LIFE
She is one tough lady
who has lived a full life.
She is nearly one hundred years old,
but looks and acts so much younger.
She took a fall a few weeks ago.
That is when everything changed.
Thankfully no broken bones,
but she is weaker and getting confused.
She needs help throughout her day.
She can’t do anything on her own now.
She graciously accepts what is,
but one still sees that strength inside.
They say she was an independent soul.
She was determined and strong willed.
She raised her children well,
as all are devoted and by her side.
Life is full when one can participate.
Life is full with quality in each day.
She’s lost so much these past few weeks.
Her life has dramatically changed.
I asked her what is the secret
for living such a long and fulfilling life?
One knows she feels it is full enough
when she softly responds,
“I just want this to be over.”
Elaine is widowed and lives in an Assisted Living Environment. Her husband died eight years ago at the age of ninety-two. Elaine has five adult children of which four live locally. All of her children are supportive to her and each other.
I met Elaine for the first time today. She has beautiful skin and does not look her age at all. She is a smart dresser and looks classy. If I was told she was seventy-five, I would have easily believed it. Her children shared that mom was a very strong, independent soul. Lately though, her children have taken over many responsibilities for mom’s care. Thoughtfully, the children often include mom with decisions that need to be made.
Elaine’s children spoke of mom’s dry sense of humor and how she would laugh so easily. The family teased each other while sharing many family stories. My heart felt sad for Elaine as she couldn’t keep up with the conversation or the laughter. Her face would have a puzzled look at times. One knows that she misses those times when she would be able to participate in the humor.
Elaine has suffered many losses in her ninety-nine years. Now with her recent health decline and dependence, the losses are huge for her. We all have heard someone say, “I want to live to be 100.” It is a huge milestone for anyone to reach that age. Unfortunately, it is typically matched with poor health. I heard someone share one time, “I want to die the day before I become dependent.” That sounds like a great plan to me.
FULL LIFE
She is one tough lady
who has lived a full life.
She is nearly one hundred years old,
but looks and acts so much younger.
She took a fall a few weeks ago.
That is when everything changed.
Thankfully no broken bones,
but she is weaker and getting confused.
She needs help throughout her day.
She can’t do anything on her own now.
She graciously accepts what is,
but one still sees that strength inside.
They say she was an independent soul.
She was determined and strong willed.
She raised her children well,
as all are devoted and by her side.
Life is full when one can participate.
Life is full with quality in each day.
She’s lost so much these past few weeks.
Her life has dramatically changed.
I asked her what is the secret
for living such a long and fulfilling life?
One knows she feels it is full enough
when she softly responds,
“I just want this to be over.”
Saturday, March 8, 2014
THE GOLFER
Eighty-nine year old “Grace”, suffers from end-stage kidney disease. When Grace was eighty, she had a kidney transplant, which, unfortunately is no longer working. Prior to her transplant, she had been on dialysis for years. This time, Grace chose not to go on dialysis
Grace has been declining since that decision two weeks ago. I went out to see her today and found her questioning why she is still here. She is ready to go as is bedridden and totally dependent with all of her needs. She is no longer eating as it makes her nauseas.
Grace was feeling depressed as she missed being on the go. She had been extremely active her entire life. She started talking about her life and her love of golf. The conversation was a pleasant distraction for her. She started remembering good times in her life. She started to laugh and giggle when sharing her golf stories.
Four mornings a week, when in her seventies, Grace would get up before dawn to play a round of golf with her girlfriends. After golfing, the four of them would go out to lunch. After lunch, Grace would then head to dialysis on three of those days.
I love Grace’s spunk and the energy she had for life. I told her she was my hero. Grace’s zest for life was fantastic. Being so dependent is a huge loss for her. Grace’s grief is real and so appropriate. I hope she has more moments of life review to put some needed cheer in her final days It was wonderful that Grace was able to share some of that joy with me today.
THE GOLFER
At eighty-nine, her body is wearing out.
Her kidneys are no longer working.
She is getting weaker by the day.
She questions why she is still here.
She started talking about her life.
How she played golf four days a week.
She so loved being outdoors.
Surely what she misses the most.
She was an avid golfer.
It was her favorite pastime.
When headed to the nearest green,
joyfulness was added to her day.
Up at the crack of dawn before the sunrise.
Being with her girlfriends; then out to lunch.
Her face lit up when telling her story;
along with a chuckle, deep, down inside.
She spoke about her hole-in-one.
To her surprise it was in the cup.
She started to giggle when she shared,
“That was the first time I said shit”.
Grace has been declining since that decision two weeks ago. I went out to see her today and found her questioning why she is still here. She is ready to go as is bedridden and totally dependent with all of her needs. She is no longer eating as it makes her nauseas.
Grace was feeling depressed as she missed being on the go. She had been extremely active her entire life. She started talking about her life and her love of golf. The conversation was a pleasant distraction for her. She started remembering good times in her life. She started to laugh and giggle when sharing her golf stories.
Four mornings a week, when in her seventies, Grace would get up before dawn to play a round of golf with her girlfriends. After golfing, the four of them would go out to lunch. After lunch, Grace would then head to dialysis on three of those days.
I love Grace’s spunk and the energy she had for life. I told her she was my hero. Grace’s zest for life was fantastic. Being so dependent is a huge loss for her. Grace’s grief is real and so appropriate. I hope she has more moments of life review to put some needed cheer in her final days It was wonderful that Grace was able to share some of that joy with me today.
THE GOLFER
At eighty-nine, her body is wearing out.
Her kidneys are no longer working.
She is getting weaker by the day.
She questions why she is still here.
She started talking about her life.
How she played golf four days a week.
She so loved being outdoors.
Surely what she misses the most.
She was an avid golfer.
It was her favorite pastime.
When headed to the nearest green,
joyfulness was added to her day.
Up at the crack of dawn before the sunrise.
Being with her girlfriends; then out to lunch.
Her face lit up when telling her story;
along with a chuckle, deep, down inside.
She spoke about her hole-in-one.
To her surprise it was in the cup.
She started to giggle when she shared,
“That was the first time I said shit”.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
I AM NEVER ALONE
Seventy-seven year old, “Randall” suffers from gastric cancer. He is confused due to dementia. He has declined recently to where he is bedridden, eating very little and dependent with all of his needs. Randall is widowed and lives with his adult son, “Ted”. Ted is currently unemployed and is available to care for his father. “John”, a friend of Ted’s, has come to help out and plans on staying for a few weeks.
Randall has many bed sores and his care is a challenge for anyone. Randall’s primary need is his wound care. The hospice nurse visits frequently to attend to those wounds. Ted is overwhelmed and struggles in caring for his father. Ted spoke with our hospice nurse yesterday and decided it was time for his father to move to a skilled nursing facility for wound care.
As Ted was not available when I called, I spoke with John yesterday regarding placement and gave him a lot of information to share with Ted. The hospice nurse was making a visit this morning. I tagged along as I had not heard back from Ted. I thought it would be a good time to meet Ted in person to speak with him about nursing home placement, finances and the process.
When the nurse and I arrived at the home, we knocked on the door and window with no answer. We tried calling the house number and could hear the phone ring from inside, but, again, no answer. We had concerns about Randall as he was not safe to be alone. By coincidence, Randall’s granddaughter happened to be visiting someone next door and saw the two of us outside her grandfather’s home. She gave us a lot of background information that verified what we had been thinking about as our next step. We called the police department for assistance with a welfare check. When the police came, they helped the granddaughter climb through an unlocked window. We found Randall sleeping inside. John had fallen into a deep sleep in the back bedroom. He said that he had been up for over twenty-four hours caring for Randall.. John thought Ted was watching Randall and wasn’t aware that Ted wasn’t home.
Things worked out well as Randall was sent to the Emergency Room for assessment of his wounds. From there, he will be able to transfer to a Skilled Nursing Facility for the care he needs. Family often do better as sons and daughters than caregivers. It is always best for all when that happens.
This is just another reminder, that reaffirms to me, that I am never alone. I trust and know that when coincidences happen, the outcome will be perfect. It was by chance that Randall’s granddaughter just happened to be outside visiting her mother-in-law next door. This story is just another example at how amazing our higher power can be. How blessed I am to play a part
I AM NEVER ALONE
It occurred again today.
She just happened to be nearby.
She saw us standing at his front door.
No response from inside.
We were concerned that he was alone.
He is bedridden, confused and dependent.
She was able to give us a lot of background.
Facts that enabled us to help him quickly.
Coincidences happen often in this job.
Perfect words just popping into my head.
Running late, but getting there at the perfect time;
randomly calling someone, who needed help now.
There is a higher power continually by my side.
Directing me to where I need to go;
instructing me in what I need to say.
Perfection in the words and in the timing.
I am guided from up above.
I believe and follow my heart.
I trust and just flow with it.
Thank God,
when I do
this blessed work,
I am never alone.
Randall has many bed sores and his care is a challenge for anyone. Randall’s primary need is his wound care. The hospice nurse visits frequently to attend to those wounds. Ted is overwhelmed and struggles in caring for his father. Ted spoke with our hospice nurse yesterday and decided it was time for his father to move to a skilled nursing facility for wound care.
As Ted was not available when I called, I spoke with John yesterday regarding placement and gave him a lot of information to share with Ted. The hospice nurse was making a visit this morning. I tagged along as I had not heard back from Ted. I thought it would be a good time to meet Ted in person to speak with him about nursing home placement, finances and the process.
When the nurse and I arrived at the home, we knocked on the door and window with no answer. We tried calling the house number and could hear the phone ring from inside, but, again, no answer. We had concerns about Randall as he was not safe to be alone. By coincidence, Randall’s granddaughter happened to be visiting someone next door and saw the two of us outside her grandfather’s home. She gave us a lot of background information that verified what we had been thinking about as our next step. We called the police department for assistance with a welfare check. When the police came, they helped the granddaughter climb through an unlocked window. We found Randall sleeping inside. John had fallen into a deep sleep in the back bedroom. He said that he had been up for over twenty-four hours caring for Randall.. John thought Ted was watching Randall and wasn’t aware that Ted wasn’t home.
Things worked out well as Randall was sent to the Emergency Room for assessment of his wounds. From there, he will be able to transfer to a Skilled Nursing Facility for the care he needs. Family often do better as sons and daughters than caregivers. It is always best for all when that happens.
This is just another reminder, that reaffirms to me, that I am never alone. I trust and know that when coincidences happen, the outcome will be perfect. It was by chance that Randall’s granddaughter just happened to be outside visiting her mother-in-law next door. This story is just another example at how amazing our higher power can be. How blessed I am to play a part
I AM NEVER ALONE
It occurred again today.
She just happened to be nearby.
She saw us standing at his front door.
No response from inside.
We were concerned that he was alone.
He is bedridden, confused and dependent.
She was able to give us a lot of background.
Facts that enabled us to help him quickly.
Coincidences happen often in this job.
Perfect words just popping into my head.
Running late, but getting there at the perfect time;
randomly calling someone, who needed help now.
There is a higher power continually by my side.
Directing me to where I need to go;
instructing me in what I need to say.
Perfection in the words and in the timing.
I am guided from up above.
I believe and follow my heart.
I trust and just flow with it.
Thank God,
when I do
this blessed work,
I am never alone.
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