NORMAL

I went back to work a week ago after being off for three months. The first two months I was recovering from a ruptured appendix. Recovery was slow, but steady. The last month I was blessed to be able to go on a safari in Africa; a trip we had planned over a year ago.

A month into my recovery, I started yearning to get back to normal. I wanted my routine back so I would know I was okay. I went back to work a week ago and my commute was fantastic. Tailgaters and speeders, which often can annoy me, were a wonderful sight to see. It was familiar territory and I loved it.

The first day at work was slow for me as I was trying to get organized. I made a few phone calls to patients and knew I was back to where I needed to be. On day two, I started doing visits again. Being with patients and families was different than before. I had a deeper understanding of how things were for them. Having an out-of-body experience myself, three months ago, was life-changing for me. My patients know that they are nearing that moment on a more permanent basis.

I didn’t expect my experiences with my patients and families to change. It is a subtle change with them, but profound for me. I understand on a deeper level. I have several patients who are near death, and it is those folks with whom I notice the biggest change. There is a non-verbal communication between us that we both understand. Deep inside my heart, I know that they know.

I attended a social work meeting yesterday with eight of my peers. I was so excited to see everyone, but then again, it seemed different. After the meeting, I had an “aha” moment and understood what was different. I have gone through something others can’t quite understand. Maybe because I can’t quite understand either. I just know I am blessed to have had that experience. It has made me a different person. Hopefully a better person too.


NORMAL

　

After all these weeks,
I couldn’t wait to get back to familiarity.
Back to work in my old routine;
back to the magnificence of my normal.

Normal is what we know.
Normal gives us comfort.
These past few months have been remarkable,
but I missed my life and wanted it back.

Driving to work that first day was amazing.
The pot hole was still there at mile thirty.
A few tailgaters, some speeders.
It was great to be back to normal.

But then, somehow it is a bit different.
More clarity when speaking to patients.
A deeper understanding of what they said.
A stronger instinct in knowing how they feel.

I have been where they are going.
I got a glimpse of the other side.
A stronger bond between us.
Somehow we both know.

The change is subtle, but profound.
A delicate shift in my universe.
But then I realized that through it all,
what has changed the most
       is me.