F**K

Sixty-eight year old “Judy” suffered from lung cancer. Judy’s daughter, “Kim” moved in to help her mother out. Judy was a very independent soul and was used to being on her own. Fortunately, she was realistic regarding her slow decline and increasing needs.

As Judy slowly declined, she accepted her daughter into her home to help care for her. Judy was on continuous oxygen and used a walker to get around. Kim lived in Europe and had her own health issues, although totally capable and able to care for her mother. Kim gave up her life in Europe with her husband and stayed with mom for months.

There was always a lot of drama and chaos in the home. If something was going to go wrong, it would always go wrong. Each incident would bring out high energy. It also would bring out lots of laughter and humor. The hospice nurse and I had a difficult time keeping our professional boundaries with these two as they would always crack us up. We started to call them “The Kim and Judy Show.” They got a big kick out of that.

Judy had been paying for long term care insurance for years through her employer. Judy and Kim were both very detailed and organized with paperwork. When Judy decided to start using an attendant through the agency, they completed the proper paperwork.

I made a visit one day and found Kim sitting on the couch so angry with the agency. Every other work was f**k. I questioned her about what was going on and offered to call the agency myself to clarify things. I spoke with the agency for about a half an hour and understood what paperwork was needed. The agency was very particular regarding documenting exactly what the attendant did during their visit.

Things all worked out to everyone’s delight. Judy died about a month later. There are some patients I will never forget. When I think of Judy and Kim, I always have a smile. Likely I always will.


F**K

　
I am going to miss those two.
Ongoing drama and high energy.
They would pull you in so easily,
then they would make you laugh.

Nothing ever seemed easy with them.
Nothing just flowed calmly along.
They would get frustrated and angry.
Next thing though, both would start to laugh.

Mom had long term care insurance.
She made premiums for years.
Now they won’t reimburse her
for the hours that she already paid.

I walked in and found her swearing.
Every other word was f**k.
She was frustrated and angry.
Relieved when I offered to help.

After a thirty minute phone call,
I found out what they needed to do.
I would help them with the paperwork.
Things were starting to get resolved.

After I hung up the phone,
she looked at me so seriously.
Quietly she said, “I was really impressed.
You didn’t say f**k once”.