THE PATIENT

On October 30, 2013, after several days of stomach pain and weakness, my husband called for an ambulance and I was taken to the Emergency Room where my blood pressure was 80/50. After eleven bags of fluid, my pressure continued to stay low. Due to fluid overload, my lungs started to fill with water and I had trouble breathing.

It was then I had my first thought that I could die if my blood pressure wasn’t corrected. I was so weak, this thought had no emotion. It didn’t seem real. My surgeon said my appendix had ruptured and I was septic with an infection throughout my stomach cavity. He said I would be on life supports in the ICU with a likely hospitalization from two to three weeks.

It was about this time that I felt my body leaving. I saw my spirit floating around me. Suddenly, I was near a stucco fence that I knew was heaven. Again, with no emotion, I said, “It is not my time. I am not ready. I am going back.” I also had a sense that I was thirty years too early. Again this was an unemotional moment. The feeling felt so natural.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the ICU on life supports. Fortunately, I was off the life supports within twenty-four hours. The ICU doctor and my surgeon both assured me that ,”You are now in recovery”. I spent a total of 19 days in the hospital. I had no energy and was so helpless. My intestines were not working and I had a partial bowel obstruction. Because of that, I could not eat or drink anything for two weeks. My nutrition came in the form of IV bags.

What kept me going was the love and support I have in my life. I have always felt blessed by having so many in my life that I care about and so many that care about me. This is what it is all about. In addition, the hospital staff were so caring and loving toward me and my needs.

My recovery is slow as I have limited endurance, but every day I am getting better and doing a little bit more. Another blessing is that I will have no after effects from this experience. My surgeon said I will be as good as new. I look forward to having normal back, but know that my normal now will involve feelings of being blessed by good health and being able to do those “normal” things that we all, at times, take for granted. 
 
This has been a difficult time, yes, but overall, there have been so many amazing, priceless moments. I have learned so much by having this experience. With difficult times, I realize, that if one has a good support system, one will get through. The difficulty will pass, but the support will always remain. As one friend said to me, “This is a tough situation, but you are tougher.”



THE PATIENT

She had never been through anything like this before.
It seemed so sudden and came on strong.
No energy to process what was happening.
She didn’t realize how sick she really was.

Emergency room, surgery, ICU, life supports.
Dependent upon all who came along.
Being so helpless was somehow humbling.
Surprised by all who were there.

She felt her spirit leaving.
She was up near heaven’s wall.
She knew it wasn’t her time today.
“I’m not ready; I’m going back.”

She knows now why nurses are called angels.
Not by seeing any wings or halos,
but the love she felt from their hearts
was confirmation for it all to be so.

A humbling, awe-inspiring experience.
Feeling blessed by all the support.
I know all of this to be true,
as for the first time,
this particular patient
          was me.