REGRETS

Sixty-two year old “Jackie” suffers from lung cancer. Jackie had been living alone in her trailer, abusing cocaine. About two weeks ago, Jackie went to the Emergency Room for help. The hospital knew she could no longer live alone and, after a short hospital stay, she was transferred to a Skilled Nursing Facility for care.

Jackie was referred to hospice because of her declining health. She has been in the facility for eleven days, and for eleven days she has been clean and sober. I met with Jackie, her two daughters, “Grace” and “Victoria” and her nineteen year old granddaughter, “Allison.” Even though both of Jackie‘s daughters live nearby, Jackie had not seen Allison for years.

When I met with Jackie and her family today at the nursing home, it was obvious that Jackie’s two daughters loved her. They would hug her and caress her with loving words. Jackie was very open and honest with her emotions. She has so many regrets in her life. Even though Jackie believes in a forgiving God, she fears God may not forgive her.

Jackie and I spoke at length about her regrets and angst. I told her that each of us have regrets over our past. One has to experience hate to know what love is; illness to know about health; turmoil to know about peace etc. Her past has made her who she is today. With the drugs out of her system, I have a feeling her daughters are seeing the mom they know from the past.

Right now Jackie has to come to terms, in her own way, about her life choices. She is worthy of change and deserves any chance that comes her way. Jackie only has to reach out. I wish only the best for her and her painful journey. I will do whatever I can do, to give her the support she so deserves in order to help her on her way.

REGRETS
　

She has so many regrets,
she doesn’t know where to start.
Neglecting her family for years
as crack/cocaine always came first.

She’s been in a facility for eleven days.
No longer able to live at home.
She’s been clean and sober since then,
facing her demons for the very first time.

She believes in an unconditional loving God,
but fears her past may not be forgivable.
She speaks openly about her angst.
Her awareness so painful; her remorse genuine.

Her daughters listen intently.
It is obvious they love her so.
They hug her; they console her.
You know she did some things right.

She will continue to process her emotions.
She will continue to mull over her regrets.
You and I know, God has forgiven her.
Let’s hope there is time
for her to forgive herself.

Regrets.