Seventy year old “Larry” was admitted to hospice after a one week diagnosis of lung cancer. Once the cancer was discovered, it had advanced to the point that there was no treatment for him. Larry took things in stride and accepted his fate without complaint or fears.
Larry and his wife, “Christine” were retired from the medical field and both had a good understanding of Larry’s diagnosis. Larry and Christine were married sixteen years. Christine had been divorced and had raised her three children alone. Christine’s children loved Larry as they all knew how happy he made their mother.
Larry struggled with speaking as for over eighteen months he had constant hiccups. The doctors tried so many treatments; all without success. When Larry spoke, he was direct and to the point. Larry’s biggest worry was how Christine would manage after he was gone. Each night the two of them would talk about tasks that he wanted to make sure she knew how to do. For example; the backyard sprinkler system or how to get the cars serviced etc.
Christine would constantly talk about how special Larry was to her. She would brag how he exposed her to museums, Native American Art, small town Americana. Many of their vacations were car trips all over the United States. She shared that Larry was, “The love of my life.” She was always telling him how much she loved him. One could feel the love between the two of them when you walked into their home.
Larry died suddenly yesterday after being on hospice for four months. Two days before Larry died, he turned to Christine and said, “I love you” for the first time. She was moved by his tender words, even though she never doubted she was loved by him. Her final words to Larry as he lay dying was, “I love you.” He weakly replied, “Me too.” And then he was gone. The last moment together so tender, so loving. It doesn’t get any better than that.
“I LOVE YOU”
They met later in life.
It was an instant connection.
After sixteen years together,
she knows how special he was.
She was demonstrative;
he, a practical man.
She would fuss all over him.
His priority was to take care of her.
She told him constantly, “I love you”.
His typical response always, “Me too.”
He showed his love by his actions;
she; by her tender words.
Two days before he died,
for the first time she heard,
“I love you,” coming from his lips.
Affectionate words from his gentle heart.
She sat by the bedside as he lay dying.
One final “I love you” to send him off.
His reply was what she has cherished all along;
what always made her heart flutter.
Two final words driven
by his deep love for her,
“Me too.”
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
REGRETS
Sixty-two year old “Jackie” suffers from lung cancer. Jackie had been living alone in her trailer, abusing cocaine. About two weeks ago, Jackie went to the Emergency Room for help. The hospital knew she could no longer live alone and, after a short hospital stay, she was transferred to a Skilled Nursing Facility for care.
Jackie was referred to hospice because of her declining health. She has been in the facility for eleven days, and for eleven days she has been clean and sober. I met with Jackie, her two daughters, “Grace” and “Victoria” and her nineteen year old granddaughter, “Allison.” Even though both of Jackie‘s daughters live nearby, Jackie had not seen Allison for years.
When I met with Jackie and her family today at the nursing home, it was obvious that Jackie’s two daughters loved her. They would hug her and caress her with loving words. Jackie was very open and honest with her emotions. She has so many regrets in her life. Even though Jackie believes in a forgiving God, she fears God may not forgive her.
Jackie and I spoke at length about her regrets and angst. I told her that each of us have regrets over our past. One has to experience hate to know what love is; illness to know about health; turmoil to know about peace etc. Her past has made her who she is today. With the drugs out of her system, I have a feeling her daughters are seeing the mom they know from the past.
Right now Jackie has to come to terms, in her own way, about her life choices. She is worthy of change and deserves any chance that comes her way. Jackie only has to reach out. I wish only the best for her and her painful journey. I will do whatever I can do, to give her the support she so deserves in order to help her on her way.
REGRETS
She has so many regrets,
she doesn’t know where to start.
Neglecting her family for years
as crack/cocaine always came first.
She’s been in a facility for eleven days.
No longer able to live at home.
She’s been clean and sober since then,
facing her demons for the very first time.
She believes in an unconditional loving God,
but fears her past may not be forgivable.
She speaks openly about her angst.
Her awareness so painful; her remorse genuine.
Her daughters listen intently.
It is obvious they love her so.
They hug her; they console her.
You know she did some things right.
She will continue to process her emotions.
She will continue to mull over her regrets.
You and I know, God has forgiven her.
Let’s hope there is time
for her to forgive herself.
Regrets.
Jackie was referred to hospice because of her declining health. She has been in the facility for eleven days, and for eleven days she has been clean and sober. I met with Jackie, her two daughters, “Grace” and “Victoria” and her nineteen year old granddaughter, “Allison.” Even though both of Jackie‘s daughters live nearby, Jackie had not seen Allison for years.
When I met with Jackie and her family today at the nursing home, it was obvious that Jackie’s two daughters loved her. They would hug her and caress her with loving words. Jackie was very open and honest with her emotions. She has so many regrets in her life. Even though Jackie believes in a forgiving God, she fears God may not forgive her.
Jackie and I spoke at length about her regrets and angst. I told her that each of us have regrets over our past. One has to experience hate to know what love is; illness to know about health; turmoil to know about peace etc. Her past has made her who she is today. With the drugs out of her system, I have a feeling her daughters are seeing the mom they know from the past.
Right now Jackie has to come to terms, in her own way, about her life choices. She is worthy of change and deserves any chance that comes her way. Jackie only has to reach out. I wish only the best for her and her painful journey. I will do whatever I can do, to give her the support she so deserves in order to help her on her way.
REGRETS
She has so many regrets,
she doesn’t know where to start.
Neglecting her family for years
as crack/cocaine always came first.
She’s been in a facility for eleven days.
No longer able to live at home.
She’s been clean and sober since then,
facing her demons for the very first time.
She believes in an unconditional loving God,
but fears her past may not be forgivable.
She speaks openly about her angst.
Her awareness so painful; her remorse genuine.
Her daughters listen intently.
It is obvious they love her so.
They hug her; they console her.
You know she did some things right.
She will continue to process her emotions.
She will continue to mull over her regrets.
You and I know, God has forgiven her.
Let’s hope there is time
for her to forgive herself.
Regrets.
Monday, June 17, 2013
A HAPPY HOME
“Sue”, sixty years old, suffers from cervical cancer that has spread to her bones. Sue was admitted to hospice as there is no more treatment available to help her. She had been doing quite well until recently. I first visited Sue two weeks ago when she was able to walk independently using a walker. Today, she is wheelchair bound and needs assistance in transferring to the hospital bed. Sue accepts her situation without fears or concerns.
Sue lives with her husband, “Steve”, their twenty year old son, “Albert”, Albert’s girlfriend, “Rhea” and their eight month old baby, “Allison”. This very tiny, one bedroom home is in complete disarray. There is very little space to walk around because of all their belongings. There are boxes, knick-knacks, books and baby paraphernalia piled high throughout the home.
During my visit today, I was able to meet Steve and Albert as they both were not available during my initial visit two weeks ago. Steve is a big teaser and no one is immune to his playful antics. Sue was sitting in her wheelchair, dozing on and off during my visit. Steve would tease Sue and everyone, including Sue, would laugh.
The baby started to fuss during my visit. Rhea said that the baby was due for a nap. She took him into the bedroom and before long, the baby was sound asleep. Several times Steve went into the bedroom to fetch some paperwork. Rhea said that Allison can sleep anywhere to which Albert added, “We all can sleep anywhere. We sleep right where we happen to be when we fall asleep.”
This family is amazing as to how they approach life. They have accepted their lifestyle, without complaint or excuses. They are a perfect example of what we all should strive for. Happiness is not what we have in our lives, but who we have in our lives. It takes a strong family, in any circumstances, to trust and have faith in each other. They are a perfect example of what is really important in life. Kudos to all of them.
A HAPPY HOME
Five people in a tiny, one bedroom house.
Not enough beds for all to sleep.
Belongings, furniture, knick-knacks,
all begging for more space.
The house could use some paint;
the lawn, a little weed killer.
Furniture stained and worn out,
but I would definitely call this
a happy home.
She’s been sick for a while
and had been doing quite well.
Recently though, she is in a decline;
weaker, sleeping more, no appetite.
The hospital bed looms large in the living room.
Less space now to move around.
No one seems bothered that the room has shrunk.
They, like usual, keep pressing on.
This family will giggle; this family will joke.
No one is spared any light-hearted tease.
Humor and laughter is what helps them through.
There isn’t a lot that can get them down.
I’m sure there is not much that this family desires.
They appreciate life and what they do have;
love, humor, loyalty, each other.
A perfect example of what we all strive for;
a happy home.
Sue lives with her husband, “Steve”, their twenty year old son, “Albert”, Albert’s girlfriend, “Rhea” and their eight month old baby, “Allison”. This very tiny, one bedroom home is in complete disarray. There is very little space to walk around because of all their belongings. There are boxes, knick-knacks, books and baby paraphernalia piled high throughout the home.
During my visit today, I was able to meet Steve and Albert as they both were not available during my initial visit two weeks ago. Steve is a big teaser and no one is immune to his playful antics. Sue was sitting in her wheelchair, dozing on and off during my visit. Steve would tease Sue and everyone, including Sue, would laugh.
The baby started to fuss during my visit. Rhea said that the baby was due for a nap. She took him into the bedroom and before long, the baby was sound asleep. Several times Steve went into the bedroom to fetch some paperwork. Rhea said that Allison can sleep anywhere to which Albert added, “We all can sleep anywhere. We sleep right where we happen to be when we fall asleep.”
This family is amazing as to how they approach life. They have accepted their lifestyle, without complaint or excuses. They are a perfect example of what we all should strive for. Happiness is not what we have in our lives, but who we have in our lives. It takes a strong family, in any circumstances, to trust and have faith in each other. They are a perfect example of what is really important in life. Kudos to all of them.
A HAPPY HOME
Five people in a tiny, one bedroom house.
Not enough beds for all to sleep.
Belongings, furniture, knick-knacks,
all begging for more space.
The house could use some paint;
the lawn, a little weed killer.
Furniture stained and worn out,
but I would definitely call this
a happy home.
She’s been sick for a while
and had been doing quite well.
Recently though, she is in a decline;
weaker, sleeping more, no appetite.
The hospital bed looms large in the living room.
Less space now to move around.
No one seems bothered that the room has shrunk.
They, like usual, keep pressing on.
This family will giggle; this family will joke.
No one is spared any light-hearted tease.
Humor and laughter is what helps them through.
There isn’t a lot that can get them down.
I’m sure there is not much that this family desires.
They appreciate life and what they do have;
love, humor, loyalty, each other.
A perfect example of what we all strive for;
a happy home.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
BEAUTIFUL SMILE
Ninety year old “Hank” has been on hospice for about two months. He came onto hospice as he suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease and has been in a sharp decline.
Hank is single and has never married. He has no family left to call his own. His long time next door neighbor, “George” manages his finances, while George’s daughter, “Anna” is responsible for any health care decisions. Hank has twenty-four hired caregivers in the home to assist him.
Five years ago, George noticed Hank out in his front yard looking emaciated and confused. George figured out that Hank hadn’t eaten much for a while as his refrigerator and kitchen cabinets were empty. It was then that George and Anna got involved. They are the only people that Hank can call “family”.
George says that Hank has always been a loner and never has had many visitors to his home. George added, Hank was an intellect and kept to himself. It surprises me as Hank is such a charmer with his engaging giggle and smile. Even though Hank is confused, he has insight to his dilemma. During my first visit two months ago, Hank shared with me and his hired caregiver, “I remember things a long time ago, but can’t remember what I ate for breakfast.” The hired caregiver sweetly told Hank, “If you ever want to know what you had for breakfast, you can just ask me.”
With each visit, I am greeted with Hanks’ beautiful smile. He laughs and giggles so easily. You just have to look at him and he will smile back. He is a cutie and, with each visit, I am captivated by his charm.
BEAUTIFUL SMILE
The first thing one notices
when you walk into his home,
is his big, beautiful smile
as he greets you by the door.
He is confused and forgetful,
but aware he doesn’t know.
He will giggle and laugh at himself
for not remembering much at all.
He said, “Nice to see you again”,
although had forgotten who I am.
I replied back, “Good cover up” ,
which made him giggle all the more.
I am surprised he’s never married
with no children to call his own.
With his charm, his personality,
you’d never guess he’d be alone.
They say he’s always been a loner.
Not many visitors at his door.
He was intellectual, he studied.
Activities better done on one’s own.
All that has changed since
hired help is in the home.
He’s smiles, he giggles.
He charms us off our toes.
Hank is single and has never married. He has no family left to call his own. His long time next door neighbor, “George” manages his finances, while George’s daughter, “Anna” is responsible for any health care decisions. Hank has twenty-four hired caregivers in the home to assist him.
Five years ago, George noticed Hank out in his front yard looking emaciated and confused. George figured out that Hank hadn’t eaten much for a while as his refrigerator and kitchen cabinets were empty. It was then that George and Anna got involved. They are the only people that Hank can call “family”.
George says that Hank has always been a loner and never has had many visitors to his home. George added, Hank was an intellect and kept to himself. It surprises me as Hank is such a charmer with his engaging giggle and smile. Even though Hank is confused, he has insight to his dilemma. During my first visit two months ago, Hank shared with me and his hired caregiver, “I remember things a long time ago, but can’t remember what I ate for breakfast.” The hired caregiver sweetly told Hank, “If you ever want to know what you had for breakfast, you can just ask me.”
With each visit, I am greeted with Hanks’ beautiful smile. He laughs and giggles so easily. You just have to look at him and he will smile back. He is a cutie and, with each visit, I am captivated by his charm.
BEAUTIFUL SMILE
The first thing one notices
when you walk into his home,
is his big, beautiful smile
as he greets you by the door.
He is confused and forgetful,
but aware he doesn’t know.
He will giggle and laugh at himself
for not remembering much at all.
He said, “Nice to see you again”,
although had forgotten who I am.
I replied back, “Good cover up” ,
which made him giggle all the more.
I am surprised he’s never married
with no children to call his own.
With his charm, his personality,
you’d never guess he’d be alone.
They say he’s always been a loner.
Not many visitors at his door.
He was intellectual, he studied.
Activities better done on one’s own.
All that has changed since
hired help is in the home.
He’s smiles, he giggles.
He charms us off our toes.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
ACCEPTANCE
Patty, my cousin by marriage, has been suffering from colon cancer for a year and a half. Eighteen months ago, the doctors sent her home to die. That wasn’t the way Patty wanted to do things and so chose to have chemotherapy. The side affects were crippling, but Patty continued on living each day with a smile.
One of the hardest things Patty had to do was step down from her job. Even though all of the family knew that she likely would never be able to go back to work, Patty held out hope that one day she would be able to do so. She has such a positive outlook on life. Even when the chips are down, she will continue to smile and accept life’s challenges.
Ten days ago, Patty was admitted to the hospital. She was so weak that we thought she would die within a few days. Patty rallied and was discharged home three days ago with hospice. Patty needs twenty-four hour care as is bedridden and on a liquid diet due to tumor growth.
A schedule has been set up for family members to be available to stay with Patty. I am off on Mondays and able to sit with Patty each week. I call myself “The Monday Gal” for Patty. It is so different then working with my own patients. This is personal and a whole different ball game. I share with families the power of just being there for someone. Even though I know that, one feels so helpless as I want to make things better for her.
Today Patty was talking about her spiritual beliefs. She has a strong belief in God and the afterlife. I asked her if she had any fears. She smiled and said none at all. She is amazing to me. This recent change has been dramatic and, through it all, she will laugh, smile and appreciate what she has. I am in awe of her. She is teaching me humility, acceptance and grace. I hope I learn well.
ACCEPTANCE
As long as I have known her,
she has always been quick to smile.
No matter what cards life has dealt her,
she will unconditionally accept her hand.
She will voluntarily give away her good cards;
all that one has to do, is ask.
She will move on with what cards are left
making the best of her hand that remains.
She got sick eighteen months ago.
She has fought with all that she has.
Smiling with full acceptance.
Obviously handling things her way.
She can no longer eat solid foods.
Everything has to be pureed.
She is bedridden and needs help.
I can’t imagine living this way.
She continues to smile and enjoy her days.
You will hear no complaints from her.
She’ll die the way she has always lived;
with full acceptance of what is to come.
One of the hardest things Patty had to do was step down from her job. Even though all of the family knew that she likely would never be able to go back to work, Patty held out hope that one day she would be able to do so. She has such a positive outlook on life. Even when the chips are down, she will continue to smile and accept life’s challenges.
Ten days ago, Patty was admitted to the hospital. She was so weak that we thought she would die within a few days. Patty rallied and was discharged home three days ago with hospice. Patty needs twenty-four hour care as is bedridden and on a liquid diet due to tumor growth.
A schedule has been set up for family members to be available to stay with Patty. I am off on Mondays and able to sit with Patty each week. I call myself “The Monday Gal” for Patty. It is so different then working with my own patients. This is personal and a whole different ball game. I share with families the power of just being there for someone. Even though I know that, one feels so helpless as I want to make things better for her.
Today Patty was talking about her spiritual beliefs. She has a strong belief in God and the afterlife. I asked her if she had any fears. She smiled and said none at all. She is amazing to me. This recent change has been dramatic and, through it all, she will laugh, smile and appreciate what she has. I am in awe of her. She is teaching me humility, acceptance and grace. I hope I learn well.
ACCEPTANCE
As long as I have known her,
she has always been quick to smile.
No matter what cards life has dealt her,
she will unconditionally accept her hand.
She will voluntarily give away her good cards;
all that one has to do, is ask.
She will move on with what cards are left
making the best of her hand that remains.
She got sick eighteen months ago.
She has fought with all that she has.
Smiling with full acceptance.
Obviously handling things her way.
She can no longer eat solid foods.
Everything has to be pureed.
She is bedridden and needs help.
I can’t imagine living this way.
She continues to smile and enjoy her days.
You will hear no complaints from her.
She’ll die the way she has always lived;
with full acceptance of what is to come.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)