SAYING GOODBYE

Sixty-nine year old, “Lani” has been on hospice for almost three months. Lani was diagnosed six months ago with pancreatic cancer. Lani lives with “Jim”, her husband of twenty-five years. Jim is a few years younger than Lani and still works. Jim has taken leave from his job to care for Lani.

When I first met the couple three months ago, one immediately saw the strong love and devotion they had for each other. They married late in life and have no children. The only family is Lani’s sister, who lives about five hours away. She has made several trips to help out and has been able to stay at least two weeks during each of her visits.

Lani has had a rapid decline these past few weeks. Jim is now off work full time to care for her. Fortunately, Lani had a Long Term Care Insurance Policy so that Jim has been able to hire full time attendant care. Lani has not had any fluids or food for over a week. Her time is close. She is in a deep sleep most of the time now.

Jim had asked Lani forgiveness for all that he has done wrong. Lani easily forgave Jim, but he needs to forgive himself. He is very hard on himself, but doesn’t see a fault in anyone else. He has such a huge heart for others.

Jim gets overwhelmed easily now and I am helping him out with his leave and disability paperwork. In addition, I am also helping with his Long Term Care Insurance. I am able to take some of that burden off his shoulders. With each visit, once the paperwork is done, Jim and I sit in the family room and have a good discussion. He is so insightful to what he is feeling and easily is able to process those emotions.

I validate a lot of Jim‘s grief. He questions and doubts himself so much. I am able to tell him that what he is feeling is normal. I also give him a lot of reassurance that he is caring for Lani so beautifully. He hears what I tell him and feels validated.

He shared today that he has said goodbye to Lani. He told her that when she is ready to let go, he will be okay. I also told Lani goodbye today. I always speak from my heart. I reassured Lani that I would visit Jim to make sure he is coping okay. I also shared that hospice has a huge bereavement department that follows up for a year.

Jim and Lani have a wonderful and supportive network of friends who reach out and give the needed support to this family. Because of that support, I know that, in time, Jim will be okay.


SAYING GOODBYE
　

His heart is breaking.
He knows her time is soon.
He doesn’t want her to suffer,
but it is so hard to say goodbye.

He told her that he would miss her.
He thanked her for all she has done for him.
He said he will be sad for quite a while,
but it is okay for her to go.

I visit often to give him support.
I see the love and pain in his eyes.
I reassure him that he is doing things perfect.
“Keep following your heart; you will be fine.”

I turned and promised her that I would make sure
that he would have the needed support.
He won’t be alone as so many do care.
I reassured her from the depths of my heart.

Her eyes were closed and she didn’t speak.
She appeared to be in a deep sleep.
I know she heard me as her response
was a single tear on the edge of one eye.

She too
       was saying,
                 Goodbye.