EXISTING

Seventy-five year old “Katherine” has suffered from dementia for thirteen years. For nine years, her husband, “Ron” cared for her at home. Four years ago, Ron moved her into an Assisted Living Community setting. Ron visits Katherine several times every week. Ron is very social with the staff and has a lot of humor to share.

Ron and Katherine have three adult children. Their daughter lives next door to Ron, while their eldest son lives only two blocks away. Another son, “Lyle” lives with Ron. Ron shared that something happened at Lyle’s birth that left him mentally challenged. Lyle attends an adult day care treatment center during the week.

Ron and I met in the lounge of Katherine’s facility. After talking for a while, we went to see Katherine in her room. We found her lying in bed in a fetal position with her right arm frozen next to her chest. I noticed her beautiful blue eyes tracking Ron and I. She had no expression or reaction when I softly spoke to her. Ron says she doesn’t know who he is any longer.

Ron is a retired Los Angeles policeman. He shared some of the horrific experiences he had during his career. He says it is those experiences that help him cope with life. He added that most things aren’t so bad when compared to what he saw on the streets of Los Angeles

Ron uses humor to cope. When I made the appointment with Ron, I gave a thirty minute window. I arrived twenty-five minutes in the allotted time and, in a serious face, Ron told me he was going to leave in five minutes. Not knowing him, I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not. He then burst out laughing knowing that he got me. From then on, I was able to tease him as well and we got along great.

Ron says it will be a blessing when she goes. He says he has grieved for years and feels there is no more to grieve; adding that she left him a long time ago. It makes me wonder what purpose it is for her to be here and just exist. I would like to think she may be teaching us tolerance or gratitude. Likely we will never know. I only pray that she is not suffering and is comfortable with how things are for her.

 
EXISTING
　

She lies there not moving.
Her left arm bent, frozen in place.
She will track you with her blue eyes,
but how much does she really see?

She hasn’t spoken for quite a while.
She eats very little and is losing weight.
Her decline is slow but downward.
She is existing from one day to another.

He says it will be a blessing when she goes.
It is not her lying there any longer.
She left him a long time ago.
He feels his grief has run its course.

She is no longer able to give.
Her spirit; her essence is gone.
A soft voice; a gentle touch;
so little can she receive.

Is she still here for a reason?
Likely, we will never know.
I would like to think she is teaching us;
cherish your loved ones; embrace your life.

She will continue to lie there.
She will continue to subsist.
Each day blending into the next.
          Existing.