DID SHE?

Fifty-one year old “Marcia” was diagnosed with stomach cancer two months ago. Her daughter, “Terry” had been after her mother to go to a doctor for weeks. Marcia had always been stubborn and refused to go. When it got to the point that Marcia had to stop during her workday to sit down a lot, she relented to her daughter and saw her doctor. It was then that she was diagnosed with the cancer. Her cancer had already spread to her liver and there was no treatment.

Marcia moved in with her daughter and son-in-law, “Jason”, two weeks ago when she knew she could no longer manage living alone. Terry and Jason both worked, but Terry planned on taking leave when her mother could no longer be left alone. Everyone thought it would be in a month or so, but Marcia’s decline came on rapidly.

Marcia came onto hospice ten days ago. I saw her last week and she was up and about, although eating very little and appeared frail. I did a return visit today and met Terry for the first time. Terry said that mom fell three days ago. It was then Terry put in for her leave and has been home helping her mom.

When I saw Marcia, I was amazed at the changes in her. She was confused, looking, but not really seeing. She was lying in the hospital bed trying to get comfortable. She had a difficult time following instructions and was slow to respond to any questions presented to her.

Terry and I spoke in the kitchen around the corner from where Marcia was resting. I spoke about the end of life process and what to expect. I shared that often patients won’t let go until they know their family is okay. I encouraged Terry to give her mom permission to go if she could. I added that it is okay if you can‘t, but your mom will always be your mom and she wants to make sure you are okay. She will let go at the perfect time for her. Terry started to cry and fell into my arms. We both stood in the kitchen hugging each other.

I called for a chaplain as the patient appeared to want a visit. The chaplain said she could come in one hour. Thirty minutes later, I left the home encouraging Terry to call hospice for anything she needs. Within the thirty minutes of me leaving and the chaplain arriving, Terry died.

I truly believe that patients do let go when the time is perfect for them and when they know their loved ones are going to be okay. Marcia may have wanted to depart with just her daughter present like it had been those first eighteen years of Terry’s life. She may also had known that the chaplain would be there shortly to give Terry the comfort she needed. I guess there are some things that have no clear answers.


DID SHE?

　
Did she hear us talking?
Did she even know that I was there?
Was she protecting her daughter?
Why did she pick that time to go?

So many unanswered questions.
Likely we will never know why.
Sick for only two short months.
A swift decline in a few days time.

She raised her daughter alone.
For years just the two of them.
Her brothers are nearby and loving.
Her son-in-law is as special as they come.

Seeing her today was such a change.
Up and about no problem last week.
Now bed bound, confused, not eating.
No longer able to swallow.

I prepared her daughter as best I could.
It might be minutes, hours or days.
Talked about her saying goodbye.
Follow your heart and the words will come.

I don’t know if she spoke with her mother.
I don’t know if she found the right words.
But moments after I left the home,
her mother chose to let go.

Did she know her daughter was alone?
Did she time it just for the two of them?
Some may say it was coincidental or chance.
But then,
          did she?