A LITTLE SAD

As a hospice social worker, I meet so many amazing and wonderful people. Every now and then, I connect with someone on a much deeper level. Usually it is someone with whom I can relate to so easily for a multitude of reasons.

After they have died, normally I will be sad for a while, but realize that they are in a better place and are no longer suffering. I then am able to focus on the things I so admired and loved about them. I have been hit doubly hard this week as there are two patients that I have strongly connected with. “Fred” died two days ago and “Rita” has likely only a week or two to live.

Fred was in a slow decline, but then took a sudden turn, and in one day, with his family at his bedside, he was gone. Rita is having weekly changes and declining to where now she is sleeping most of her days and eating very little. I visit Rita weekly and see a dramatic decline with each visit. It hit me today that she likely won’t live for much longer.

For me, Rita’s decline, being so close to Fred’s unexpected death, has hit me doubly hard. I became sad after visiting Rita this morning and I cannot shake the feeling. I realize that my sadness is the grief I feel knowing that Rita’s time and mine is coming to an end. In addition, I know that Fred and my time is now over. What remains is the memories of knowing each of them.

What also is impacting me I know, is that yesterday was the fifteen year anniversary of a dear friend’s death to breast cancer. I have been thinking of my friend, Kate, a lot this past week and hoping that she is aware of how she so strongly impacted my life. I believe the sadness I feel, is the result of these three amazing people that I have been so blessed to have been able to meet and share part of our journeys together.

A LITTLE SAD
　

I am feeling a little sad tonight.
It has hit me hard somehow.
Usually I can shake it off
and remember them with love.

Some cases can be harder than others.
Some patients touch me deep in my heart.
That vulnerable place of love and pain.
An honor to have had them cross my path.

He died so suddenly.
We were all surprised.
A blessing for him,
but I needed more time.

She’s going quickly.
She doesn’t want to linger.
She’s ready to die,
but I’m finding it hard for her to go.

Two special people who have graced this earth.
Two people who have touched so many souls.
We all are better to have known them,
if only it was just for a short time.

So I guess I’ll be sad for a little while longer.
For a while I will have a heavy heart.
In its time the sadness will go;
replaced by the memory of two special souls.