COPING SKILLS

Fifty-eight year old “Lori” was diagnosed with liver cancer over three years ago. The cancer has now spread to her lungs. Fluid has been building in her stomach which necessitates a need to have it drained several times each week. The tumor is pushing onto her stomach which makes eating a challenge. She gets full very quickly. If she eats too much, she becomes nauseas She also has swelling in her legs and feet which make it difficult for her to walk.

Through all of these health challenges, Lori does not fret. She wants to know the truth about her disease progression. She accepts her fate without fears or concerns. She will say, “It is what it is.” She is coping amazingly as her challenges are great.

Lori has been separated from her husband, “Leo” for years. About six months ago, he moved back into the home as Lori needed his financial support for monthly expenses. Lori and Leo have three adult daughters. One of their daughters resides in the home. The other two daughters live nearby. Lori’s three daughters are devoted to her and rely on her to settle the differences they each have with their father. Leo is an alcoholic and binge drinks on the weekends. Lori says that he gets obnoxious and his behavior can be out of control. Quite often Leo doesn’t pay his portion of the bills as he has gambled it away at a local casino.

It amazes me how Lori has accepted her dying but struggles over family dynamics, which have been ongoing for years. Typically one will have a certain level of coping for life’s challenges as they come. Her coping is so dramatically paradoxical. Her worries are with her family not getting along with each other. I know her dying will impact her family tremendously, but that gives her no concern. She is at peace and has accepted her dying.

Fortunately Hospice has a tremendous bereavement support follow-up that is available. I hope the family takes full advantage of this benefit.


COPING SKILLS
　

She wants to know how long she has.
She wants to know the truth.
She was initially told six months,
but then, that was a year and a half ago.

Recently she asked her doctor again.
He said likely no more than two months.
She is seeing weekly changes in her body.
She knows she is going downhill.

She believes what he has told her.
She knows this is to be.
She is calm, she understands.
She accepts her fate with grace.

Her struggles are with her family members.
They don’t get along at all.
This has been going on for years.
She knows nothing will ever change.

She stresses over the arguments.
She cries each time a door slams.
It is difficult for her to cope with it,
knowing there is nothing she can do.

She’ll calmly talk about the afterlife.
She’ll talk straight forward about not being around.
But then she’ll cry so easily over her family.
For her, the hardest thing of all.