CANDLE FLAME

Eighty-five year old “Samuel” suffers from end-stage Parkinson’s Disease. The disease has left him confused, chair-bound and dependent. He was diagnosed almost twenty years ago and has had a long, slow decline. His wife of sixty-years, “Bette” is a very young seventy-eight year old.

Bette could no longer care for Samuel at home, and so three years ago she placed him in a board and care home. He gets excellent care which relieves her of being his caregiver, to being his devoted wife. She visits him daily which he appears to enjoy. His face lights up when he sees her. He will smile and reach for her hand.

Samuel chokes easily on fluids. He has had many bouts of aspiration pneumonia because of that inability to swallow correctly. With each episode, Bette has the facility call 911 so that Samuel can get IV antibiotics. He is weaker after each episode. Bette is aware that she has the option on not doing any treatment. The medical staff tell her that it is not a difficult way to die. Hospice would make sure he is comfortable and not in any pain. Samuel no longer speaks and cannot communicate his wishes. Bette and Samuel had never shared their wishes with each other which gives her struggle now.

Bette had not yet been ready to make the choice of doing nothing as she felt Samuel had some quality of life. Currently she is struggling with what to do as he has had such a decline these past few weeks. When I met with her today she shared the candle analogy to his illness.

Bette has many hobbies and activities in her life. She is a hiker and, either alone or with her hiking group, manages to fit in her exercise on a daily basis. She has a wonderful family and many friends which occupy her time. She is very open when discussing her grief over losing her husband of sixty years.

I know she will make the right decision at the right time for her and Samuel. With her tremendous support system, she will be okay, no matter when and if she needs to choose treatment vs. no treatment.


CANDLE FLAME
　

They’ve been married almost 60 years.
He’s been sick for a third of that time.
Where prior he was such a vital, active man;
now, he’s just a shell of who he once was.

She believes he still has some quality of life
as he easily smiles when she walks into the room.
He’ll reach for her hand with joy on his face.
He’s confused, but it seems that he knows who she is.

Recently he’s been sleeping a whole lot more.
He is losing weight and getting weaker.
It’s hard to know what he is thinking
as he hasn’t spoken for quite a while.

She wants to do the right thing.
She wants to follow his wishes,
but they never spoke about these things.
She’s not sure what he would want her to do.

He chokes easily when drinking water.
He’s had pneumonia many times.
She rushes him to the hospital for treatment.
With each episode, he declines a bit more.

She knows a time will come to say no more.
She wants to do what’s right.
“His candle is going down.
The flame continues to lower.”

She’ll watch as his candle flame flickers.
She’ll watch as his flame loses it’s glow.
Her love will guide her; she will know
when it’s time to let his flame naturally
       burn out.