GRIEF

Fifty-four year old “Ken” suffered from prostate cancer that had spread to his bones. Four years ago, after a divorce, he moved in with his father, “Hank”. It was a win-win living arrangement for both of them as Hank was getting elderly and used a cane to get around. They lived on five acres and Ken was able to take care of the outside property for his dad, while Hank took care of the inside of the house.

Ken was diagnosed with cancer one year ago. He went through treatment, but his cancer continued to grow and spread. It was a continuous decline to where he became bed bound and needed help with all of his needs. Ken’s parents were divorced years ago, but remained friends. His mother, “Winifred” came over daily to help Hank with Ken’s care. In addition, Ken’s sister, “Cindy” was very supportive and involved.

Ken was admitted to hospice one week before he died. He was confused, extremely weak and completely dependent upon others for all of his needs. Cindy and Winifred both moved in to be available full time to help Hank with Ken’s care.

Hank was very open about his feelings of losing his son. He was sad, but had a practical side to him. He knew Ken had no quality of life and was suffering. In addition, the family had many friends and other extended family who were so supportive which helped tremendously.

As part of my role as a hospice social worker, I follow up with two bereavement calls to the family. The first call is when the patient first dies. I try to wait a day or two as so often families are busy calling other family members and friends to get the support they need.

The second call is four to six weeks later to check in and see how the family is doing. Quite often folks struggle at this time as they are trying to get back to their “normal” lives. They have been kept busy with arrangements and tasks which often can delay the grieving process.

I spoke with Cindy today and it was then when she told me how her father was doing and how he describes his feelings of grief and relief that his son is no longer suffering. It is the perfect word that best describes many bereaved emotions. I vote to add it to our English language.


GRIEF


I called them up today;
to check in and to say hello.
It’s been a month since he’s been gone.
I hoped they were doing okay.

She said they all were doing just fine.
They are trying to get on with their lives.
She admitted to having moments of sadness,
but knows that will ease up in time.

None of them have any regrets
as they were constantly there.
Exhausted and weary but never giving up
through sleepless nights and difficult days.

His father stated it so perfectly,
as he was sick for way to long.
“Yes I am sad and have my moments
but mostly I feel grelief.”