ASHES ON THE SHELF

Seventy-one year old “Bill” suffers from gall bladder cancer. He lives with “Jackie”, his wife of forty-five years. Bill came onto hospice when he started to decline and could no longer be left alone. His daughter, “Linda”, spends the days with her dad, while Jackie works. Bill has two other sons who live nearby. His sons are available evenings and weekends to help out. It is a very close, devoted, loving family.

The family laugh a lot; often using sarcasm. The sarcasm is never hurtful and quite often it is directed at themselves. On the other hand, the family easily verbalizes their pain and grieve openly. Bill is open about his dying as well, although prefers to focus on the positives in his life. He loves to paint and, scattered throughout the home, are Bill’s amazing paintings. He has a studio in the home which he proudly shows off to visitors. He has focused on one particular painting that he was working on and calls it, “My final painting.” He says it will be the last painting he will do. He shares this in a very calm, relaxed manner.

Bill took a dramatic turn five days ago. Where he had been walking and up and around, he is now unresponsive. His death is imminent. I made a visit to the his home today. His family were all sitting in the living room and they started to tell “Bill” stories. Before too long, we started to laugh at some of his antics.

Jackie was telling me that she had made funeral plans and that Bill will be cremated. It was then she shared one of his favorite expressions.


ASHES ON THE SHELF



He lay in the other room unresponsive.
They started to talk about his life.
They shared the funny stories;
they shared the happy times.

He and his family laugh a lot.
They all use sarcasm to ease the pain.
It takes the edge off their grief.
He would want them to handle his dying this way.

It won’t be much longer now.
The family is holding vigil.
They have given him permission to go.
They know he has suffered enough.

He had a favorite phrase
when something was never to be.
He said if it ever did happen, it would be
“Long after my ashes are on the shelf”.

They plan to have him cremated.
They plan to bring him back home.
They’ll honor him and follow his wish,
by then placing his ashes on the shelf.