MIDNIGHT CALLER

Eighty-five year old “Ted” suffered from end stage lung disease. He was on continuous oxygen and got very short of breath with any endurance. He was always in good spirits and would easily produce a big smile.

Ted lived with his wife of thirty years, “Penny”. Penny was sixteen years younger than Ted and easily managed his needs. Both Ted and Penny were widowed and came into this married with children. There were seven children between them and all got along well and considered themselves one big family. All of Penny’s children considered Ted their father.

Ted was starting to decline when he came onto hospice. He was only on hospice for a short time when it became apparent that he had only days to live. Ted died on a Sunday afternoon with all of his family around.

I spoke with Penny two days later and that is when she shared the story about the midnight caller. Penny, the neighbor and all of their family believe it was Ted who rang that bell. Penny said that it gives her and the family comfort knowing that it was Ted saying goodbye to his friend. She feels that if his daughter did not shake his shoulder at midnight, that he would have died at that time. She added that the shaking brought him back for thirteen hours more.

Penny said that Ted just slipped away. She said it was a peaceful end. I believe, too, that it was Ted who rang that bell. True or not, the best part is that it gives Penny and her family peace about his passing.


MIDNIGHT CALLER


He was slowly declining.
He knew his time was short.
It was important for him to say goodbye
to his good friend who lived right next door.

He was having one final good day
so they went over and rang his bell.
When no one answered they went back home.
He never got out of bed again.

His daughter checked him at midnight.
She found his breathing had stopped.
She shook him gently and he came back,
but hours later, he was gone.

His friend came over to give the family support.
He said his doorbell rang at midnight.
The motion lights never turned on as they should.
He checked the porch but no one was there.

All believe that it was he who rang the bell.
He likely would have left at that time,
but his daughter’s gentle rocking
brought him back for a few hours more.

It gives them comfort to know
that he had a peaceful end.
Reassured by the fact that he was the midnight caller.
He was the one who rang the bell.

CHARLIE

Sixty-seven year old “Duane” suffers from colon cancer. Duane lives with his wife, “Barb”, their adult daughter and son-in-law, plus three boarders. Duane and Barb have been married 49 years, although their relationship has been rocky at times. They have lived apart many of those years and have dated others, but both have always felt emotionally married.

Duane moved back in with Barb a few weeks ago when his health started to decline; whereas he was needing more help. Duane and Barb have owned boarding homes over the years, renting to disabled adults. Because of this, Barb is an excellent caregiver for Duane.

I went out to do a routine visit today and sat down with Duane to check in as to how he was doing. Due to tumor growth, his stomach is swollen, but he is good natured about his situation. He patted his stomach and said that he calls his cancer “Charlie”. Duane uses a lot of humor to cope. He has no fears about dying and has accepted his fate. He shares that there is not much he can do about it.

Barb and Duane are both strong willed with personalities that often clash, but one can see the love they have for each other. They met in high school and married when both were quite young. They have a lifelong commitment to each other and Barb will support Duane until the end.

The family is very open with their feelings toward each other, good and bad. It makes for a lively household which works for all. 


CHARLIE


He named his tumor Charlie.
He thought a fitting name.
It helped him put a handle on things.
It helped him direct his thoughts.

He is never angry at Charlie,
but he tells him how he feels.
How he has come and disrupted things;
how he has yanked his life around.

He talks to Charlie all the time,
using humor to ease the pain.
He knows it won’t change the inevitable,
but it is something he can do.

He knows his future if grim.
He knows his time is short,
but sharing his thoughts with Charlie this way
gives a feeling of some control.

So he’ll continue to talk to Charlie,
as Charlie continues to grow.
He’ll live his life the best he can,
until Charlie is no more.

WHEN I NEED YOU

Eighty year old “Dolores” suffered from lung cancer that had spread to her liver. Dolores was widowed and lived with her daughter. She had one other daughter who lived about five hours north. Dolores had such a gregarious personality, that everyone just loved her. Her family was very close and devoted to her. Not surprisingly, she also had many friends in her life.

Dolores was admitted to hospice while I was away on a two week vacation. When I returned, I made an appointment to go out to meet her and to see how I could help her. The moment I walked into the door, she wanted to know all about my vacation. She was so interested in others, but also would share these amazing stories about her own life. She had a great sense of humor which was sprinkled throughout her stories.

On that first visit, I explained my role on the hospice team and ways in which I could help her. She said that she didn’t need anything right at the moment, but would let me know when she needs me.

I only made three visits to her home. On the first two visits, we just talked about life and adventures. A big part of the role of the hospice social worker is relationship building. These conversations helped me get to know Dolores better in order to assist her, when needed, in the future.

Dolores stopped eating six days before she died. Over a weekend she declined so quickly to where she became unresponsive. I called the family to set up a time to visit and we agreed on noon the following day. I later heard from the chaplain that the family thought I was coming at ten that day. I rearranged my schedule as I had a feeling that the sooner I could get out there, the better. The hospice nurse showed up about thirty minutes into my visit. I believe the family confused my visit time with the nurses.

I walked into a house full of family and friends. Dolores was in a hospital bed in the living room. She was in a coma with labored breathing. I was able to offer support to all of her family and friends. Before I left, I was also able to say goodbye to Dolores. An hour later, Dolores’s daughter called me to say that she had died.

I left a message about Dolores’s death on our chaplain’s phone as I knew he was headed over to her home. He called me later to say he walked in five minutes after she had died. He was then able to offer well needed spiritual support to the family.

It got me to thinking that Dolores did tell us when she needed us to come. If I had come at my original scheduled time of noon, the chaplain and I would have been there at the same time. Being available separately at those particular times somehow seemed like the best way to give the most effective support. Dolores did tell us when she needed us there.


WHEN I NEED YOU


One couldn’t help but love her
the moment you walked through her door.
She was social, she was gregarious.
She welcomed you into her home.

I told her how I could assist her.
I told her about the hospice team.
How we would walk along side of her
easing the way that best fit her needs.

She said she’d ask when she needs us,
but for now, she was doing quite well.
So we spent time sharing stories about family,
about friends and everything else.

The end came quite suddenly.
It caught everyone by surprise.
I planned on visiting at noon that day,
but the family thought I said ten.

I knew they could use some help,
so I switched my schedule around.
I was then available to comfort her family.
An hour later, she was gone.

The chaplain showed up soon after she died.
He blessed her on her way.
He was then able to pray with the family.
Something so helpful at that crucial time.

The timing for all was perfectly set.
I know it was directed by her.
She called us all there one after the other,
as today was the day
she needed us.

"MISCHIEF"

“Ben”, an eighty year old widower with multiple medical problems, came onto hospice today as his health has taken a recent toll on him. Where once he was up and around, he is now wheelchair bound and spends the majority of his days in bed. Ben suffers from cardiac disease, lung disease, Parkinson‘s, diabetes and kidney disease. He is on continuous oxygen to help him breath. He gets short of breath very easily which limits his mobility.

The nurse and I went out this morning to open Ben up to hospice. He was sleeping during our visit, so the nurse and I sat with Ben’s daughter, “Mary” in the kitchen. Mary is the oldest of Ben’s eight children and has always had the role of caretaker. When Mary was twelve, her mother went back to work and Mary had to get her siblings up and ready for school. None of her siblings help out with dad’s care, even though six of them live nearby. It seems they still see Mary as the family caretaker.

Mary’s daughter and two grandsons moved in recently to help out. Mary says her daughter is her only support. Mary has had a lot of tragedy in her life. She is sixty-one and has suffered from two strokes as well as two heart attacks. The most recent was two months ago when she said she suffered a cardiac arrest. In addition, Mary’s ex-husband was murdered by a jealous ex-boyfriend of his then girlfriend.

Mary never complains as she is determined to care for her father no matter what. Mary will cry when talking about her siblings and how disappointed she is in all of them for their lack of support.

After all of the admission paperwork was signed, the nurse and I went in to check on Ben. He woke up easily and gave us a smile. He said he was doing fine. Mischief, his cat, was lying in the crook of his knee. Mischief meowed quite loudly when we all walked into the room.

Mary then shared the story of how Mischief will meow loudly into the baby monitor near the bed to warn her that her dad’s blood sugar is high. The nurse said that the cat likely is smelling the fruity scent of acetone on Ben’s breath, which is what happens when someone’s sugar runs high. Mischief also will go find Mary and meow loudly at her when Ben is ready to get up.

I was amazed by Mischief and also amazed by Mary and her determination to care for her father in spite of all the odds against her. Both are incredible.



“MISCHIEF”


Hello, my name is Mischief.
I am a brownish tabby cat.
I am sixteen years old
and have a very important job to do.

I live with “Papa” as some call him.
Others say “Dad” or “Grandpa”.
I just know he is slowing down
and he needs me around.

He stays in bed a lot now.
I sleep in the crook of his knee.
It is comfortable and warm there,
but I am always on alert.

Sometimes he is not okay.
I have to be around just in case.
When I get a whiff of something sweet,
then I know I must be quick.

There is this box next to his bed.
I heard her call it a baby monitor.
I know when I meow loud into that box
she will quickly come.

She then picks me up and pets me.
She thanks me for letting her know.
She relies on me to protect him.
so I’ll continue to remain alert.

I answer to the name of “Mischief”
and I have an important job to do.



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