A GIFT

Sixty-seven year old “Vic” suffers from prostate cancer. Vic has been married to “Mary” for thirty years. Vic has several children from a previous marriage who all live out of state. Mary has two sons from two previous marriages who also live hours away. The extended family is very close to Vic, Mary and each other.

Mary says that Vic is her soul mate. She adores him and loves being by his side. She says he came into her life at the perfect time. Vic is devoted to Mary and appreciates all that she does for him.

Vic is very weak and needs assistance with all of his needs. He has some days now that he doesn’t get out of bed. He has a poor appetite and is so thin one can see his ribs. Mary worries about him, but understands that the decline will continue.

I went out today and Vic needed to talk about his family. He wanted to know what to tell his family when they call. He doesn’t know when to tell them to come visit. He would like to have a chance to say goodbye. I asked him what he wanted to do. Did he want to see them when he was alert and awake to enjoy the visit or at the end of his life where he may be sleeping most of the time?

Vic thought about what I said and then asked me, “When will I die?” He wanted to know how long he had to live to determine when to tell the family to come out for a visit. I spoke about the end of life and what to expect. I said he would let go when the time is right for him.

I talked about the clinical process of dying and then spoke about my experience as the non-medical member of the team. I shared that if he saw monthly changes, he has months. If he sees weekly changes he has weeks; daily changes; days and hourly changes; hours. I shared that a guideline for me is how much someone is still eating or drinking.

He was quiet for a moment while he thought about what I had said. He started to cry and then said, “Thank you. You have let me know.” I was tearful as well as he told me I had made a difference to him today. I felt touched by God for finding the right words to say to him.

I asked Vic if I could give him a hug before I left. He said yes. He is so weak, but he was determined to stand up and hug me back. Our hug was so tight and long as I believe we were both thanking each other for the gift we received from each other.

Mary walked me out and said “Isn’t he an amazing man?” I couldn’t have agreed more. Somehow we were meant to connect today in a very special way. Thank you Vic and God for the amazing gift you gave me.


A GIFT


I hadn’t seen him for a few weeks.
I was surprised by his decline.
He is weaker; he is thinner.
He has trouble processing thoughts.

He knows he is going downhill.
He knows he will never get well.
He knows his time is limited.
He’s getting ready to let go.

“When should I tell them to come visit?
When is it the right time?
I don’t know what to tell people.
When will I die?”

I spoke about the end of life.
I spoke about the changes and decline.
I was honest and straightforward.
I allowed the words to just flow.

He was quiet for a moment
letting my words sink in.
He started to cry and then thanked me.
“You have let me know.”

I asked if I could give him a hug
for the gift that he gave me.
Telling me I made a difference.
Helping him to know what to say.

He slowly stood up and we hugged.
The hug was tight and long.
He was thanking me for my gift.
A shared exchange between two souls.