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Eighty-three year old “Donald” suffered from Parkinson’s Disease and Dementia.  He had been in a slow decline for years to where he now was bedridden and dependent with all of his needs. He was confused and could not carry on any meaningful conversation.

Donald lived with “Loretta”, his wife of sixty-two years. Loretta, eighty-one years old, was in good health with lots of energy which enabled her to care for Donald. They had one son, “Devon”, who lived across the street. Devon had been laid off from his job and was available to help his parents on a daily basis.

Donald’s needs were increasing to where Loretta could no longer care for him at home alone. It broke her heart to place him in a Skilled Nursing Facility, but she knew she had no other choice. Loretta didn’t drive so Devon would drive his mom to the facility where she would spend the day. Devon would return to pick her up at dinner time.

Donald was in the facility for about a week when he went into a coma. The family knew he was dying and remained at his bedside. Devon’s son was away at college and was able to fly home to visit his grandfather before he died. When his grandson walked into the room, Donald woke up for a few minutes and smiled at his grandson. Donald died the next day never awakening again. It comforts the family knowing that he was able to acknowledge his grandson‘s presence.

As a hospice social worker I contact families twice after a death. The initial call is a condolence call when the patient first dies. I make another call two to four weeks later to check in and see how the family is coping. I called Loretta today and she shared that she had just picked up Donald’s ashes and how it gave her comfort.

She is coping appropriately with excellent support from her family and her many friends. She was able to talk about her grief quite easily. She was aware that she will have some difficult days ahead, but also knows that it is the normal process of grief. With her outgoing personality and her willingness to reach out to her family and friends, I know she will be okay. She also knows she can call me or hospice if ever needed. I wish her well.


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She wanted him to remain at home.
She hoped she could care for him there.
But his needs became too much for her.
She could no longer manage him alone.

She had to place him in a facility.
She knew she had no other choice.
She saw the good care he was getting,
but still it wasn’t like he was at home.

He was confused and didn’t understand,
but he must have known when she was there.
He would calm down when she entered his room
with her soothing words and gentle touch.

He died quietly one evening
with his family at his side.
She said it was peaceful.
It was good for us all.

She brought his ashes home today.
She said that something had been missing.
She placed them gently on the mantle.
“It’s so good to have him back home.”