IN THE GARDEN

Eighty-four year old “Mary” was diagnosed with cancer four months ago. After several failed attempts of chemotherapy and radiation, she chose to stop treatment. It was then she was referred to hospice.

Mary has six children who all live locally and visit often. She has a large, extended family with in-laws and multiple grandchildren. The family is very close and loving to her. She has been the matriarch to them all.

Since Mary has stopped treatment, she has been feeling better day by day. She says she is stronger and her appetite is improving. She has started to get out; her biggest pleasure being able to attend church again.

She is wobbly on her feet and needs supervision while up and about. The family are all eager to help her as her positive attitude is wonderful to be around. Three of her daughters rotate so that at least one of them is with Mary at all times. They help Mary with meals and household chores.

I met with Mary today and she told me about meeting Jesus in the garden when she was six. She shared how her strong faith in God has enabled her to appreciate her life and be thankful each day for the blessings she has had.

She has no fears about dying. She says she has had a good life. She will embrace the day she will meet Him again. It’s what her life has been all about.


IN THE GARDEN


She first met Him when she was six.
She was sitting on a bench in the garden.
She knew immediately who He was,
even though she never saw His face.

He sat down next to her on the bench.
He told her He would always be there.
No matter what troubles befall her in life,
she will never ever be alone.

Things had been rough in her short life.
There had been many troubling times.
But once she met Him, it quickly changed,
never again to be the same.

Her life did transform that day.
She was no longer afraid.
She knew He would always be around.
He was there to guide her way.

She saw Him again across the river.
He was motioning her to come.
She was afraid to go in the water.
She stood motionless while He walked away.

She wonders sometimes what would have been
if she chose to cross the river.
She feels she may have been a teacher;
instructing others about Him.

She talks about Him to whomever will listen.
Her strong faith leads the way.
She need not speculate about crossing the river,
as she’s been a teacher all along.

A SMALL THING

Fifty-four year old, “Caroline” suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). She was diagnosed eight months ago when she noticed her left thumb and fingers were becoming weak. She has declined rapidly to where now she is totally paralyzed. She spends her days in a hospital bed totally dependent upon others.

Caroline lives with her husband, “Sam”, who is devoted to her. They have no children, but have tremendous support from their families. Between Sam’s five siblings, Caroline’s parents and three brothers, there is always someone around to help out. In addition they have a tremendous network of close friends. There are always at least two people in the home to help out. Sam has a calendar where people sign up for times they are available.

When I went out to meet with the family, Sam answered the front door. He immediately started to vent out his frustrations about “the system”. Caroline’s decline has been so rapid, that by the time certain medical equipment gets delivered, she no longer is able to use what has been ordered.

A physical therapist was to come out this afternoon to instruct family on how to use a Hoyer lift. A Hoyer lift enables one person to transport Caroline from place to place with ease. Right before I arrived, Sam received a call from the physical therapist saying he had to cancel because he worked for home health and with hospice now following, he could not come out.

I told Sam that hospice doesn’t have their own physical therapists and we use home health therapists when needed all the time. I made several phone calls and with help from a hospice nurse, I was able to track down the proper person. Fortunately we were able to re-schedule for another therapist to come out this afternoon. Sam had taken off work and had arranged for several family members to be available so all could be instructed in how to use the Hoyer lift.

Sam was so appreciative of what I was able to accomplish. He couldn’t thank me enough. I told him that this was a perfect example of how hospice can help him. I encouraged him to keep hospice informed of any needs as the hospice team will always advocate for him and his family.

It made me think about how it is the small things that make the biggest difference in this world. Sam was so appreciative and I was so appreciative of the hospice nurse who stopped what she was doing to help me help this family. It does take a village.


A SMALL THING


We all can make a difference
at any moment of any day.
Some we are aware of,
most often we’re not.

He was so frustrated
by the system that let him down.
A system that is made up of people
as strong as the weakest link.

Their lives have dramatically changed
these past eight months.
So much has happened,
it’s been hard for them to keep up.

The moment I stepped into their home,
he immediately vented his frustrations.
Sharing what had just happened.
It was the final straw.

I made a couple of phone calls.
I tracked down the source of the problem.
The issue was resolved rather quickly.
It didn’t take much effort on my part at all.

He was so amazed.
He couldn’t thank me enough.
I really didn’t do that much,
but to him and his family,
this small thing was profound.

I am so blessed to work in a field
where each day I receive thanks.
Being told often that I made a difference
in such a huge way.
But to me, moreover than not,
it usually is such
a small thing.

DOUBT

“Maureen“, sixty, suffered from ovarian cancer. She recently moved into her son’s home to get the help she needed from her family. Her aunt was with her during the day while “Keith“, her son, worked. Keith and his sister then took over the care for their mother on evenings and the weekends.

When I went out to do my initial visit, it was apparent how much Keith loved his mom. He didn’t say much, but his behavior showed how much he cared. He was very attentive to any need she had. She didn’t have to ask him for anything as he had the instinct to know just how to help her.

Keith underwent brain surgery himself one year ago. He has recovered well and is doing great. I am sure that experience helped him understand his mother’s needs. Maureen was only on hospice for a few short weeks. She declined rapidly and died peacefully on a Sunday morning with her family at her bedside.

Part of my role as a social worker is to follow up and call families to offer condolences and support after a death. When I spoke with Keith he sounded so sad. He was able to talk about his feelings and how much he missed his mom. He shared that he had doubts about the afterlife. He was raised Catholic, but did not believe in a lot of the church’s doctrine.

His mother had a strong belief in the afterlife, but Keith feared that he would not see her again. He hoped that there was an afterlife. He said there is no proof of, if anything, what the afterlife is all about.

I stated that his mother may no longer be with him in the physical sense, but her spirit will remain forever. I shared that anytime he thought of his mother, he was embraced by her spirit. It was then that he shared the story about the blinds in her bedroom. That experience did not erase his doubt, but hopefully, in time, it will help him find his peace.


DOUBT


There was never any doubt
how much he loved his mother.
He was there until the end
caring for her; showing his love.

She raised him to believe in God.
She taught him all about heaven.
How loved ones are reunited
when their journeys have come to an end.

Now that she is gone,
he worries about being alone.
Will he be with her again?
Is what she said the truth?

He has doubts about the afterlife.
He has doubts he’ll see her again.
He questions the teachings he learned as a boy.
He doesn’t know what to believe.

He hoped to find some comfort
so he laid down in her room.
He thought if he slept in her bed,
he might feel her near.

As he laid down he said, “Goodnight Mom”.
He didn’t know if she would hear.
A moment later the shades waved.
He hoped that it was her.

He’ll continue to have some doubts
as he knows nothing can be proven.
Maybe one day when his life is done
all will become crystal clear.
He’ll know all the answers of life
and hopefully then
he’ll no longer have
any doubt.

IN STRIDE

Sixty-five year old “Ken” suffers from lung cancer. His doctors referred him to hospice as his cancer has spread. Ken lives with his wife of fourteen years, “Missy”. He calls Missy his soul mate. They met years ago when Missy was friends with Ken’s younger sister.

Missy and Ken lost touch when Ken enlisted into the military and was shipped to Vietnam. Ken subsequently married twice with both marriages ending in divorce. Ken has three adult children who are estranged. He has had no contact with them for years. Ken takes all of this in stride as has no regrets about not having any contact with his children.

Ken and Missy met up again and were married 14 years ago. Missy, fifty years old, is devoted to Ken. They have a lot in common even with a fifteen year age difference.

Ken’s parents owned a local restaurant for years. Ken took over the business when his parents retired. They had three devoted employees who worked for the restaurant for years. Over the course of a four month period, all three employees left; one retired; one died and the third moved away. In the middle of all of this, Ken was diagnosed with lung cancer. Ken knew how hard it would be to find qualified replacement staff and, with his illness, decided it was time to close the restaurant.

Ken’s doctor offered him treatment for his cancer, which he quickly declined. He would rather have some good months ahead of him than extend his life with the side affects of chemotherapy.

Ken shares all of this without any regret or sense of loss. He sees each day as a new day. He would rather focus on what he has going in his life, than have regrets over some of his past decisions. His wife is in total agreement with his decision not to pursue treatment. They talk and laugh about the good times they have had and look forward to the day ahead of them.


IN STRIDE


He takes everything in stride.
He doesn’t worry about a thing.
He accepts what life throws at him
then continues on his way.

Even a cancer diagnosis
didn’t slow him down much at all.
He declined treatment options.
He wants to live his life to the fullest
as long as he can.

He doesn’t worry about his dying.
He’d rather focus on his living.
He sees full months ahead of him
not hampered by side affects of treatment.

He lost his family business.
Circumstances out of his control.
He has two failed marriages,
but now is with his soul mate.

He has no regrets, no remorse.
He appreciates what he has now.
Each morning is a brand new day
and no matter what this day shall bring
he’ll take it all in stride.

MAKING PLANS

Forty-five year old “Laurie” was diagnosed with breast cancer nine years ago when she was just thirty-six. She recently came onto hospice as her cancer has now spread to her bones, liver and lungs. Laurie is on continuous oxygen as gets short of breath with any activity.

Laurie has been married to “Jack” for thirteen years. They have an eleven year old daughter, “Julie.” Laurie’s sister, “Cindy” is visiting from the east coast with plans on staying as long as needed. Laurie has no other family, although Jack’s family lives nearby and are very involved and supportive.

Cindy answered the phone when I called to set up my first visit. Immediately the conversation turned to Julie and how best to talk with her about what is going on with her mother. The family’s focus is all on Julie and her needs.

When I went out to meet with the family, Laurie was sleeping in the bedroom. Jack, Cindy and I spoke in the living room. I gave them a lot of guidance and information about how best to help themselves and Julie through this difficult time.

During the course of our conversation, Jack started sharing the history of Laurie’s disease. How through it all, Laurie knew that one day she would lose her battle. She started talking with Julie’s school teachers, other parents and her friends about how best to help Julie after she is gone. She made arrangements for someone to pick up Julie after school as she knew her husband would not be able to do so because of his work schedule. Laurie also arranged for someone to help Julie with homework, drive her to sport practices etc.

While Jack was sharing Laurie’s stories, I was impressed how someone so young could be so mature. When we all went back to the bedroom to meet with Laurie, she was very sleepy and did not say much as she kept dozing on and off. Jack says that Laurie gets confused at times and has a hard time focusing on the conversation.

There is a lot of love and maturity in this family. I believe that Laurie’s time is close and hopefully she has some comfort knowing that her daughter will always have someone around to help her through some tough times ahead.


MAKING PLANS


She’s been planning this for years.
She knew the time would one day come
when her daughter would need some assistance;
she would need a helping hand.

She knew she likely wouldn’t be around
to see her daughter’s growing years,
so she started getting organized.
She started to make some plans.

She spoke with other parents.
She spoke with all her friends.
She arranged for after-school pickup.
She made sure someone would always be there.

She did this systematically,
never thinking of herself.
Her focus always on her daughter.
Making sure she would never be without.

Her husband proudly tells her story
of the diagnosis nine years ago.
How through years of difficult treatment,
she would always focus on others, never herself.

She is an amazing person.
Wise well beyond her years.
I hope one day her daughter will appreciate,
her daughter will know
that it was her mother’s love,
her mother’s planning,
that paved her way.