EVOLUTION OF A CAREGIVER

“Ed” was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer seven months ago. At the time of the diagnosis, the doctors gave him four months to live. Ed lives with his wife, “Iris”. They have been married forty-two years. They have two children who are both supportive. Their son flies up routinely from his home 500 miles away. Their daughter lives an hour away and visits weekly.

When I first met Ed and Iris, Ed was still able to manage many of his needs. Iris has a history of anxiety and easily frets over things. She likes to have things certain ways and gets fretful when they are not.

Before Ed’s needs increased, Iris would get anxious as she worried about how she was going to be able to manage him in the future as the disease progressed. She works in the medical field and knows that pancreatic cancer is deadly, which increased her fears about being able to care for him.

As the months have gone on, and with Ed’s decline, Iris’s confidence as a caregiver has grown. In the beginning, she needed continual reassurance that she was doing things right. She is a fantastic caregiver, and with each visit, I reassured her that she was doing a great job.

Ed and Iris have frequent visits from friends and their church community. In the beginning, the visits were so welcomed, but now Iris loves to have a day all to herself. Ed has not eaten for over a month, but still takes chips of ice. She has given him permission to go as, is now aware, that he has suffered way too long. He is now totally dependent upon Iris for every need. She no longer needs reassurance in her role as Ed’s caregiver.


EVOLUTION OF A CAREGIVER


She started out overwhelmed.
She was anxious, doubtful and afraid.
How will she be able to manage him?
How will she know what to do?

She questioned her every move.
She feared she was doing things wrong.
She was on guard, she hovered.
She watched his every move.

She hoped for a miracle, but prepared for the worst.
His decline was slow, but continued downhill.
Her faith gave comfort knowing he would be okay,
but how would she go on without him?

Friends call and often stop by.
She is thankful for the support.
I praised her skills as a caregiver
as she needed reassurance she was doing things right.

She now sees this as blessed times,
although will be relieved when it is over.
He has suffered way too long.
She’s ready for him to let go.

Her confidence has grown with each new task.
She easily attends to his needs.
She no longer questions her every move.
She’s now knows she is,
and has always been,
a caregiver extraordinaire.