Forty year old "Jennie" was opened to hospice today. Jennie suffers from ovarian cancer which has spread to her spine. Her pain is excruciating and has left her bed bound this past week as it is difficult for her to walk. She feels if the pain could get under control, she would be able to get up and about and live her life.
Jennie lives with her husband, "Jimmy" and her sixteen year old son, "Shawn". Jimmy and Jennie have been married three years. The three of them are a very close family. Jennie is also very close to her sister, "Laura". Laura is Jennie's biggest advocate. Laura lives four blocks away, and the plan is to move Jennie to her sister's home because it is larger and can accommodate their mother, "Susan", more comfortably. Susan is from out of town, and the plan is for her to stay and care for Jennie for as long as needed because of everyone's work schedule. It is a perfect plan for all.
Shortly after the nurse and I walked in and introduced ourselves, Jennie proclaimed, "I want to live!" She is full of life with such a positive attitude. Some of it may be her own denial, but deep inside, I know she is aware that her disease is critical. She was diagnosed with cancer over ten years ago and, during that time, she has followed a holistic regiment, supported by her physician.
I was so impressed by her spunk and spirit because it was a strong reminder that each of us must live each day to the fullest as we never know when it will be our last.
TO LIVE
She thought hospice was about giving up.
She thought we would just let her die.
But after meeting and hearing about us,
she then knew we were all about life.
"I just want to live."
"I am not going to die."
"I've had this disease for ten years."
"I'm going to get on with my life."
The cancer has spread to her spine.
The pain makes it difficult to walk.
Her medication is vast and a constant need.
Sixty pills with marijuana; a daily regime.
I told her hospice is all about comfort care.
Hospice is about quality of life.
She will guide us through this journey.
Only she knows what is best for her.
I told her we are all living, until we die.
She is living just as much as the rest of us.
It isn't over until it is over,
when we have taken our final breath.
She is spiritual with strong beliefs,
so it's not the afterlife she fears.
She just wants to get on with her life.
"I want to live!"
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
ROLE REVERSAL
Sixty-three year old "Eugene" suffers from pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed over eighteen months ago and, until recently, had been managing quite well. Eugene lives with his wife of forty-two years, "Ingrid". Ingrid and Eugene have two children who are supportive and visit often.
Until two weeks ago, Eugene was able to manage many of his needs. Recently, though, he has been in a rapid decline. Eugene stopped eating yesterday and it is likely he will die within a week. He is still alert, oriented and understands what is happening. He spends his days in his recliner in the family room. He has the recliner's head way back so he can easily stretch out.
When Eugene and Ingrid married, he went to work while she stayed home and cared for the home and family. Once the children were grown, Ingrid went to work as a medical transcriber, but continued to care for the home while Eugene took care of the finances, yard work and her. Ingrid gets anxious easily, so Eugene thought it would be best if he took responsibility for the things that caused her stress.
These past two weeks have been hard on Ingrid. She is doing a marvelous job caring for Eugene, but constantly questions if she is doing the right thing. I went out to do a visit today and reassured her that she was doing a marvelous job. She frets about and anxiously keeps asking Eugene what he needs. He wants to ease her stress and so will do what he thinks she wants him to do.
Both of them know his time is close and that there is nothing else that can be done for him. Toward the end of my visit today, Ingrid sat down in a chair next to Eugene's recliner. He put his hand on her hand and looked at her so lovingly. All he needs is to have his wife at his side. He started to softly cry and it was so apparent how difficult it will be for him to leave her. One could see and feel the love between the two.
She is doing a beautiful job.
ROLE REVERSAL
He has always taken care of her
while she took care of the family.
Their roles were clear and defined.
They both knew what they had to do.
He was always in charge.
It worked well for them that way.
But now that he is sick,
their roles have dramatically changed.
She's doing a great job caring for him,
but her anxiety tells her different.
She fusses, she frets, she hovers.
She worries she is doing things wrong.
He sleeps most of his days
in his recliner tilted back far.
With his decline and increasing needs,
she is doing a fantastic job.
She knows there is nothing more to be done.
The doctors have told her so.
He likely has less than a week to live.
She wants to know what she can do.
He looks at her so lovingly as he is well aware
that she has shifted beautifully into her new role.
She just wants to do the right thing.
He knows she has always
done just that.
Until two weeks ago, Eugene was able to manage many of his needs. Recently, though, he has been in a rapid decline. Eugene stopped eating yesterday and it is likely he will die within a week. He is still alert, oriented and understands what is happening. He spends his days in his recliner in the family room. He has the recliner's head way back so he can easily stretch out.
When Eugene and Ingrid married, he went to work while she stayed home and cared for the home and family. Once the children were grown, Ingrid went to work as a medical transcriber, but continued to care for the home while Eugene took care of the finances, yard work and her. Ingrid gets anxious easily, so Eugene thought it would be best if he took responsibility for the things that caused her stress.
These past two weeks have been hard on Ingrid. She is doing a marvelous job caring for Eugene, but constantly questions if she is doing the right thing. I went out to do a visit today and reassured her that she was doing a marvelous job. She frets about and anxiously keeps asking Eugene what he needs. He wants to ease her stress and so will do what he thinks she wants him to do.
Both of them know his time is close and that there is nothing else that can be done for him. Toward the end of my visit today, Ingrid sat down in a chair next to Eugene's recliner. He put his hand on her hand and looked at her so lovingly. All he needs is to have his wife at his side. He started to softly cry and it was so apparent how difficult it will be for him to leave her. One could see and feel the love between the two.
She is doing a beautiful job.
ROLE REVERSAL
He has always taken care of her
while she took care of the family.
Their roles were clear and defined.
They both knew what they had to do.
He was always in charge.
It worked well for them that way.
But now that he is sick,
their roles have dramatically changed.
She's doing a great job caring for him,
but her anxiety tells her different.
She fusses, she frets, she hovers.
She worries she is doing things wrong.
He sleeps most of his days
in his recliner tilted back far.
With his decline and increasing needs,
she is doing a fantastic job.
She knows there is nothing more to be done.
The doctors have told her so.
He likely has less than a week to live.
She wants to know what she can do.
He looks at her so lovingly as he is well aware
that she has shifted beautifully into her new role.
She just wants to do the right thing.
He knows she has always
done just that.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
KINDNESS
Sixty-six year old "Valerie" suffers from ovarian cancer. Valerie lives with her husband "Carl." They have been married twenty-three years. They have no children, but Valerie is close to her siblings and has amazing friends. Carl suffers from diabetes and cardiac disease, although is able to manage his own needs without much difficulty. Valerie has been declining in the recent weeks whereas she is needing more assistance. Instead of stepping up to the plate to assist his wife, Carl continues to ask Valerie, for example, to make him lunch. Valerie will then fix Carl a sandwich.
Carl says that he is aware that Valerie is dying, but, on the other hand, he focuses on the difficulty he is having with his own health problems. Fortunately, Valerie's brother, "Chad" and her good friend, "Linda" are very involved and attentive to Valerie's changing needs and decline.
Valerie and Carl live in a very tiny one bedroom apartment. She quit her job as a waitress because of her declining health. Carl is retired and on Social Security. Funds are limited, although Linda is able to hire attendant care for the weekends to assist. Either she or Chad are with Valerie daily for support. Even though he knows his wife is declining and needs more help, Carl will sit on the couch and not offer any assistance.
Through it all, Valerie will continue to smile and ask about others. If you ask her how she is doing, she will always reply, "I'm doing fine." She is amazing and a teacher to us all. She has taught me to stop for a moment when I have an urge to complain about something and to concentrate on the positive. Valerie is able to focus on what she has and not what she doesn't have. All in all, it is all about her amazing kindness to others. What a beautiful person she is and what an amazing legacy she will leave behind.
KINDNESS
Her kindness comes from within.
From the deepest part of her soul.
She doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
She sees the good in everyone.
Her focus is always on others.
I have never heard her complain;
even though her own life
is slowly slipping away.
She can barely walk now.
Fluid has invaded her legs.
The tumor is growing so rapidly,
her clothes no longer comfortably fit.
But still she continues to smile.
She continues to ask, "How are you?"
Never a thought to her own sufferings.
She takes it all in stride.
She has amazing family and friends
who are right there by her side.
She has a husband who doesn't help much,
but she loves him all the more.
She will die the way she lived;
with kindness and consideration all around.
She will leave amazing footsteps.
It's the only way she knows how.
Kindness
Carl says that he is aware that Valerie is dying, but, on the other hand, he focuses on the difficulty he is having with his own health problems. Fortunately, Valerie's brother, "Chad" and her good friend, "Linda" are very involved and attentive to Valerie's changing needs and decline.
Valerie and Carl live in a very tiny one bedroom apartment. She quit her job as a waitress because of her declining health. Carl is retired and on Social Security. Funds are limited, although Linda is able to hire attendant care for the weekends to assist. Either she or Chad are with Valerie daily for support. Even though he knows his wife is declining and needs more help, Carl will sit on the couch and not offer any assistance.
Through it all, Valerie will continue to smile and ask about others. If you ask her how she is doing, she will always reply, "I'm doing fine." She is amazing and a teacher to us all. She has taught me to stop for a moment when I have an urge to complain about something and to concentrate on the positive. Valerie is able to focus on what she has and not what she doesn't have. All in all, it is all about her amazing kindness to others. What a beautiful person she is and what an amazing legacy she will leave behind.
KINDNESS
Her kindness comes from within.
From the deepest part of her soul.
She doesn't have a mean bone in her body.
She sees the good in everyone.
Her focus is always on others.
I have never heard her complain;
even though her own life
is slowly slipping away.
She can barely walk now.
Fluid has invaded her legs.
The tumor is growing so rapidly,
her clothes no longer comfortably fit.
But still she continues to smile.
She continues to ask, "How are you?"
Never a thought to her own sufferings.
She takes it all in stride.
She has amazing family and friends
who are right there by her side.
She has a husband who doesn't help much,
but she loves him all the more.
She will die the way she lived;
with kindness and consideration all around.
She will leave amazing footsteps.
It's the only way she knows how.
Kindness
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I'M OKAY
Eighty-four year old "Nora" suffers from colon cancer. She lives with her husband, "Jack" who is her primary caregiver. Jack is eighty-eight years old and is in good health, although hard of hearing. He is able to effectively care for his wife and their home.
Jack and Nora have been married for over fifty-seven years. They have two sons who are devoted to their parents. Both sons live close by and visit often. Nora and Jack had a daughter, who, at age nineteen, died of leukemia. They are both able to talk about their daughter and share wonderful stories about her short life.
Nora had been on hospice before, but was discharged six months ago because she was so stable. She was readmitted into hospice two months ago due to a decline. During my visit today, I was shocked at how weak she looked. I also was surprised to see her still in her pajamas as, with prior visits, she has always been dressed.
Nora is able to walk slowly using her walker, although is a bit wobbly on her feet and Jack needs to be nearby to help her if needed. Nora shared that yesterday she could not even get up out of the chair. Jack spoke about his worries when Nora can no longer get out of bed. He worries that he will not be able to help her.
I shared that, quite often, when the patient is bed bound, it is easier as one does not have to do much lifting. Knowing that they had the funds, I spoke about the option of hiring attendant care. Jack and Nora both think that right now they are okay, but will likely hire help in the future.
It is so sweet as both of them are worrying about the other. Jack's eyes lit up when he spoke about his concern for Nora. He softly rubbed her foot while he spoke. After fifty-seven years, their love is forever strong.
I'M OKAY
He is eighty-eight years old.
He is still able to get around.
He is the primary caregiver for his wife;
attentive to her every need.
His days are full caring for her,
cooking, gardening, managing the home.
He worries about their future
when she is bed bound and needs more help.
His eyes light up when he looks at her.
He wants to help her the best he can.
If you ask him how he is doing,
he replies, "I'm okay, but I worry about her."
She looks at him so gently.
She wishes she could do more.
These last few days have been hard on them.
She's getting weaker and slowing down.
She has no fears about dying.
Her strong faith gives her peace.
He is her biggest concern,
I'm okay, but I worry about him."
They've been relying on each other
for more than fifty-seven years.
It has always worked so beautifully,
so there's never been any doubt,
that both of them will continue to be,
perfectly okay.
Jack and Nora have been married for over fifty-seven years. They have two sons who are devoted to their parents. Both sons live close by and visit often. Nora and Jack had a daughter, who, at age nineteen, died of leukemia. They are both able to talk about their daughter and share wonderful stories about her short life.
Nora had been on hospice before, but was discharged six months ago because she was so stable. She was readmitted into hospice two months ago due to a decline. During my visit today, I was shocked at how weak she looked. I also was surprised to see her still in her pajamas as, with prior visits, she has always been dressed.
Nora is able to walk slowly using her walker, although is a bit wobbly on her feet and Jack needs to be nearby to help her if needed. Nora shared that yesterday she could not even get up out of the chair. Jack spoke about his worries when Nora can no longer get out of bed. He worries that he will not be able to help her.
I shared that, quite often, when the patient is bed bound, it is easier as one does not have to do much lifting. Knowing that they had the funds, I spoke about the option of hiring attendant care. Jack and Nora both think that right now they are okay, but will likely hire help in the future.
It is so sweet as both of them are worrying about the other. Jack's eyes lit up when he spoke about his concern for Nora. He softly rubbed her foot while he spoke. After fifty-seven years, their love is forever strong.
I'M OKAY
He is eighty-eight years old.
He is still able to get around.
He is the primary caregiver for his wife;
attentive to her every need.
His days are full caring for her,
cooking, gardening, managing the home.
He worries about their future
when she is bed bound and needs more help.
His eyes light up when he looks at her.
He wants to help her the best he can.
If you ask him how he is doing,
he replies, "I'm okay, but I worry about her."
She looks at him so gently.
She wishes she could do more.
These last few days have been hard on them.
She's getting weaker and slowing down.
She has no fears about dying.
Her strong faith gives her peace.
He is her biggest concern,
I'm okay, but I worry about him."
They've been relying on each other
for more than fifty-seven years.
It has always worked so beautifully,
so there's never been any doubt,
that both of them will continue to be,
perfectly okay.
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