We admitted , "Ted", a twenty-four year old diagnosed with cancer. Ted had been doing quite well until a recent onset of tremendous pain. Ted moved in with family who were able to care for him. His pain became quite severe to where he had many clinic visits to help reduce his pain.
We met Ted’s family in the kitchen of their home. Ted did not participate as he was in a deep sleep. At the end of our visit, the hospice nurse examined Ted and felt he was imminent. He had moments when he did not breathe. This symptom often can occur at the end of one’s life.
At the beginning of our visit, the family was talking about curative treatment and wanting to call 911 so that Ted would not die. We spoke of our palliative care program thinking that they were not ready for hospice. The nurse and I listened to them and validated their feelings. We also directed the family on looking at Ted's wishes and how he perceived quality of life.
By the end of our visit, the family was on the hospice page. They knew he was dying and they started to look at the peaceful side of things. Their strong Christian faith helped them cope with knowing that Ted was going to a better place. It was amazing to see their transition from unrealistic hopes of curative options, to coming to terms with the reality of things. They were giving Ted a lot of love, compassion and care. The best medicine for him.
THEY KNOW
He was diagnosed two years ago.
Until recently, he was doing well.
His decline has now been swift.
Weakness, pain, no appetite.
They wanted him on hospice.
They knew that we could help.
They needed resources, reassurances
that he would be okay.
They spoke of clinical trials.
They didn't want to destroy any hope.
He has a full life ahead of him.
My gosh, so unfair; he is only twenty-four.
We spoke about comfort care.
We spoke about quality of life.
What would be his wishes?
What would he tell you to do?
"I gave him permission to go.
I said we’d be alright.
He's going to a better place.
Do we call hospice when he stops breathing?"
Yes, they know.
They all truly know.
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Saturday, June 17, 2017
SHE SPOKE
We admitted, "Elizabeth", to our hospice program today. Elizabeth suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). She has been in a recent decline to where now she is wheelchair bound and dependent with all of her needs.
Elizabeth immediately welcomed the nurse and I into her home. She had this broad, beautiful smile while asking her hired caregiver to move two chairs over near her. Elizabeth spoke softly, but her words and heart were so amazing. She spoke of her family, friends and the support she receives in such an appreciative way.
Elizabeth was a Neo-natal physician and shared stories about her work experiences. She shared so much love with families in such stressful moments. She also shared a few stories about how it was, at times, a blessing to let a child go. Elizabeth's words were so powerful because of the immense love she had while sharing them.
One amazing coincidence presented itself during the hospice nurse's and my conversation with Elizabeth. The nurse said that she was two months premature and weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth then shared her thoughts and insight about premies. I was then able to add that I, too, was three months premature and also weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth was able to share that my weight came on earlier than typically expected. It made me think how fortunate I was as that may be the reason I was able to survive. My parents were told that there was a 25% chance of survival for me.
There are folks that we meet along our journey that cross our paths only once. I feel so blessed that I was able to meet Elizabeth. I sure do hope our paths cross again. She is such an inspiration.
SHE SPOKE
The moment you walk into her home
you feel her kindness; you feel her compassion.
She spoke so softly, so genuine.
Her heart permeated the room.
She spoke of her dependence.
Her disease and its impact on her life.
"I wish I were dead.
I wish I wasn't lucid."
She was a neo-natal physician by trade.
She spoke of newborns less than a pound.
How so many were saved to fulfill productive lives;
while others did not fare so well.
She still remembers her first one pound baby.
"His name is Ronald. He is thirty-five now.
He is living a full, healthy life.
He is someone I will never forget."
She thanked us for our kindness; our compassion,
but she is the one with an amazing, spiritual heart.
It was so beautiful; so obvious to all.
It became apparent immediately
because
She spoke.
Elizabeth immediately welcomed the nurse and I into her home. She had this broad, beautiful smile while asking her hired caregiver to move two chairs over near her. Elizabeth spoke softly, but her words and heart were so amazing. She spoke of her family, friends and the support she receives in such an appreciative way.
Elizabeth was a Neo-natal physician and shared stories about her work experiences. She shared so much love with families in such stressful moments. She also shared a few stories about how it was, at times, a blessing to let a child go. Elizabeth's words were so powerful because of the immense love she had while sharing them.
One amazing coincidence presented itself during the hospice nurse's and my conversation with Elizabeth. The nurse said that she was two months premature and weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth then shared her thoughts and insight about premies. I was then able to add that I, too, was three months premature and also weighed three pounds at birth. Elizabeth was able to share that my weight came on earlier than typically expected. It made me think how fortunate I was as that may be the reason I was able to survive. My parents were told that there was a 25% chance of survival for me.
There are folks that we meet along our journey that cross our paths only once. I feel so blessed that I was able to meet Elizabeth. I sure do hope our paths cross again. She is such an inspiration.
SHE SPOKE
The moment you walk into her home
you feel her kindness; you feel her compassion.
She spoke so softly, so genuine.
Her heart permeated the room.
She spoke of her dependence.
Her disease and its impact on her life.
"I wish I were dead.
I wish I wasn't lucid."
She was a neo-natal physician by trade.
She spoke of newborns less than a pound.
How so many were saved to fulfill productive lives;
while others did not fare so well.
She still remembers her first one pound baby.
"His name is Ronald. He is thirty-five now.
He is living a full, healthy life.
He is someone I will never forget."
She thanked us for our kindness; our compassion,
but she is the one with an amazing, spiritual heart.
It was so beautiful; so obvious to all.
It became apparent immediately
because
She spoke.
Saturday, June 10, 2017
WISE OLD SOUL
We admitted, "Cathy", to hospice today after a three year struggle with cancer. One's first impression of Cathy, is that she has had a rough life. She instantly smiles when she meets you, along with a wisecrack. She accepts life in such a positive, humorous way.
Cathy has recently declined to where she is much weaker. Cathy says she could use a walker as she is now wobbly on her feet. She is eating very little and sleeping a lot more during the day. She has totally accepted her terminal diagnosis and poor prognosis. She has strong Native American beliefs about life and lives those beliefs daily.
Her humor was off-the-wall hilarious. She had us all laughing when talking about her medication and recent decline. When I asked her if she had any fears or concerns, she stated that she wishes she would know that she would die in a few days. She does not like burdening her family with her slowly increasing needs.
What was so amazing and wonderful, is that Cathy lives her beliefs every day. She accepts where others are in their beliefs, but truly has such a strong spiritual insight. She has lived many more years than her age. She is an amazing soul.
ADDENDUM: Cathy got her wish, as five days later she died peacefully with her family by her bedside.
WISE OLD SOUL
She has no fear of dying.
"We all are going to do it".
Not sure of the other side,
"But it will be an adventure."
She embraces her life;
one moment at a time.
Accepting, loving, giving.
Her natural personality just shines.
She was a Corrections Officer by trade.
She comes across rough and tough.
She is straightforward and direct,
using sarcastic humor to lighten her load.
I was drawn to her instantly.
Amazed by her strong beliefs.
Spiritually living each day
knowing it may be her last.
She is a natural teacher about life.
Her mystical energy just flows.
She is the wisest of old souls,
at such a young age
of only
forty-five.
Cathy has recently declined to where she is much weaker. Cathy says she could use a walker as she is now wobbly on her feet. She is eating very little and sleeping a lot more during the day. She has totally accepted her terminal diagnosis and poor prognosis. She has strong Native American beliefs about life and lives those beliefs daily.
Her humor was off-the-wall hilarious. She had us all laughing when talking about her medication and recent decline. When I asked her if she had any fears or concerns, she stated that she wishes she would know that she would die in a few days. She does not like burdening her family with her slowly increasing needs.
What was so amazing and wonderful, is that Cathy lives her beliefs every day. She accepts where others are in their beliefs, but truly has such a strong spiritual insight. She has lived many more years than her age. She is an amazing soul.
ADDENDUM: Cathy got her wish, as five days later she died peacefully with her family by her bedside.
WISE OLD SOUL
She has no fear of dying.
"We all are going to do it".
Not sure of the other side,
"But it will be an adventure."
She embraces her life;
one moment at a time.
Accepting, loving, giving.
Her natural personality just shines.
She was a Corrections Officer by trade.
She comes across rough and tough.
She is straightforward and direct,
using sarcastic humor to lighten her load.
I was drawn to her instantly.
Amazed by her strong beliefs.
Spiritually living each day
knowing it may be her last.
She is a natural teacher about life.
Her mystical energy just flows.
She is the wisest of old souls,
at such a young age
of only
forty-five.
Saturday, June 3, 2017
WE WILL KNOW
I have been with so many hospice patients, who get to a certain point, that they are fully aware that they are done. They feel it on such an unemotional basis. It is like the next step for them. We admitted "Betsy", eighty-one, to hospice today after suffering a major stroke. She was discharged home today from the hospital.
Her daughter, "Judy", is her primary caretaker and wants to do what is best for mom. She and her mother have always been close. Mom can no longer talk, but does understand. Judy tries to ask her mom simple questions where her mother can nod her head yes or no.
Two weeks ago, when this first happened, Betsy did tell her daughter and her family what she wanted. One thing I know for sure, there is total love in this home. I told Betsy's daughter that she is doing things so perfectly for her mom as she is giving her love and she is accepting Mom's decision.
WE WILL KNOW
Somehow I truly believe
that we all can reach the point
where we say and truly know,
"I am done."
We all want independence.
We all want quality of life.
Each defined so individually.
It is such a personal choice.
She was fine two weeks ago.
She was fully living and enjoying life.
A major stroke after a sudden heart attack.
Her life so dramatically changed.
She is now bedridden; not eating at all.
She is blind; no longer can talk.
She will nod her head to questions asked.
She knows what is going on.
They all know what she wants.
They all know it is her time
as two weeks ago she told them all,
"I am finished.
I am done."
Her daughter, "Judy", is her primary caretaker and wants to do what is best for mom. She and her mother have always been close. Mom can no longer talk, but does understand. Judy tries to ask her mom simple questions where her mother can nod her head yes or no.
Two weeks ago, when this first happened, Betsy did tell her daughter and her family what she wanted. One thing I know for sure, there is total love in this home. I told Betsy's daughter that she is doing things so perfectly for her mom as she is giving her love and she is accepting Mom's decision.
WE WILL KNOW
Somehow I truly believe
that we all can reach the point
where we say and truly know,
"I am done."
We all want independence.
We all want quality of life.
Each defined so individually.
It is such a personal choice.
She was fine two weeks ago.
She was fully living and enjoying life.
A major stroke after a sudden heart attack.
Her life so dramatically changed.
She is now bedridden; not eating at all.
She is blind; no longer can talk.
She will nod her head to questions asked.
She knows what is going on.
They all know what she wants.
They all know it is her time
as two weeks ago she told them all,
"I am finished.
I am done."
Saturday, May 27, 2017
HER LANGUAGE
The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Mitchell” to our hospice program. Mitchell has been suffering from brain cancer for several years. He had been doing quite well until ten days ago when he took a sudden fall. After the fall, Mitchell rapidly declined. He is now bedridden, weak and needing help with all of his needs.
Mitchell lives with his wife, “Andre”. Andre and Mitchell are both retired University Professors. They are both very intellectual when speaking. Both are direct and to the point. Mitchell has totally accepted his status and poor prognosis. He wants it over. He denied any fears or concerns about his dying.
Mitchell’s family all live out of state, but the couple has a tremendous support network of friends who live nearby. Mitchell has stated that he no longer wants any visitors. He wants to focus on dying. He is processing about what options are available. It is all so simple to him.
Andre, on the other hand, wants to follow her husband’s wishes, but needs time to process her grief and emotions. Her natural way of thinking is the intellectual way. Unfortunately, thinking intellectual can often overlook one’s deep emotions and grief.
It was a challenge to me to keep to the nuts and bolts of hospice, but I knew that was likely the best way to communicate to her. Mitchell slept through much of the meeting, so the majority of my conversation was directed toward Andre.
I walked away feeling so sad about what this couple is going through. I didn’t feel like I helped Andre much at all, although maybe I did more than I thought while speaking her language. One thing I know, Andre has a tremendously large network of friends. She will, hopefully, get her needed support from them.
HER LANGUAGE
He was diagnosed several years ago
and had been doing quite well.
Ten days ago, all has changed.
He is now weak, bedridden and dependent.
He is so sure about his wishes.
He is ready for it all to be over.
He denied any fears or concerns,
"When do they pull the plug?"
Both are University Professors.
Both have brilliant, academic minds.
She is attempting to intellectualize her feelings,
although her emotions are screaming so loud.
She wants to follow his wishes,
even though they are not hers.
She doesn't want to acknowledge her grief.
The pain is way too great.
I kept to the nuts and bolts
while explaining our hospice support.
It isn’t my language at all,
but likely the best dialect she could hear.
I wanted to normalize her fears.
I wanted to validate her emotions.
Hopefully, I was successful in supporting her,
using her language
that was foreign to my ears.
Mitchell lives with his wife, “Andre”. Andre and Mitchell are both retired University Professors. They are both very intellectual when speaking. Both are direct and to the point. Mitchell has totally accepted his status and poor prognosis. He wants it over. He denied any fears or concerns about his dying.
Mitchell’s family all live out of state, but the couple has a tremendous support network of friends who live nearby. Mitchell has stated that he no longer wants any visitors. He wants to focus on dying. He is processing about what options are available. It is all so simple to him.
Andre, on the other hand, wants to follow her husband’s wishes, but needs time to process her grief and emotions. Her natural way of thinking is the intellectual way. Unfortunately, thinking intellectual can often overlook one’s deep emotions and grief.
It was a challenge to me to keep to the nuts and bolts of hospice, but I knew that was likely the best way to communicate to her. Mitchell slept through much of the meeting, so the majority of my conversation was directed toward Andre.
I walked away feeling so sad about what this couple is going through. I didn’t feel like I helped Andre much at all, although maybe I did more than I thought while speaking her language. One thing I know, Andre has a tremendously large network of friends. She will, hopefully, get her needed support from them.
HER LANGUAGE
He was diagnosed several years ago
and had been doing quite well.
Ten days ago, all has changed.
He is now weak, bedridden and dependent.
He is so sure about his wishes.
He is ready for it all to be over.
He denied any fears or concerns,
"When do they pull the plug?"
Both are University Professors.
Both have brilliant, academic minds.
She is attempting to intellectualize her feelings,
although her emotions are screaming so loud.
She wants to follow his wishes,
even though they are not hers.
She doesn't want to acknowledge her grief.
The pain is way too great.
I kept to the nuts and bolts
while explaining our hospice support.
It isn’t my language at all,
but likely the best dialect she could hear.
I wanted to normalize her fears.
I wanted to validate her emotions.
Hopefully, I was successful in supporting her,
using her language
that was foreign to my ears.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
"THANK YOU GOD"
A Hospice Volunteer Coordinator, I worked with years ago, had this amazing sign in her office. It simply said, "You don't choose hospice, hospice chooses you." That statement to me is profound and so true.
I have always been interested in death and dying for whatever reason. Maybe because I was born three months early and was not expected to survive. In high school I took a Career Planning test which came up mortician. During those years, hospice was not a noteworthy profession. My natural spiritual path led me directly to hospice.
We often get asked how can we do hospice? The primary answer is that the work we do is so fulfilling and rewarding. Each day, we hear in words or see on people's faces, that we have made a positive difference by our support. I truly feel it is my life's passion. I will continue to do this work until I can no longer. It is that special to me.
Today's case was a prime example of why I keep getting up each day to continue doing hospice work. The rewards are amazing and so humbling. When patients or families tell us thank you, I want to say, "No, thank you for welcoming us into your home, sharing something so intimate during such a heartbreaking, vulnerable time." It is an honor to witness so many amazing moments.
"THANK YOU GOD"
I have been blessed this life.
I talk to God every single day.
It is not prayers, but a conversation.
"Thank you God for all that you give me."
The gift of doing hospice work is amazing.
Meeting people struggling with a terminal disease.
Hearing their stories; giving them support.
It doesn't get much better than that.
People often ask us,
"How can you do hospice work?"
I say, "It is a calling; it is a passion.
The rewards so remarkably high".
They hoped Mom would be okay.
They hoped she would bounce back.
But the pneumonia was way too strong.
She is now imminent; close to death.
Meeting them for the first time today,
they were ready to hear what I had to say.
I normalized their sorrow; I validated their feelings.
I counseled all on grief and loss.
They gave me so much more than I gave them.
"You need to teach. You are so good at this."
"You helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you so much."
My eyes filled with gracious tears.
I am doing my life's work; my passion.
Driving away from their home,
I looked upward and again said,
"Thank you God
for all that you give."
I have always been interested in death and dying for whatever reason. Maybe because I was born three months early and was not expected to survive. In high school I took a Career Planning test which came up mortician. During those years, hospice was not a noteworthy profession. My natural spiritual path led me directly to hospice.
We often get asked how can we do hospice? The primary answer is that the work we do is so fulfilling and rewarding. Each day, we hear in words or see on people's faces, that we have made a positive difference by our support. I truly feel it is my life's passion. I will continue to do this work until I can no longer. It is that special to me.
Today's case was a prime example of why I keep getting up each day to continue doing hospice work. The rewards are amazing and so humbling. When patients or families tell us thank you, I want to say, "No, thank you for welcoming us into your home, sharing something so intimate during such a heartbreaking, vulnerable time." It is an honor to witness so many amazing moments.
"THANK YOU GOD"
I have been blessed this life.
I talk to God every single day.
It is not prayers, but a conversation.
"Thank you God for all that you give me."
The gift of doing hospice work is amazing.
Meeting people struggling with a terminal disease.
Hearing their stories; giving them support.
It doesn't get much better than that.
People often ask us,
"How can you do hospice work?"
I say, "It is a calling; it is a passion.
The rewards so remarkably high".
They hoped Mom would be okay.
They hoped she would bounce back.
But the pneumonia was way too strong.
She is now imminent; close to death.
Meeting them for the first time today,
they were ready to hear what I had to say.
I normalized their sorrow; I validated their feelings.
I counseled all on grief and loss.
They gave me so much more than I gave them.
"You need to teach. You are so good at this."
"You helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you so much."
My eyes filled with gracious tears.
I am doing my life's work; my passion.
Driving away from their home,
I looked upward and again said,
"Thank you God
for all that you give."
Thursday, May 11, 2017
MOTHER'S DAY
My son, Mark, is a comedy writer living in Los Angeles. He has written multiple scripts titled "Magnificent Moms". Each Mother's Day, for several years, the local Hollywood theater he is connected with, lets Mark produce one of his shows. The show this year will have local comedians on stage with their own mothers to either sing, do a skit, dance etc. Mark has asked me to emcee the program with him. I have never done anything like this before, but Mark says I will do fine and not to worry.
In addition, Mark has asked me to write a poem about Mother's Day to read on stage. That is one thing I am comfortable doing. Mark reassures me that I will do well. I will just go with the flow and have fun with it all. One thing I know for sure, I am a proud Mom of two amazing sons. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
MOTHER'S DAY
My son spoke about Mother's Day.
He asked me to write a poem.
My mind went into so many directions.
How can I capture it in just a few words?
The miracle of birth left me awestruck.
How do I care for someone so small?
I relied on Dr. Spock's instructions
guiding me with my first diaper change.
I didn't know much about raising kids,
but one thing I was sure.
Let them know how much they are loved.
The rest should hopefully, fall into place.
I embraced each moment wanting no change,
but then was so excited seeing them grow.
Watching them make friends, play sports, acting in plays.
Experiencing new adventures; following their dreams.
In the end, maybe it isn't that complicated at all.
You love them; you support them; you laugh and you cry.
But for me, the best thing about being a mom
is knowing that my sons are happy
and they do truly love me too.
In addition, Mark has asked me to write a poem about Mother's Day to read on stage. That is one thing I am comfortable doing. Mark reassures me that I will do well. I will just go with the flow and have fun with it all. One thing I know for sure, I am a proud Mom of two amazing sons. Happy Mother's Day to all of you.
MOTHER'S DAY
My son spoke about Mother's Day.
He asked me to write a poem.
My mind went into so many directions.
How can I capture it in just a few words?
The miracle of birth left me awestruck.
How do I care for someone so small?
I relied on Dr. Spock's instructions
guiding me with my first diaper change.
I didn't know much about raising kids,
but one thing I was sure.
Let them know how much they are loved.
The rest should hopefully, fall into place.
I embraced each moment wanting no change,
but then was so excited seeing them grow.
Watching them make friends, play sports, acting in plays.
Experiencing new adventures; following their dreams.
In the end, maybe it isn't that complicated at all.
You love them; you support them; you laugh and you cry.
But for me, the best thing about being a mom
is knowing that my sons are happy
and they do truly love me too.
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