The hospice nurse and I went out to admit, “Carolyn”, eighty-two, to hospice. Carolyn was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease only seven years ago. In addition, she was on insulin for diabetes. Carolyn lived with her only child, her daughter, “Rebecca”. Rebecca worked out of the home and had been caring for her mother alone until recently. Carolyn has had a steep decline these past few weeks. Rebecca has hired twenty-four-hour attendant care.
The moment the hospice nurse and I walked into their home, Rebecca took us into a back bedroom where she brought out her mother’s Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. It clearly stated, “If I ever get dementia or Alzheimer’s, stop my insulin.” Rebecca wanted to show us what her mother’s wishes were.
She loved her mother dearly and struggled with following her mother’s wishes. I told her that I would worry more, if she didn’t struggle with it at all. Rebecca wanted reassurance that she was supporting her mother in the correct way. I stated that her mother trusted that she would follow her wishes by appointing her the health care agent.
Rebecca shed many appropriate tears during our visit. We spoke about the process involved with following her mother’s wishes. No one ever wants a loved one to die, but more strongly, we do not want them to suffer. It is Rebecca’s love for her mother that is allowing her to follow her wishes. It is not giving up, it is letting go.
HER MOTHER’S WISHES
It’s just been her and her mother
after her father was no longer around.
Mom had a brilliant and educated mind
working as a college professor in town.
She showed us their enormous bookcase
with more than a hundred books on the shelves.
“My mom has read those and so many more.
Reading was something she so dearly loved.”
Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease
only seven years ago this month.
“She was doing okay at first,
but now she’s in a rapid decline.”
“My total focus is all about my mom
as I am her agent for her health care wishes.
She wrote if she ever got dementia;
stop my insulin. I cannot live that way.”
She wants to follow her mother’s wishes,
although it is the hardest thing for her to do.
She doesn’t want her mother to suffer,
although her instinct says to not let her go.
Her powerful love for her mother is guiding her,
to stop the insulin; to let her go, to say goodbye.
It is, absolutely one of the hardest tasks for her to do,
but it is not that complicated as her mother was clear.
“I wrote it all down so simply.
You will truly know what to do.
I cannot live with dementia and diabetes.
It’s time for me to let go, my dearest daughter.
It’s time to say goodbye.
