GROWING OLD

I visited "Betty" today. Betty is a ninety-seven year old who recently moved into a Residential Care Facility which offers twenty-four hour care. Betty had been living alone in her home until two months ago when she suddenly became so weak that she could not walk.

Betty was hospitalized where it was discovered that her kidneys and heart were slowly becoming weaker and not functioning at a normal level. To Betty, this all happened so quickly. She is not questioning why this is happening, but how did this happen. She was so honest and truthful in her statements.

She had such a magnetic personality. She was so true to who she was, which made her shine. I have always loved "Straight shooters". They never say things that they think others want to hear. Betty expressed her true self. That made me love her more.

It made me realize that, yes, her body may be growing old, but her spirit will never grow old. She is a wise teacher to us all. It was an honor to meet her. I have met old people at thirty years of age and I have also been blessed to meet young Betty at ninety-seven years old.


GROWING OLD　

She'll be ninety-eight in a few weeks.
She talks about her long and wonderful life.
How she loves to garden; "Pulling those weeds";
while living alone and managing quite well.

All that changed just two months ago.
It was sudden; it all happened so fast.
Her heart and kidneys were slowing down;
leaving her weak and needing a lot of help.

She now lives in a Senior Facility
where she receives twenty-four hour care;
requiring assistance with all of her needs;
help with showers, getting dressed and meals too.

Upon meeting her today, I was immediately captivated.
Charmed by her zest for life; her honesty; her magnetism.
Attempting to process these past few months.
            Expressing her truthful words.

She denied any fears of what was happening to her.
She has no thoughts about God or Heaven,
but what is so important to her is;
"Being a good person. Helping others."

"I don't feel sick. I feel like I always have.
How did it happen so quickly? I feel so normal."
Her body may be aging; becoming frail,
but her true spirit; her love for life is amazing.
         She will never, ever grow old.       
　

　
　

　　

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A DEEP LOSS

Over the past several years, our hospice has been growing rapidly. We have added a Palliative Care Program along with an Adult Day Care program. During the course of this expansion, our manager was given more and more responsibility. She was doing work that was more than one person could easily complete.

One could tell she was stressed at times due to the high demands she had on her plate, but she always would state such love and appreciation for all that we would do. In addition to adding other elements to our hospice and palliative care program, the caseload has increased, which has impacted all of us.

She took a leave from work a few weeks ago. It was probably the best thing she could have done to take care of herself. Hopefully it gave her time to reflect and process what was happening in her life. Yesterday, she let us all know that she was leaving. I wish her the best in her new position. We all will continue to stay in touch with her as, along with being our manager, she also is a true friend.

Grief comes with any type of loss. Yes death is loss, but it can appear in so many other ways. Maybe in time, she can laugh about all of this and realize it was the best thing that happened as it directed her to where she needed to go. I wish her all the best.


A DEEP LOSS　

I spoke with her a week ago.
She told me she was looking.
Looking for a fresh position; a new change,
hoping to find where she totally belongs.

She informed us all yesterday
that she wouldn't be coming back.
It was shocking; although I wasn't surprised.
I so wish her absolute happiness.

She was an amazing manager.
She always appreciated everything we all did.
Unconditionally while strongly valuing us
just for walking through the office's front door.

She had so much on her plate.
Enough responsibility for more than two.
She never complained, but worked so hard,
while supporting us all through and through.

Strong sadness has engulfed all of us.
We all are grieving; expressing our pain.
But, in the end, it may be the best for her.
One has to experience down at times to appreciate up.

I hope she finds her way.
We all wish her the very best.
But in the end, for all of us it still is such
          A deep loss. Such a deep loss.


　

MEANT TO MEET

I went out to meet, "Joseph", a ninety-eight year old gentleman suffering from cardiac disease. Joseph lives with his wife, "Hanna". They have four children, who, unfortunately all live out of state. Joseph and Hanna have a tremendous group of friends who visit daily to support the couple.

Hanna and Joseph have been married sixty-two years. When I asked Hanna how the two of them met, she told me this most amazing story. It is such a perfect example of "Truth is stranger than fiction." I loved the story as it was such an amazing example of how the two of them were so meant to meet.

I wasn't able to talk to Joseph as he was in a deep sleep during my visit, but it was such a pleasure to spend time with Hanna. She is at peace about her husband's current status, rapid decline and his poor prognosis. She spoke about the sadness of losing him, but so lovingly added, "He's had such a good life. We both have been so blessed." I know Hanna will be okay because of the tremendous love of so many supportive friends. I so hope our paths do cross again.


MEANT TO MEET　

He is close to ninety-nine years old.
His health has declined so rapidly.
He is extremely weak and needs a lot of help;
but still will smile while telling her, "I love you."

He was nine years old when she was born;
living in two separate countries miles apart.
He in Germany; she in Denmark;
but the two of them were so meant to meet.

When she was seven, her family moved to Germany.
She lived around the corner from him.
They were both Jewish, the Nazi's so cared
so both families had to rapidly move away.

Years later she was in a New York Gallery.
By happenstance; so was he.
They both walked outside at the same time
starting up their lifelong conversation.

They were so surprised that they were neighbors in Germany.
Their paths should have so easily crossed.
But then, he was sixteen; she only seven.
Smiling, she adds, "I wouldn't have been interested."

Their sixty-third wedding anniversary is soon approaching.
Living a block away; then moving over six thousand miles west.
On a Sunday afternoon outside a New York art gallery;
          yes, they were meant to meet.

HER PERSONAL JOURNEY

The hospice nurse and I met with "Jackie" today to admit her to our program. Jackie, fifty-two is homeless. Jackie spends her days on the streets, while at night, she sleeps in a nearby shelter. The nurse and I met Jackie at that shelter.

I immediately say Jackie's spirit. She had a beautiful soul; an amazing spirit. Jackie told her truth. She was sexually abused by her older brother as a child. She spoke with her mother about it. Her mother told her not to tell anyone. For years, Jackie kept silent. Jackie's father was an alcoholic so liquor was available to her. She started to drink her father's alcohol at age nine to cope.

Jackie shared how she wishes she did things differently. She felt she may have had the help she needed at that young age. I validated her feelings saying how she reacted and felt at that time, was normal for any nine year old. Jackie shared such sad details of her life.

She lived four decades more trying to cope by using drugs and alcohol. I believe her liver disease and its symptoms gave Jackie awareness of her reality. She has looked deeply into her life. The moment I met her, I saw her beautiful soul and her spirit. I shared with Jackie that her life experiences, although so sad, did guide her to find her true self; her beautiful heart.

I felt honored to have met Jackie. I also feel that we were meant to meet up. So shared how so many people judge her. I so respected her honestly while sharing her life and emotions with us. I saw her beautiful soul; her amazing spirit. She thanked us for listening to her without judgment. I wish her the best and hope she finds what she needs to help her to continue on as best as she can be. God bless you Jackie.


HER PERSONAL JOURNEY　

Her life story is a tragedy gone bad.
Sexually abused at age eight by an older brother;
drinking her father's whiskey to help her cope.
Her life continued to go downhill from there.

Drug and alcohol abuse stayed with her for decades.
She tried multiple treatment programs to no avail.
Five years in prison for selling heroine didn't stop her.
And then, not surprisingly, liver disease; stage 4.

She lost her family; she lost her home.
During the day; living on the streets.
The cold, the rain, hot scorching summer days.
Then finding a shelter for night time sleep.

Her liver disease is now impacting her life.
It stopped her abruptly to face reality.
She has been clean and sober for over a year.
She now truly knows, she needs outside help.

She is so truthful about her life.
Not blaming others for the way things have been.
Looking inward while blaming herself; full of regrets.
not seeing her truth; her inner spirit or her heart.

She felt helpless; not wanting to do this alone.
I validated her emotions; I normalized her thoughts.
"Although your experiences were difficult,
you learned from them; they made you grow
to become the beautiful person you are today."

What is the purpose for her heartbreaking life?
Somehow it seems so unfair; so unwarranted;
although it brought out her spirituality; her beautiful beliefs.
Maybe it guided her; it directed her to walk her journey.
          Her own personal journey.
 

LOSS OF A CHILD

This morning, the hospice nurse and I met with "Eileen". Eileen is ninety-two years old and was just informed three days ago that she has cancer. Treatment options were very limited and Eileen chose not to pursue any treatment. The doctors told her that she has likely only a few weeks to live.

Eileen took the news in stride. She has accepted her fate like she has accepted other challenges in her life. Eileen had six children. Three of her children have preceded her in death. Loss has happened so often throughout her life. She easily accepts what will be as that is the coping mechanism that works for her.

She amazed me with her strength of living her life the best way she knows how. Eileen now is focusing on completing all the estate paperwork that needs to be completed. Two of her children live nearby and will be helping her with those tasks.

This afternoon, another hospice nurse and I went out to meet "Theresa". We were told it was an informational visit only. The patient was Theresa's daughter, who was in a hospital ICU nearby. That is all that we knew as Theresa was the one who called hospice for us to make a visit.

Theresa needed to talk about her daughter, "Donna", who suffered from kidney and liver failure. Donna has been in the ICU for over a month needing continual dialysis. Theresa and her family will be meeting with her daughter's doctors tomorrow to talk about the best options for Donna.

We were softly direct with Theresa sharing that the best plan is to follow Donna's wishes. The options are so limited while being difficult; go on life supports or die in the hospital. It was then that Theresa spoke about her Catholic belief in afterlife.

During the last part of our visit, Theresa spoke about her son, who died six years ago from heart disease. His death was quick and sudden and she has come to terms with her faith regarding that loss.

I was so inspired by each mother. I so believe that the loss of a child has to be the hardest loss of all. I admire Eileen and Theresa as both were grieving in a way that worked for them. Such a huge loss has left them both stronger and braver than before. Peace be with both of them.


LOSS OF A CHILD
　

It was just three days ago
she was told it was cancer.
There is no treatment; no cure.
Likely only weeks to live.

She took the news in stride
like she has always done in her life.
Hearing and accepting what will be.
Living her life the best way she can.

She has already lost three of her six children.
I asked her, "How do you cope with such losses?"
She answered the only way she knew how,
          "I just continue to move forward."

Later today, another mom called us out for help.
Her daughter is gravely ill in a nearby hospital.
Her kidneys have failed; her liver is shot.
          "What are we to do?"

"The options are limited.
Life supports versus dying in the hospital.
There is no right or wrong answer.
Focus on following your daughter's wishes."

Her Christian faith strongly sustains her.
"Our children are only loaned to us.
God brings them back home to Heaven
when their time here on Earth is done."

Both mothers have lost more than one child.
They have found their own way to cope; to grieve.
"No parent should ever attend their child's funeral.
          That is the cruelest loss of all."

　

 

STORYTELLER

The hospice nurse and I met ninety-eight year old, “Jim” today to admit him to hospice. Jim was diagnosed with stomach cancer just three weeks ago. There is no treatment options for him at this time. Jim has accepted his status and poor prognosis with ease.

Jim immediately started to share his amazing life stories. He has had a very interesting life with historic value. Jim put such a positive spin on every aspect of his life; whether good or bad. Jim always focused on the positives in his life. So wonderfully, he also had an amazing sense of humor.

He has two adult children and several grandchildren. He is deeply loved by all of them. The nurse and I immediately fell in love with him. His positive attitude about life was so engaging. He saw life as positive and would not accept any other philosophy. He was an inspiration. I felt honored to have met him, if only for this one short visit.


STORYTELLER
　

Hitting ninety-eight years a few months back,
he tells wonderful stories about his long life.
Although, sadly, a recent cancer diagnosis,
may impede him from ever seeing ninety-nine.

He has no fears about dying.
He sees it like he sees all other of his life events.
Whether good or bad, his philosophy is the same;
"Always stay positive at what life may suddenly bring."

He was born in Oklahoma during the Dust Bowl era;
being number eleven of the twelve children born.
He spoke about poverty during the Deep Depression.
How they grew vegetables and beef just to survive.

He joined the military during World War II
transporting thousands of injured soldiers
across the Pacific Ocean on the Queen Mary;
sharing stories of courage and escapades too.

He married his sweetheart right after the war.
Not surprising, he shared wonderful stories about their life.
His goal is to live to see March 10th of this year;
to celebrate the 75 years of their marriage together.

He loves talking about his life while telling his stories,
always seeing the positive in every tale.
After he turned ninety, a friend wrote his stories down.
He cleverly titled it, “Nine Decades and Counting.”

When asked about his secret to living a long life,
his answer was simple and to the point,
"Live each day; one at a time."
It is so obvious that he has done this
for over ninety-eight of his glorious years.

HER GOODBYE

"Mona", eighty years old, was admitted to hospice several weeks ago. Mona has three children and seven grandchildren. Mona lives with her adult granddaughter, "Jessica". Also residing in the home is Jessica's husband and their two young children.

Jessica has been her Grandmother's primary caregiver since she became ill several years ago. Mona had been managing her lung disease and life fairly independently until about two months ago. Mona started to become weak and a bit wobbly on her feet. As Mona's needs increased, so did Jessica's help.

Mona and Jessica have an amazing relationship. They both have the same values and beliefs about life. It is all about loving your family and supporting them their individual way.

Several of the family members are in denial and do not believe that Mona may be dying. Denial is such a powerful coping mechanism as it allows one to cope in baby steps. It can help one process a situation slowly in order to come to terms with it. Upon seeing Mona today, she appears imminent. She likely only has a few days at most.

When Jessica shared her Grandmother's last words to me, I got goose bumps. In the end, that sums up so perfectly what life is all about.


HER GOODBYE　

She and Grandma have always been close.
They share years of many special moments.
But as they both truly believe, the best part is;
their love for each other is unconditional.

She would do anything for Grandma
as Grandma has always felt the same.
Now that Grandma is ill and needing help,
she is one-hundred percent by her side.

Grandma's disease is progressing.
She doesn't have much time.
Her family is rallying around; giving support.
"Just how can one tell her goodbye."

Attempting to capture years of memories
with only a few precious words to use.
"Thank you Grandma, for all that you have done;
doesn't quite capture the significance of it all."

Grandma is no longer eating or drinking.
It is extremely hard to find her awake.
In her recent past, she has strongly told her family,
"Just make sure you keep me home."

Grandma is in her dying process.
Maybe only hours to a few days is all.
Yesterday she tenderly told her Granddaughter;
"If I die, always remember I love you."

Her final words
          Her final, beautiful goodbye.