AGAIN

One of hospice’s supports is to meet up with patients and their families to educate them about hospice support and philosophy.  I love doing these visits as it gives folks knowledge about our program and supports. 

 

Kate and her husband requested such a visit.  Kate was diagnosed with lung cancer only six months ago.   She was struggling to breath and was on continuous oxygen. She could no longer eat solid foods and was becoming weaker. Through all of this, she continued to smile and use dry humor to cope. She totally accepted her fate.

 

Two days ago, this past Saturday, she was admitted to our program.  I called Kate’s husband today to schedule a social work visit.  An hour later, Kate died with family, friends and our hospice nurse nearby.  I have been thinking about Kate all day and feeling sad.  I did not realize, until my drive home tonight, that she so strongly reminded me of my other friend, who also died of cancer twenty years ago.  Two beautiful women for sure.  I am blessed to have met them both. 

 

AGAIN 

 

Six months ago, she heard lung cancer. 

Even after undergoing all prescribed treatment, 

her cancer continued to grow. 

She is now becoming weak, struggling to breathe. 

 

I just met them four days ago. 

They wanted information about hospice support. 

She was having a Cat Scan that afternoon. 

hoping to hear about alternative options. 

 

Two days ago, she was admitted to hospice. 

I called him this morning to schedule a visit. 

He was appropriately troubled, 

                     “She is not doing well. 

                                         The hospice nurse is on her way!” 

 

She died an hour later with family and the nurse nearby. 

I was grateful for him as he has tremendous support, 

but could not stop thinking about her all day. 

I was feeling sad and grieving her death. 

 

Then, I suddenly realized, it’s bringing up old memories. 

She was so like my friend who also died of cancer. 

They both were Irish and named Catherine,  

                    and liked to be called Kate. 

 

Both accepted their poor prognosis with ease; 

using dry humor, with a straight face, to cope. 

Both so appreciated their family and friends. 

They deeply knew and believed 

                    what was so important to them. 

 

“You both taught me so much about life; 

about coping, about love, about courage. 

No words can totally capture your gifts; 

but all I can say is, “Thank you both, 

                    Kate and Kate.”  

  

"OH MY"

“Matt”, fifty-five years old, was born with a birth defect that left him paralyzed from the waist down.  Matt has not had much family or friend support which resulted in the county caring for him.  About one week ago, Matt suddenly became septic.  His decline was rapid.  Learning about Matt’s life and health history, made me question, “Why has he been challenged with so much in his life?”  I know there is no logical answer, but it is hard not to search for one.   I pray that Matt has finally found peace.   

“OH MY” 

 

He was born with a birth defect; 

leaving him paralyzed from the waist down. 

His parents struggled with his care. 

Then senselessly abandoned him 

with no thoughts about their child at all. 

 

He spent his childhood in Foster Care 

with strangers in charge of his life. 

His “family” were county case managers; 

who had him conserved to help with his needs. 

 

Last week, he became septic; 

his immune system totally shut down. 

He no longer could talk or eat at all. 

His eyes would track whoever walked in. 

 

My immediate thought was, “Oh my gosh! 

Why has he lived with so many challenges? 

He has had more than his fair share. 

It just doesn’t seem right at all.  Oh my gosh!” 

 

He died yesterday afternoon at the nursing home. 

It was a surprise as he declined so quickly. 

Today I called his case manager to offer condolences. 

The first words I heard were, “Oh my God!” 

 

She was his emergency contact; his “family”. 

The facility should have called her first. 

She had no awareness that he had died. 

“Oh my God!  Oh my God! Oh my God!” 

 

I was able to give comfort over the phone; 

normalizing and validating while helping her grieve. 

I spoke about our bereavement support for counseling; 

“No thank you.  I am going to be okay, but 

                              Oh my God!”