A CAREGIVER

I met Judy over thirty years ago in Graduate School.   She moved to San Diego shortly after our graduation, but we have always stayed connected with weekly phone calls and visits to each other’s home along the way.  She has done Medical Social Work as have I, but truly what brings us together is our spirituality.  

She knew about needing her surgery many months ago.  My plan was to be with her during that time.  Her daughter, Beth, was visiting her as well.  Beth had been there a few days prior to surgery and flew home four days afterwards.  I was then with Judy the next seven days alone.  

I so focused on doing what I needed physically to do to help; while not even thinking about the emotional drain it may take.  As the days progressed, she was slowly recovering and getting stronger.  That was the wonderful part of it all.  But then, I was emotionally and physically slowly getting drained, which was also so likely normal.  It just surprised me even though intellectually I was so aware, but then, my emotions knew nothing at all. 

In the end, it isn’t really that complicated at all.  I just know she appreciated me being there and knew I would do anything she needed to help.  I also know, she has done; and will again if needed, the same for me. 

A CAREGIVER

 

I have worked with caregivers

my entire thirty plus year career.

Counseling; supporting; educating;

normalizing wherever they needed to be.

 

Now it was I, who was a caregiver;

as I have just returned home yesterday;

being away ten days to care for a friend

who was recovering from major surgery.

 

I wanted to help her in any way that was needed.

I wanted to support her physically and emotionally,

without even thinking of my own inner thoughts

                    or physical needs that might arise.

 

My focus was so on “What can I do? What does she need?”

I made no moment to relax as my mind was so on her.

I wanted to help her recover, while wanting to fix things.

Unreachable goals for anyone, as it truly is all about;

                    “Just being there”.

 

I was there as much for myself as for her.

A perfect example of unconditional love; deep friendship.

There were no exact tasks to do; no precise steps.

She knowing that all she had to do was ask; was the perfection.

 

I know caregiving is an emotional and physical undertaking,

but somehow, I did not even think about how it would impact me.

Intellectually knowing the truth gets smothered and drowned

by convincing emotions that overpower it all.

 

I hoped my caregiving support helped her these past ten days.

I also hoped she felt my support emotionally as well.

In the end, I may have been a “Just okay” caregiver,

but I hope she truly knows and believes that

                    I have and will; always be her friend.