SACRED GIFTS

We admitted “Paul”, seventy-four, to hospice just two weeks ago. Paul lived with his wife, “Anna”, who was his primary caregiver.  Paul has been in a recent decline whereby he is bedridden and no longer able to walk.  The moment we walked into his bedroom, he had me laughing.  Paul had such a sarcastic sense of humor.  He used harsh words at times as wanted to shock you, but it was so obvious that he was totally teasing; in a fun way. 

As a hospice Social Worker, staying in a professional mode, does not always work.  We are trained to be where the client is.  Paul’s humor triggered my humor and I was able to banter and laugh so hard with him. 

I found out this Monday morning that Paul died two days ago.  I called Anna to check in to see how she is coping.  Quite quickly, she told me a funny story about Paul that had us both laughing.  She then added, “He kept telling me after your visit, I sure like that Social Worker.”  I so know it was because he made me laugh. 

There was another gift that presented itself with this morning’s phone call.  When I called Anna, she said she was at the funeral home and could I talk with “Jim”?  Jim was the owner of the mortuary, and the first thing he said to me was, “I was just reaching for the phone to call hospice.”  He needed the name of the physician who would be signing the death certificate.  

To me, coincidences are signs from above.  It is spirituality at its best.  If I had to list gifts that I cherish, hands down, it would be humor and spirituality.  I cannot number them, as both are number one to me.  After the telephone call, I looked into the sky and said, “Thank you to all of you.”

SACRED GIFTS 

 

I met them both two weeks ago

when we admitted him to hospice.

He was diagnosed with cancer two years ago;

but unfortunately, so recently, is in a continuous decline.

 

The moment we walked into his bedroom,

he had me laughing so hard from his sarcasm.

He wanted to shock you with his strong words,

but you knew he was just kidding.

His gift of humor totally surrounded him.

 

He died two days ago with his family by his side.

I called her to offer condolences and support.

When asked how she is doing, she sadly stated,

                    “I am hanging in there”.

 

She then told me a funny story about something he said.

When the aide was there to give him a bed bath, she asked,

“Let me help you lie down.”

He immediately responded, “I can’t. I am married”.

 

While we both were laughing, I reassured her,

“That story is your husband, not his disease.

Keep sharing his humor; his wit; his antics.

His legacy will always and forever be around;

                   and you, will always be laughing.”

 

NO ANSWER

“John”, seventy-five, was diagnosed with Brain Cancer about one year ago.  John had three children from two previous marriages.  One of his sons lives on the east coast and is involved on such a limited basis due to geographic distance.  

John has suffered so many losses in his life.    John has accepted all that he has lost as his strong Christian faith guides and supports him.    He was so upbeat and had a great sense of humor.  When asked how he is coping, John so effortlessly will turn to his faith as that gives him all of the support that he needs.  

He doesn’t question why, but just moves on.  He now has hired caregivers in the home to help him with his daily activities.  One of the caregivers, “Madeline”, is such a strong advocate for him.  The two of them have a beautiful relationship.  She is his emergency contact and is the agent for his Advanced Directive.  She too, is his family. 

When one soul gets hit with so much loss, it always brings up the question, “Why?”.  John turns to his God for all the support that he needs.  I wish him well.

NO ANSWER 

 

He was an administrator of a golf course;

managing and keeping things green.

He has always loved being outdoors;

the sun, the landscape, the fresh air.

 

Not long ago he heard, “It is brain cancer”;

invading his body with such power and control.

His mobility and his vision have been affected.

He now can only walk for just a few feet.

 

He had three children from two wives;

two sons and a daughter he so adored.

One son is not much involved though;

due to geographic distance many miles away.

 

His other son died at age thirty-three;

suddenly without any warning at all.

He felt blessed to have his daughter nearby

as she so lovingly cared for him

                        as his needs did magnify.

 

Two months ago, he then heard,

“She died suddenly from a heart attack.”

He no longer had his much-needed support

 as no other family was living nearby.

 

It brings up so many questions;

Why did this happen to him? What is the purpose?

Always searching for tangible answers,

but in the end, I guess, this is his journey.

Likely, no other answer can easily be found.

 

OPTIMIST

“William”, eighty-eight years old, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease five years ago. He has been on a steady decline ever since.  William has been married to his wife, “Kelly” for over forty years.  They have two children, who live out of state.  Unfortunately they cannot be involved much due to their geographic distance. 

William lives in the Memory Care Unit of a local Residential Care Facility.  When the hospice nurse and I walked into his room, he so beautifully smiled at us.  Once could see how intelligent he had been, in the way he diverted answers to our questions to Kelly.  

He laughed so easily at what we said, but also at what he said.  It so lit up the room.  In addition, it was so beautiful to see the love the couple had for each other.  He may have limited short term memory, but his love just shined.  It was absolutely beautiful. 

OPTIMISTIC 

 

The moment we stepped into his room,

he gave us the most beautiful smile.

He was sitting in a large, leather recliner;

                    his wife seated nearby.

 

Five years ago, Alzheimer’s did rear its head.

His confusion has been on a constant decline.

He was a brilliant research scientist

                   and oh, so very smart.

 

Out of respect, we spoke to both of them.

So much of what we said, he did not comprehend.

He did not know most answers to our questions,

but would so brilliantly defer to his wife.

 

He so adored her; as she did him.

He knew she would always take care of him.

“I know she knows what I need; what I want.

I put her in charge. She knows what to do.”

 

He laughed so easily; so freely.

When stuck with what to say,

he would, with much enthusiasm, sing,

                   “Home on the Range”.

 

Confusion did not impact his optimism;

it did not impact his love for his wife.

When I asked about his spiritual beliefs,

he so gently pointed to his wife and softy said,

                    “I believe in her.”

 

IT'S GOD'S WILL

“Jennie”, fifty-two, was admitted to hospice late last night.  Jennie was diagnosed with cancer about two months ago.  She underwent treatment to no avail.  Jennie is married and has three children.  She has extended family nearby, who are all so supportive and devoted to her and to each other. 

I spoke with Jennie’s mother, “Nancy”, over the telephone to complete the Social Work admission.  I prefer meeting patients and family in person, but due to my schedule, my only option was to complete the visit over the telephone.

 When Nancy picked up the phone and said “Hello”, I was so moved.  She has the biggest heart and her caring spirit was so obvious.  Nancy told her truth while being surrounded by her wonderful family and strong faith.  I felt connected to her as she spoke about hospice using the same words that I use when talking about hospice.  She truly is an angel full of love and compassion.  I wish her, and her family, the best.

IT’S GOD’S WILL

 

She was diagnosed with cancer

just eleven weeks ago.

She tried chemo and radiation,

but the cancer continued to spread.

 

She is only fifty-two years old while

living her life the best way she knew.

Surrounded by her loving, devoted family;

her husband and three children do tell.

 

I spoke with her mother this morning.

She embraced my heart with her genuine, “Hello”.

“I’m totally familiar about hospice as I am a caregiver.

You don’t need to explain as I already know”.

 

I spoke about when losing a child is so out of order,

but she held strong to her words and stood her ground.

She, along with her family’s strong faith,

are lovingly guided without a doubt.

 

“We all are so thankful for the reality.

We do not want any false hope.

If she dies today or one year from now,

                    it is truly Gods will.”

 

“Hospice is not about dying, but about living and loving.

We all have only this moment, so embrace it.”

She may never be able to confirm her beliefs,

while surely there is no one who can disprove it.

 

Her beliefs give her strength and guidance.

She is coping while surrounded by so much love.

She doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone;

but then who can deny that maybe, just maybe,

it definitely is

                   God’s will.