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“Lily”, eighty-one years old, was diagnosed many years ago with lung disease.  All has changed these past few months as Lily has had many hospitalizations due to shortness of breath and weakness.  Lily has recently had a major decline whereby she needs help with her daily activities.  Family has hired a live-in caregiver to help Lily with her needs. 

Lily was again hospitalized this past week.  Treatment was no longer effective.  Lily told her doctor that she wanted to go home on comfort care; on hospice.  Lily worked in the medical field and is aware of her status and prognosis.  She has totally accepted her fate.  She is so weak which makes it difficult to continue to fight.  Meeting up with Lily, I heard her acceptance about it all as well as the drain on her.  She openly said she is ready to go. 

Lily has one daughter, “Jennie”, who lives nearby.  Jennie has the opposite personality of her mother as is not quiet at all about her emotions, needs and grief.  She is struggling with her grief, which is so appropriate.  She has such a strong sense that her mom is feeling the same as she.  Jennie wants to fix things that can no longer be fixed.  During the visit, I validated and normalized Lily’s emotions and grief while also counseling Jennie on her grief. 

Grief is so powerful and strong.  Intellectually we all know the truth, but grief can overwhelm any of us due to its immense strength.  I wish Lily and Jennie the best.

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Mom has suffered with lung disease;

for, oh, so many years.

She has had multiple hospital trips recently,

leaving her weak and so short of breath.

 

Mom is very calm and low key

while quietly expressing her thoughts.

Her daughter, on the other hand,

strongly expresses her distress; her own worries.

 

When asked about having any fears or concerns,

Mom slowly shook her head and quietly said, “No”.

“I am ready for it to be over.

                    I want it to happen”.

 

That brought up such profound sadness to the daughter.

She wants to repair things; to make it go away.

She wants Mom to have peace; to have comfort.

She can’t face Mom’s likely decline.

 

She thinks they are on the same page;

but her emotions and fears are within her; not Mom.

She wants to fix things as much for herself as well as Mom.

She is appropriately grieving a future life without Mom.

 

They are so clearly not on the same page of readiness;

because as I was leaving, I quietly asked Mom two questions;

“What can we do for you?

                    Is there anything you need?”

 

Mom quietly spoke from the depths of her soul;

answering so clearly while expressing her truth;

“Keep doing what you are doing”.

 She is so obviously on her right page.