PARALLEL UNIVERSE

This morning, the hospice nurse and I went out to do a hospice admission with “Edward”.  One week ago, Edward was totally independent and living his life to the fullest.  It was then that all changed where he became  weak and unable to function.  He spent a few days in the hospital learning that it was his Lung Cancer’s progression. 

After meeting Edward and his family, I went back to the office to document my admission.  It was so coincidental, as the moment I finished my paperwork, I received a text that there was another admission in one hour. 

It was during that second admission, that I started to see the similarities between these two amazing men.  The best part of all was their humor.  Both had me laughing from their dry wit.  I so admire and respect both of them for their truth and their insight.

PARALLEL UNIVERSE

 

I met these two special men today

while admitting both to hospice.

They were each distinct and individual

while living in a parallel universe.

 

Residing less than two miles apart from each other;

one was ninety-five; the other ninety-eight.

Both were diagnosed, several months ago,

with lung cancer that has spread to their brain.

 

The both tried chemo with gruesome side-affects.

Each agreed to no more treatment as one said,

“It is what it is.  I’ve had a good life;”

while the other, “I am ready to go”.

 

They each have suffered multiple losses in their life.

Both are widowed and married a second time.

One has lost both of his children;

                     while the other has lost one.

 

One has a strong Baptist faith, stating

“I have accepted Christ in my life”.

The other has done research and is spiritually guided.

“Something will happen, I have read about it.”

 

Both strongly appreciate their family and friends,

using humor that so easily helps them cope.

I believe each will know when it is time to let go,

but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was

                         just a few days apart.

 

COMPLETE LOVE

We went out today to admit “Sandy”, to our Hospice program.  Sandy is married to her husband, “Bill” for over forty years.  It was immediately so clear at how much he loves his wife.  His kindness and softness toward her is so beautiful.  

The couple has two sons, who both live on the East Coast and not available to help.  The couple are isolated as Bill’s whole focus is solely caring for Sandy.  Sandy was very thin as has a poor appetite.   She is forgetting how to swallow and will pocket food.  She has lost over twelve pounds this past month.  

Bill spoke of feeling overwhelmed and anxious due to caregiver demands.  He puts Sandy’s needs first, while neglecting his own.  He does have a caregiver that comes twice a week for two hours.  It allows Bill to run errands as needed. 

Hospice has a volunteer available to visit four hours each week to give Bill some respite.  I referred him to a local agency that receives grants in order to donate caregiver hours to families.  Hopefully Bill will receive his much-needed additional support as he so strongly needs our help as much as Sandy does. 

COMPLETE LOVE 

 

She is only sixty-four years old,

but looks fifteen years older.

All because of being diagnosed

two years ago, with Alzheimer’s Disease.

 

The two of them met in college years ago;

while each were pursuing a nursing degree.

They have so much in common

as have been happily married over forty years.

 

The moment we walked into their living room,

I immediately noticed how gentle; how kind; how beautiful

he was while quietly sitting by her side.

His voice was soft and smooth while comforting her.

 

She no longer can carry on any conversation

as her speech is garbled while she mumbles. 

He easily helps her up from the chair to walk a bit

as doesn’t want her muscles to become weak.

 

He is totally focused on her immediate needs,

while not taking care of himself much at all.

There is no family or friends available to help

which makes him feel overwhelmed and anxious.

 

He is so beautifully caring for her,

while neglecting his own stressful needs.

He needs our help more than she;

all because of his pure love; his complete love.

                    The most beautiful gift of all.

 

THE ORCHARD

A new Social Worker was shadowing me today to learn how to do a hospice admission.  The patient and family lived on a 50-acre ranch about four miles out of town.  The patient’s daughter gave us instructions on how to locate their ranch as GPS’s often direct drivers wrong. 

We found the County Roads 24 and 25 as they directed.  The ranch is on County Road 95.  We realized later that my GPS brought us to County Road 95A.  It instructed us to turn right by a gravel road.  We then turned right onto that road immediately into an orchard.  There was a dirt pathway that had impressions of vehicle wheels, so we followed the path. 

We drove about five minutes as it was a huge orchard.  At one point it looked like we could not go much further, but the road allowed us to turn right.  We were then parallel with a paved county road.    Fortunately, we were able to follow the route to an exit.  We then turned left onto the correct route of County Road 95.  There was another gravel road which our GPS then again told us to turn onto.  It was correct this time.  We drove this gravel and then dirt road a few minutes and did find their ranch.  My first thought was; while laughing; “If I ever think I have seen or done it all, I will likely be wrong every time.

THE ORCHARD 

 

We were scheduled to admit her today.

She is eighty-one and confused from dementia.

She and her family live out in the country

about four miles or so out of town.

 

They gave us step-by step instructions

on how to easily locate their ranch.

They didn’t want us to get lost

as a GPS does guide folks incorrectly at times.

 

“Drive halfway between

County Road 24 and 25.

Turn onto the gravel road by the orchard.

Our home is not visible from the road.”

 

We found the County Roads

while also finding a gravel pathway.

We turned into the orchard

driving onto soft, fertile soil.

 

The road was yielding with many potholes;

many dips and frequent downturns.

We realized, we were in an orchard

and not a route for automobiles.

 

I sometimes think I have heard it all.

I occasionally think I have seen it all,

but after driving into someone’s orchard,

I strongly know that I have not done it all.

                   And likely never will.

 

A SMILE

Our agency, along with hospice, also has a Palliative Care Program.   I mostly do hospice admissions, but do help out with Palliative Care admissions as well.  Weakness is not a stranger to many of our patients.  All of us use energy in our daily routines.   We don’t think much about it as we have enough to get us through each day comfortably.  

With these two Palliative Care patients, their weakness impacted their speech as neither had enough energy to say more than a few words at a time.  Body language is so powerful.  It has its own expressive way to communicate.  I saw these two patients only days apart.  Each touched my heart so deeply by their beautiful smiles.  No words were needed to be spoken.  I gave each of them a smile back; which was my way of expressing my appreciation back to both of them.

A SMILE

 She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

only a few years back; at age seventy-two.

Currently, she is wheelchair bound due to weakness;

needing help with all of her needs.

 

Conversation is difficult for her

as she speaks only one or two words at a time.

I spoke with her about her loving son.

Her amazing response back was beautiful;

                    one huge, magnificent smile.

 

Five weeks ago, he was told

“It is cancer that has spread to your brain”.

He has undergone five radiation treatments

with chemotherapy now next in line.

 

He was totally independent before this started.

Now, his weakness keeps him in bed

as sitting up in a wheelchair is too demanding.

He, too, is now only speaking a few words.

 

We were talking about his large, extended family

and how his wife spoils their eight grandchildren.

As we were leaving, I turned to him and said,

“I bet you spoil your grandchildren too.”

 

No words were needed

as he replied so expressively

with one beautiful, heartfelt

                  smile.

 

HER BIGGEST NEED

“Annie”, was diagnosed with lung cancer four years ago.  She underwent chemotherapy, and over time, her cancer did spread to her liver and bones.  Her three sisters live nearby and are very involved and supportive.  Annie has become so weak that she spends most of her days in bed. 

Annie was widowed about two years ago.  Her only son still lives in Russia with his wife and three children.  He wants to visit one last time with his mother, but two applications for a Visa have been denied.  Annie’s sister, “Olga”, has temporarily moved in with Annie to help out as needed. 

Olga shared that they have recently applied again, for the third time, to get a Visa for Annie’s son.   Annie wants no extraordinary measures, but wants to stay on the chemotherapy in order to hopefully live long enough to see her son one last time.  

It seems so simple; approve the Visa for her son to come and see his mother one last time.  It feels so cruel to not allow this last visit to happen.  I wish them all the best.

HER BIGGEST NEED 

 

She emigrated here from Russia

just about twenty years ago.

Three of her sisters already lived here,

and she so wanted to be nearby.

 

She found work as a manicurist. 

She loved all of the colors one could use.

But then, four years ago, she heard, “Lung Cancer”.

That’s when her world did suddenly change.

 

She underwent chemotherapy to no avail.

Her cancer continued to spread.

In the midst of all of this crisis and drama,

her husband suddenly died.

 

She was well supported by her sisters,

but she so needed for her son to come.

He still lived in St. Petersburg,

and needed to see her as well.

 

Her sisters have applied for a Visa,

but twice have been denied.

They have tried again for the third time,

while she is trying so hard to hang on.

 

The chemotherapy is making her ill

as her cancer continues to grow.

She’ll hold on for as long as she can,

as her biggest need is, for one last time,

to say “Hello” and then “Goodbye”

                     to her dearest and only son.