I CAN'T

 

I met Jenelle over twenty years ago when she applied for a Social Work Position at the hospital where I worked.  I am 23 years older than her as she was 4 days old when I got married.  We immediately hit it off.  We are both so on the same page.   Our Social Work style is completely the same.  We think so much alike.  Jenelle and I are true soul mates. 

We live 90 miles away from each other.  Every few months or so, we meet halfway for lunch.  Jenelle called me last week to tell me about her father’s new diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer.  Her father chose no treatment.  I shared with her that I would likely do the same thing if ever I had to face that.   Pancreatic Cancer is so deadly along with horrific side effects from the treatment.  Jenelle thanked me for sharing that with her.

 I was sitting in the hospice office charting when Jenelle called.  There were only a few people in the office at that time.  One of the nurses, Anastasia, was sitting nearby and agreed to talk with Jenelle about her questions regarding what physical changes would be expected.  Anastasia, the hospice nurse, is 26 years old going on 46 years.  She is wise beyond her years.  She was the perfect person to talk to my friend. 

What I can’t do so strongly surrounds me as I so wish I could take the diagnosis and pain away.  Intellectually I know I can’t, but emotionally, that is what I so want to do.  I also realize it is the little things that matter so strongly.  Jenelle reached out to me and so beautifully gave me the gift of doing a few little things that were needed.  I cannot ever thank her enough.  I so cherish our beautiful friendship. 

I CAN’T 

 

She just told me last week

about her father’s diagnosis.

It is metastatic pancreatic cancer.

He chose to have no further treatment.

 

My first emotion was total sadness.

But then, I wanted to fix it for her.

I wanted to say the right words.

I wanted to make it all go away.

                    But then, I know I can’t.

 

I told her I would probably do the same.

Pancreatic cancer is so deadly.

Treatment may give him a few more months,

but then the side effects can be dreadful.

 

She wanted to know what to expect.

What physical changes may likely occur.

I was able to have her talk to a hospice nurse;

who was sitting nearby during the call.

 

Yesterday, her father signed up for hospice

with an agency my hospice recommended.

She and her dad love them and feel amazing support.

They will be getting the help that he and his family needs.

 

She thanked me so beautifully for all that I have done.

I then thanked her for the gift of allowing me to give back.

I’ll be by her side for always as she is my dear friend.

And yes, that is something that,

                    I know I can.